The rain fits me right now, I am cloudy. As May is on my doorstep, so is Mother’s Day and my son’s birthday. I have had such an amazing year, but the heaviness of my heart is overwhelming today. So what do you do when pain and grief are so heavy they threaten to flood your soul?
I look for the rainbows. Lord, even grief carries the seeds of your healing. May I grow stronger as I remember my child. Amen
If I could reach back and trace the pink face not yet
troubled and embroiled in years, stroke little fingers,
And nuzzle dependent heart, would it make a difference in your dying?
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No.
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There should be no surprise—obeying God leads to rolling the dice with men.
I carried complete power and total submission in my womb nine months.
But, even as I nursed truth, I struggled
to die to motherhood.
The cross was born of my obedience.
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Your heart now beats in the tender words spoken to
the desperate and despised. We fellowship with bread offered
to empty bellies.
Our hope is planted, watered, and grows in resurrected soil.
And I breathe. . . Oh, my soul breathes
deeply the fragrance of your presence with me. The cross did not
separate us, it made us one!
You live in the past, present, and future, and I find you in the gutters of obedience.
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I’ve drowned in this ocean of odds before, hiding
who I am amongst the smoke and hollow
laughter of the other gamblers.
Bluffing my way through disaster.
You know my tell, nothing
is hidden from you.
Attempted to play by my own rules
with the hand God dealt, but I was swallowed
by a whale. The House always wins!
.
1 Kings 19:…11So He said, “Go forth and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD was passing by! And a great and strong wind was rending the mountains and breaking in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12After the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of a gentle blowing.
Sometimes we need normal, in an abnormal life.
By normal I mean that some of the best moments in life come in plain packages. Ours came in the shape of a random park on the edge of a lake in the middle of Houston. My husband wisely realized that the kids needed time to run and play after touring and being in and out of the car for a couple of days. Like Elijah, we were exhausted from the constant barrage of sickness and difficulty we are experiencing. We needed a respite.
Chasing each other, climbing, and exploring was just what we all needed to lay bare our wounds before God and allow him to feed our souls. What we didn’t expect was the hour of delight my kids took in watching the numerous fish jumping in the lake. They squealed with laughter when a fish jumped close to the dock and splashed them. Brian and I sat on a dock bench, enjoying our kids and sharing the quiet moment to worship together. It was easier to hear God.
“I am here and just as I provide for these fish, I am and always will be your sustainer.”
“Operation Texas” is preparing us for the new aspects of our journey! Just like Elijah, we came back better, refreshed in spirit, and aware that we are not alone.
The tree won’t save you!
Marinated memories tenderized by time,
simmer and sizzle with laughter on the grill.
Still tender pink and moist with grief.
Yet, each bite bursting with the fresh flavor of hope.
2 Samuel 7:4 But in the same night the word of the LORD came to Nathan, saying, 5“Go and say to My servant David, ‘Thus says the LORD, “Are you the one who should build Me a house to dwell in? 6“For I have not dwelt in a house since the day I brought up the sons of Israel from Egypt, even to this day; but I have been moving about in a tent, even in a tabernacle.…
I have struggled with “catch a one-way-bus” syndrome for the past few weeks and today it reached fever pitch. I sat at my dinning room table, staring at houses listings, feeling like I was going to implode if I didn’t open the release valve. So I began mowing our yard.
God brought to mind the overwhelming longing I felt 14 years ago, to share my life with someone after being totally content with being single for 6 years was confusing. I felt stirred up. In those days, friends and family moved away, and I asked God to either make me content with Him alone again, or if this stirring was from Him, to provide a husband. He did both. I had such a joy in the journey and, because I opened myself to new possibilities, I met Brian. As I mowed my rows today, I finally  became quiet enough to listen.
Me:Lord I want a change. I want a one story house in the country.
God: You take yourself wherever you go.
Me: So that’s a no?
God: Contentment is in me, not a location. If you do not learn to have a joy in your work here, then expanding your tent pegs isn’t going create lasting peace.
Me: Yes, Lord. Teach me to love being present with you here in my home. Reveal the sin in me that rebels against your will and direction.
The tension left my shoulders and I let the bus leave without me.
A terrible nightmare woke me up at 2:30 last night and kept me awake the rest of the night. What is the cause of nightmares? When I look at the elements of most of my nightmares they center around trying to stop things that I seem powerless to stop. In other words control.
How do any of us reach the place we trust God with the good, bad, and really ugly? Here are some clues:
Genesis 50:…19But Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? 20“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.
No matter the circumstances, God’s will is accomplished.
Matthew 9:20And a woman who had been suffering from a hemorrhage for twelve years, came up behind Him and touched the fringe of His cloak; 21for she was saying to herself, “If I only touch His garment, I will get well.”…22Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.†And instantly the woman was made well.
God rewards those who earnestly and persistently seek him!
Philippians 4:12I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. 13I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.…
My ability to be content in every circumstance is dependent upon Christ, not my own works.
Proverbs 3:…7Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 8It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.
Sin is deadly! When I am clearly aware of the sovereignty of God over my circumstances my nightmares have no place to breed anger, control, anxiety, etc.!
Thank you God for scripture to remind me of your truth! Amen
We huddle against the odds.
Battle bruised and broken, interlocked
by purpose, cradling
each other in prayer.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/