An Atheist made me stronger!.
Monthly Archives: August 2015
Proverbs 3:3Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;
bind them around your neck;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
4So you will find favor and good successa
in the sight of God and man.
5Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
7Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
8It will be healing to your fleshb
and refreshmentc to your bones.
As I type the sun is streaming through my window, greeting me with the joy of my heavenly father. For this first year I have felt crushed by my circumstances. My goal of grieving with hope constantly weighed down by my lack of trust in God’s ways. Last night I turned a difficult corner. My sorrow, doubts and fears lay on the altar ready at last to submit to God’s will. He will produce glory from my son’s death. There is no more question mark. I can relax into his purpose because it is no longer at odds with my purpose. I want what he wants, not the other way around. “He is not a tame lion, but he is good.” (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe) I can trust his goodness even if his ways are not my ways.
I cannot emphasis enough that this has come about through meditating on scripture. The verses that I have been reading since Jonathan’s death establish God’s sovereignty in my circumstances, his foundation of love, his goodness and that his will is done on earth as it is in heaven. Romans 8 helped me to determine that I want the Spirit of life to control me, not my sinful nature.
Now it is a matter of walking in the light of his path that he makes straight for me. He will show me where to go, and equip me to get there. Following his ways and leaning not on my own understanding will be healing to my body and refreshment to my bones.
Proverbs 3 My Role and God’s Role
Me
- remember the love and faithfulness God has shown me
- meditate upon examples of his character
- be loving and faithful
- love God with my whole heart, leaning on my own understanding results in half-hearted attempts
- acknowledging God in all my ways leaves no room for selfish ambition, no maverick off-roading
- remember that the results are his not mine
- respect and honor the Lord’s sovereignty in every situation and see evil as opposing counsel
God
- gives favor and success with God and man
- straightens out my path
- heals my body and refreshes my bones
Cocooned, your wings
folded into cramped quarters of
fragile purpose.
Too young–death has touched
you.
ripped your still forming chrysalis
forced your
eyes open to the dust
of humanity. So you hide deep within
safety, questioning the wisdom of
God. Why did he mold you to fly in a world
chained by gravity?
My GPS was navigating me to China today! My husband and I stood in the middle of downtown Chicago, trying to get to lunch and every street the “navigation” device added streets, had us standing on Michigan when were actually on Grande or highlighted no route at all. I put the electronic map away and asked a doorman how to get to our destination. Five minutes later we arrived.
The Holy Spirit is the ultimate navigation system for my life. But, I don’t always seek my spiritual counselor. I’ve had a lot of voices telling me things about my son’s death, the reasons for it, my role and how to respond. Today I am like the little girl, in front of my husband and I, who sat down on the sidewalk in a toddler tantrum refusing to walk another inch until her desires were met by her parents. I really feel stuck. I keep asking God for directions–and he if he doesn’t answer to my satisfaction I turn to following my own navigation system, which has always been wonky.
Sometimes we are just plain asking and trusting the wrong sources to solve our global positioning issues. We will worship a golden calf if we think it will get us to the promise land quicker, or we whine to go back to Egypt if we think where God is leading us is to fraught with danger and trials. We want the easiest plan from point A to B, and when God takes us through deserts, around buildings 7 times, to the cross, and through loss and brokenness, we cannot accept that His navigation system is accurate.
God isn’t limited by time, space, circumstances, fear or anything else interfering with our human MapQuest. We will get from point A to point B–it may be through a whale or well, but his GPS never fails to make it to its destination. Question is will I follow?
One things for sure, I got my 10,000 steps in today!
I want answers. God wants trust.
I feel like a kid asking, “Please explain your plan to me.”
“That is not what you really want.” God gently corrects. “You want Jonathan’s death to mean something, for beauty to spring from the ashes of your heartache and you do not trust that I will give you 100 fold what I have taken from you. Have I not laid out my promises to you through scripture, and in our personal relationship?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I just want my remaining kids to be okay–to help others struggling with depression.”
“Do I not want the same?”
“Yes, but you don’t do things the way I would.”
“Exactly.”
“Why this path, why Jonathan, why this amount of pain? I want answers Lord!”
“No, you want your answers Karisa. Not mine.”
Silence. Can I live with this God whose ways are not my ways?
Isaiah 55:8-9 8“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. 9“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.
Numbers 23:19 God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?
I watched you work the knot
higher, slow progress
did not deter your
forming soul
from quiet goals of
resilience, the gravity of your
situation pulling you
towards earth
but determination
calling you defiantly upward
till you lay your weary
head in the hammock
content.
Wonderful blog! Check it out.
Romans 15:1 Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. 2Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification.…
A hard evening for my son. I sat rocking him as he grieved. No words were needed, they will not wash away the heartache he feels, and a Star Wars Band-Aid will not cover his wounds. I silently cried out to my heavenly daddy on my son’s behalf, and let God’s comfort wash over Daniel’s heart. God can get at those places that I cannot.
What do you do in those moments that others suffer? How do you respond to their grief? You may be dealing with a host of your own problems, and it feels like a heavy burden to sit and rock someone as they cry. Dear sister and dear brother we all are broken, and we all are grieving something. We all need to be held.
A neighbor mowed our lawn today. It means so much to me that they reached out. It is hard to accept aid from others, but that is the pride talking. Let others lift your burdens. What my neighbor did for us, enabled me to be present with Daniel. Jesus shared our burdens on the cross–he died to lighten our load! When we treat our neighbors as God treated us, we aren’t just sharing each others burdens, we share each other’s worth. You are valuable to me! You are a treasure! You are worth rocking and being held in your grief.
National Suicide Hotline
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/