September 2015 - Turning the Page on Suicide | Turning the Page on Suicide

Monthly Archives: September 2015

The Discipline of Depression: Finding What Works in the Midst of What isn’t Working

Posted September 30, 2015 | Karisa Moore

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

What do you do, no matter what? Especially if you suffer from depression, I’d really like to compile a list of helpful habits as a resource to others. Since Jonathan’s death the two places that I am most under attack are in the car, and in the late evenings. I have limited the amount of driving I do. My mind is a landmine of destructive thoughts when I am exhausted, so opening myself up to even the news in the evening seems to fuel depression as I try to sleep.

Categories:

Daily habits that lift your spirits

Example: Singing hymns

Making my bed (seems small, but completing this task daily leads to bigger completions)

Scriptures you bring to mind

The habit of avoidance:

Not staying up late alone

Avoiding TV after 9

Peace in Midst of Sorrow

Repeating Blues

Posted September 26, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Awkward memoriesÂ belt out

haunting blues,

Their melody seeps into bones

like a chilled rain–

Shivering the soul to its core, like aÂ scratched record.

Doomed to repeat

Depression needles

its way into the grooves of gray

and repeats its mantra

’tilÂ your being aches to

smash the record, the player

and anything else

that reminds of this unforgiven sorrow.

Jesus Set the Bar Too High

Posted September 25, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Matthew 25:37Then the righteous will answer him, saying, â€˜Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?â€™ 40And the King will answer them, â€˜Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,^f you did it to me.

I have been reading the story of Hosea this week. Hosea was an amazing prophet, told by God to marry a prostitute as a living illustration of Israel’s unfaithfulness to God. I won’t fill in all the blanks for you, but as we read the story we see a beautiful Old Testament example of God’s overwhelming love for us. When I asked the group discussing the story, can we love the unbeliever with this level of self-sacrifice, the comment was made, “Well Hosea and Jesus set the bar pretty high for us.”Â This isn’t the first time that I have heardÂ similar statements. “Well Jesus was God, that how he could keep from sinning.” “He had supernatural power, that why he could endure the cross.”Â “Â I can’t forgive on that level because I’m not Jesus.” Â It can become so easy for us to downplay or up-play Jesus’s deity, depending uponÂ our day to day perspective, and whether we want to get our hands dirty with the depravity of man.

OurÂ minds struggle to accept both God’s right judgmentÂ of our sin which requires deathÂ andÂ his overwhelming love which leads to life–both held on the cross at the same time. How can we hate what is evil andÂ love without conditions allÂ at the same time. I was reminded duringÂ counseling training on Friday and Saturday that only God says when to shake the dust off of who isÂ unrepentant.Â I don’t get to pick who I believe is worthy of God’s grace. The Church has ill equipped us for ministering to the lost, and for that IÂ am deeply sorrowful!

How do we turn this around? We began seeing the harvest around us, the hunger, the needs, the brokenness in others by seeing and accepting our own depravity. Apart from God I am dead in my sins. My own circumstances included a pastor and his wife taking me in when I was pregnant and homeless. That love and sacrifice spoke volumes to me.Â It didn’t take me long to realize I wanted far more than the world could offer me, but there are some it takes 20 years or more! Are the believers willing to sacrifice, come along side, endure rebellion for that long? We need to be if we are taking up our cross daily and following Jesus.

Insomnia: No Match for Praise!

Posted September 22, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Job 42:1Then Job replied to the Lord:

2â€œI know that you can do all things;

no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

3You asked, â€˜Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?â€™

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,

things too wonderful for me to know.

After a week of insomnia it is a miracle that I have managed to accomplish quite a bit today. I look more like a zombie. . . maybe I should try to walk onto the set of The Walking Dead (I think I’d blend into the extras just fine).Â I have been reduced to crying out to God, day after day. Give me rest! May you sustain me!Â May you be enough for me!Â Provide just enough for me today!

Have you been reduced to nothing in your flesh? You have come to the end of what you physically can push through.Â LikeÂ Job we want to sit on the ash heap of everything that meant something to us, and curse the day we are born.Â Just as God showed himself to Job, he gave gentle direction today. As I worked on the breakfast dishes the Lord flashed images ofÂ things to praise him for, and as I did, I found the energy to accomplish what is in front of me. Now I must praise him in my sleep.

Patchwork Quilt of Comfort: Wrapping up in the Holy Spirit

Posted September 21, 2015 | Karisa Moore

John 16:7 Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.

In the wee hours of grief I read notes ofÂ remembranceÂ from friends, family and acquaintances, written on Jonathan’s Facebook page. Your patchwork squares ofÂ memories, scripture, and comfort from the cross, gotÂ me through those first nightmarish days. Many of your notes are now recorded on the quilts sewn together by quilters in my church. I can literally snuggle into prayers, scripture and memories.

THANK YOU!

Squares from notes left at the funeral.

Past or Present: The Finish Line is Ahead not Behind Us

Posted September 15, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Grief is not made for fence sitters. At this level it will either make or break you, there really is no in-between..Â Grief reveals what youÂ believe in your heart and then begs the question, “What are you going to do about it?” Do we define ourselves by what is taken from us or by what God has given to us?

Last night I melted down. Not because of bad things, but because through Jonathan’s death others, also deeply struggling,Â are choosing life. As good and amazing as those miracles are, I found myself saying, but I want Jonathan! Natural right.

