Monthly Archives: February 2016

Still Standing

Shallow roots of entwined
community. Disciples sturdy
with faith,
raise branches
Sunward in worship.

What Helps

There have been several relief avenues that have emerged from my walking through this journey of grief. Some of them where childhood things left in the dust of adulthood, rediscovered. Others are completely new.

  1. Art: A friend invited me to join art class. I find myself growing still and quiet as my fingers discover and work the paints into new images.
  2. Walks: From the fragrance of leaves to the critters playing through the trees I am reminded of God’s provision for me. I have a heightened awareness of the union of life and death in nature.
  3. Photography: A new love and discovery. I delight in capturing new perspective through my lens.
  4. Blogging: Discipline, discipline, discipline! I am learning that writing through grief keeps me opening myself to God’s provision and joy daily.

 

As you walk through challenges, what new avenues of input and expression are you finding? Feel free to share; you may help others to discover ways of persevering.

The Juxtapositions of Christ

I dance where there is no music,
I sing when there is no song,
I cry out when there are no words, and
I am silent when the world is shouting out!
I heal when there is no medicine,
I carry your burdens when others put them down,
I love when others hate me, and
I forgive when I should keep a record of wrongs.
I live when death surrounds me, and
I die to self to preserve your life.

 

(Poem written in the early days of grief)

 

I Have Never Been Stranded on Mars, but if I were . . .

“At some point, everything’s gonna go south on you and you’re going to say, this is it. This is how I end. Now you can either accept that, or you can get to work. That’s all it is. You just begin. You do the math. You solve one problem and you solve the next one, and then the next. And If you solve enough problems, you get to come home.” –Mark Watney (The Martian)

I have had a multitude of troubles thrown my way, but I can honestly say, I have never been stranded on Mars. In the early days after Jonathan’s death a friend asked, “How are you doing this? How are you able to function?”

My answer, “I’m not.”

I knew several things almost instantly the day Jonathan died.

  1. This was hell on earth.
  2. I could not stand in this furnace alone.
  3. I would grieve with hope.

Galatians 2:20I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

I live, because Christ lives. The more I am crucified with Christ, my fleshly desire to have Jonathan alive dies. So many of us do not get over losing our children because it is a way of keeping them alive in our minds. God does not say, “Just get over it.” He mourns with us! At the same time he invites us to the realization that God will be glorified. We cannot stare longingly at the grave of our past and expect to resurrect what is not within God’s will. We must keep our eyes fixed upon the cross if we want to live.

I wrestle with this aspect of God’s character, but I also know he did not spare his own son. When Jesus started talking to the followers about “eating his flesh”, many walked away. (John 6:53) This is a hard teaching! Will I leave Jesus because I cannot fully get my mind around what he is asking of me? No! Who else in this world has changed my life. Who else has loved me like you? You are the Christ and my salvation is in you alone.

I am finding that the cross is the juxtaposition of Christ! Opposites collide on the cross– life and death, pain and pleasure, law and grace, sin and holiness, shame and glory. On the cross Jesus understands, both my deepest sorrow, and the heights of his fathers glory. And as I die my spirit is revealed more and more. I pray that I too, one day, can fully state. “Into your hands I commit my spirit.” I don’t have to scramble, alone, to solve enough problems to get home. Christ already solved them for me on the cross. I’m already home!

 

Unraveling Upper Room

We need an upper room

to cloister our grief and shock

of burying the plans

we wove tightly into

you.

 

 

 

Good morning Lord

Matthew 25:20 And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.’

Father, I raise my hands to you. Thank you for Daniel and Natalie who fill our house with laughter and adventure. What a precious gift my hard working husband is; teach me to bless and treasure him as you desire to bless him. I praise you for my many sisters and brothers in Christ. Truly I am never alone!

Open my eyes to heaven, that I may more clearly see your mighty acts poured over the earth. Strengthen my body so that I can serve you without reserve. Help me to get to know the spirit that you have placed in me and equip me to fight despair, lifting others out of the pit as you have lifted me! Father, it is your will that none perish and I come into agreement with your will.

You have gifted writing to me! I return the gift to you like the servant entrusted with five precious talents. May my delight in glorifying you increase! Amen.

Attacked, but Not Powerless

1 Corinthians 16:13 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. (ESV)

Just ran into a friend fresh in the process of grieving the death of her newborn grandson. She relayed that the enemy was attacking her in the midst of her sorrow with a barrage of doubts and fears that everything that she does is meaningless.

Our enemy is merciless! He is no respecter of grief, depression, or even joy! Some of the seemingly happiest people are under deep attack. Why? No matter whether any of us believe in our creator, Satan does. He hates God, and his goal is to destroy everything God deems beautiful and good. We are the crown joy of God’s creation. As wonderful as nature is, only we are made in the image of Yahweh and receive His breath of life, therefore, we are Satan’s prime target.

Recognizing that Satan will not relent is crucial. Protecting ourselves and gaining ground does not happen by accident. We must guard ourselves, be secure in what we believe to be true, be true to the character God has placed in us, and continue to exercise our spiritual muscles. Warriors train, they listen to the guidance of their commanders, they prepare every day for battle, and they stay alert.

Lord, I am really battle weary today. Help me to rest in your arms tonight and allow you to strengthen my body, mind, and spirit. Amen

 

 

Valuable Valentine

Trace the curves of Virtue,

She softens your soul

with her joy, and kneads

stresses away with her

attentive ear.

How tenderly she leans into your perspective,

and fills your world with fresh fragrance.

Cradle her heart

like a valuable valentine–

You are nurturing the heart of God.

Would You Walk Through The Door?

Philippians1:29For to you it has been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, 30experiencing the same conflict which you saw in me, and now hear to be in me.

 

You stand in a room filled with doors. Each one opens to a path you could take, but only one leads to the salvation of many people. If you walk through that door you will experience depression, betrayal, abuse, overwhelming loss, constant stress, persecution and die an early death. Would you walk through the door?

Let me know your thoughts.

 

Suicide & Prevention Hotline

National Suicide Hotline

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/