Actually those of us who believe in Jesus Christ, who are being led by the Spirit and not our nature, need to be maturing towards believing death where is your sting! Otherwise, every time I am reminded of what I have lost rather than what has been gained, I am undone, derailed–my faith unravels. For some this may sound a bit uncompassionate, but let me give you some clear examples of what I’m talking about.

Would you want a surgeon operating on you who couldn’t get past the patient he justÂ attempted to saveÂ that didn’t make it?Â Or would you marry someone still pining over the boy or girlfriend that they didn’t marry? That would be miserable!

I am a miserable Christian if I am still burying my dead and not following Jesus’ example.

Philippians 3: 11that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.. . .13Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

The power of the resurrection is that what lies ahead is far greater than anything we leave behind! Like Paul I cannot claim that I have made this power central to my character yet. I have the head knowledge of this truth, but it has not penetrated my heart. The Lord has revealed (vs. 15)Â that heaven, and being with Jesus forever is still very abstract to me.Â But, Father I ask that you become my finish line! Open my eyes wide to your truth, your love and help me to mature in faith. May I become more focused on the living and celebrate with you that life is springing forth from Jonathan’s death. You are keeping your promise to me. Amen!

On Borrowed Tomorrows

Posted September 13, 2015 | Karisa Moore

13Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” 14Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. 15Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.”â€¦

The days do not belong to us, they are the Lord’s. How differently do we live with this verse in mind? Would we wake up andÂ rather than hit the snooze button, or go down the litany of our to do list, or worry, we instead asked, “Lord, what is your will for this day?”Â There is freedom in the revelation that the day was never ours in the first place. It is the Lord who provides our daily bread, who builds or tears down, and it is the Lord’s to do with it what he pleases. What is expected of us in each day? That we believe in him! That is enough, and out of our joy everything else falls into place.

Jonathan’s death is shifting my focus from ownership to stewardship. Every time I switch from opening my hands to the Lord being enough today, I sink. Every time! I’m coming to realize that at the heart of grief is the realization that I can’t and He can. If each day is mine then I follow my will for that day (usually into the pit of sorrow), but if I humble myself and allow the Lord to teach me to number my days correctly, then every moment is an opportunity! Jesus corrected the disciples perspective on time, their days, and their position in those days. While the disciples kept jockeying for the right or left throne in the Lord’s kingdom, Jesus showed them that the greatest were the least, that money and power were not equal with holiness, and that God appoints time, not man. When these men accepted and embraced that God’s will is done on earth as it is in heaven, they became instruments of God’s will in every life they encountered. Open prison doors, shaken by heaven.Â became an opportunity for salvation, not an escape from circumstances! Acts 16:25-34Â There is not a single moment that is wasted by God!

But oh how much time we humans waste pretending that we are inÂ mini gods, planning our days and years! We build mansions that are devoid of love. We watch others live fake lives on TV, never really finding out what today was meant to be. We are the most effective when we acknowledge that our tomorrows are borrowed from God almighty. The best plan is for God to teach us to number our days correctly.

Proverbs 19:20Â Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days. 21Many plans are in a man’s heart, But the counsel of the LORD will stand.

The Void of Your Presence

Posted September 9, 2015 | Karisa Moore

The void of your presence

PressesÂ hard intoÂ my thoughts today

Jumbling the jigsaw pieces

Within my fragilelyÂ framed reality.

How can I ever complete this puzzle

without you?

Made to Use Our Gifts

Posted September 4, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Daniel: I don’t want toÂ go toÂ violin lessons. It is getting in the way of my playing with friends.Â (Demonstrating his protest inÂ several different ways.)

Me:Â You are going.

Daniel: Eye roll.

Me: ThisÂ discipline isÂ practicing for adulthood.

Daniel: I don’t care!

Me praying…

Jesus: Daniel has God gifted you with music?

Daniel: (Tense shoulders relaxed) Yes, yes he has. ( His voice was practically singing, his internal song bubbling up to the surface.) And if I don’t use the gift he has given me then that is foolish. Just like God made you with curly hair, it is a part of who you are. Music is a part of who I am.

Me: Thank you Holy Spirit for this beautiful moment. It makes my heart sing!

Leaping, Shouting, and Singing

Posted September 3, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Proverbs 15:13 13Â A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.

The irony was not lost on my friend and I. The day we chose to do this photo op, my usually cheerful baby was having none of it. She was mad and crying the whole time. Sometimes our heart is sad, because it is broken by deep loss. Many times, even when I am laughing my eyes give me away. I got free crazy bread just the other day because the cashier thought I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. I want my words, my life, and my example to flow from a heart filled with unexplainable joy. I am just plain not there yet, so how doÂ I transition from a sad to a joyful heart? Important Note: Scripture doesn’t say HAPPY, it says JOYFUL. I am not happy that my son is dead. I’m not happy that there is so much pain, sorrow, sicknessÂ and fear dominating us. I’m not happy that friends I hold dear are faced with divorce. I’m not happy about many things.

Happiness is very fleeting, but joy raises weighted shoulders,Â so that I canÂ lift my arms to the heavens to give thanks no matter what crashes around me. This isn’tÂ a blind action, you go intoÂ joy eyes wide open, joy must be intentional. Some of the most oppressed people are also the most joyful. Their hearts are wide open the possibilities in their suffering. They discipline themselves in reading scripture, fellowshipping together, prayer, and witnessing (attesting to what the have seen and heard). Â Oh Lord, may I become so saturate in the joy of your presence that leaping, shouting, and singing become second nature. Amen.

Monthly Archives: September 2015

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