June 2016 - Page 2 of 2 - Turning the Page on Suicide

Monthly Archives: June 2016

Grief Tug-of-War

Posted June 14, 2016 | Karisa Moore

Grief is two lovers yanking you in opposite directions.

The Past,Â pulls outÂ his photo albums showing off his plump family of memories.Â Inviting you to warm yourself byÂ the faded fires of yesterday; still snapping andÂ popping in your mind,Â until you realizeÂ thatÂ you areÂ freezing to death . . . And the FutureÂ sucks you into a black hole of regret, threatening to crush you over and over with what will never happen.

Get to know the Present, he is your daily companion. He walks beside you andÂ sustains you; pulling the curtains closedÂ on yesterday and introducing you to new brilliant mornings. He holds you tight as you sob, and reveals the unknown in quantities you can handle. He will always be here with you, while the Past never stays, and the Future may never come.

Do Not Anticipate

Posted June 11, 2016 | Karisa Moore

“Do not anticipate.” is the mantra pilgrims hear on the Walk to Emmaus. You do not take a watch, electronic device, or clock. People tell you where to go at the appointed times. It is the weirdest feeling to spend the majority of your life run by all of thee above and suddenly leave them all behind. But, you stop anticipating and begin living in the moment.

Today I realized that I am anticipating July 1st. My son dies that day and since his birthday in May my anxiousness and anticipation has increased. I was overwhelmed by a sense of impending doom. But, WE DON’T HAVE TO ANTICIPATE! If God is enough each day than what comes tomorrow really doesn’t matter to today.

July 1st will come, no matter what I anticipate and it will be whatever it will be. Jesus didn’t pray, “Give me enough bread for July 1st.” He prayed, “Give us, this day, our daily bread.” It is amazing the peace that washes over us when we stop anticipating and become open to God’s will, come what may. What are you anticipating?

He Spoke the World Into Existence

Posted June 10, 2016 | Karisa Moore

Words have power!

Psalm 139: God’s Complete Physical

Posted June 8, 2016 | Karisa Moore

Lord, you have given me a complete physical and you know the state of my mind, body, and soul.

My daily planner lays open before you.

My thoughts are front page news as you sip your morning coffee.

When I leave for work, or shut the computerÂ down for the night, you observe.

The bottom line, you have made my life your business.

My words are filtered through your righteousness.

and you determine their worth.

You have a 360 degree view–there is not a side of me hidden from you.

I don’t get a personal bubble.

I don’t understand why you are so intimately involved and I’m not sure

I want to.

There is no escaping your activity in my life. Your Spirit is everywhere!

Of course you are in charge of the heavens,

and I can’t find a bunker deep enough to hide from you.

I can sit in first class on American and you are there.

You are the navigator of my ship directing my course, like a

father withÂ his child,Â through a seaÂ ofÂ people IÂ could easily be lost in.

Let’s face it, I can’t play pick-a-boo with You.

You are a giant flashlight illuminating my soul.

In fact, YouÂ sewedÂ my soul together, in my

mother’s womb.

You hold the first 4-D image

of who I am.

And you give your stamp of approval,

who am I to argue with that!

When I was nothing more than a lump of clay, you

knew what I would become.

You have the first edition of my life

before a word was ever written.

I am eager to know your thoughts.

I do not have a databank

large enough to contain them.

That you choose to share your plans

with me when I awake, amazing!

So why do my enemies come between us!

Please remove them, I can’t stop thinking about

their threats and schemes.

Haven’t I obeyed you, and they have not.

Ultimately I know their fight is with you.

When they stand against me, they stand

against you.

We are back to the beginning. Since You know me so well, you know

that I fear how strong my enemy seems. If there is anything that offends you remove

it so that you stay my companion forever.

Past or Present: The Finish Line is Ahead not Behind Us

Posted June 7, 2016 | Karisa Moore

I needed this reminder today as I struggle with dwelling on the grave.

God’s Signiture Piece

Posted June 6, 2016 | Karisa Moore

We are not dieÂ stamped, manufactured

on the factory floor and manhandled down

the assembly line, only to be discarded if we are

defective.

God’s hands took intimate pleasure

inÂ sculpting man and women.

He dug into earth, kneadingÂ clay into

his own image. Checking proportions, building

the detailed science of vein, muscle, bone and ligament.

smoothingÂ skin to skeleton withÂ thumbs, chiseling

eyes, curling lips and dipping dimples. When he stepped

back, he was pleased–

And signed his workÂ with his own DNA.

Love, the Remedy for Second Hand Depression

Posted June 2, 2016 | Karisa Moore

Job 30:15“Terrors are turned against me; They pursue my honor as the wind, And my prosperity has passed away like a cloud. 16“And now my soul is poured out within me; Days of affliction have seized me. 17“At night it pierces my bones within me, And my gnawing pains take no rest.â€¦

What do we do when loved onesÂ are giving up on life? Is there such a thing as secondhand depression? Yes, I believe that there is. Like Job’s wife, do we respond, “Curse God and die.”? I don’t think she said those things because she hated Job. I believe she had given into fear. Fear of the circumstances, fear of the onslaught, and fear of loss. She was like Ruth’s mother-in-law, telling her people to no longer call her Naomi, but to call her Marah (Bitter).Â We are asking, what kind of God allows this kind of suffering?!

The lastÂ year with Jonathan was hard! His personality changed so completely that sometimes he said awful things to us. He refused medical care, and he fought mightily with a desire to give up. I was on my knees crying out to God so many times that I was often horse. At moments the fear of losing Jonathan was more tangible than God’s presence, and I struggled to love. Fear and love cannot occupy the same space; fear isÂ a cancer, mimicking normal cells of concern so that we don’t fight its systematic takeover of our ability to love. But fight we must! I don’t mean strive and claw our way out of depression, I’m talking about LETTING GOD FIGHT FOR US. Only when I finally handed Jonathan’s wellbeingÂ over to God could I finally love my son, come what may. Those last few months were the best they could be between the two of us.

Mother TheresaÂ and the Sister’s of Charity ministered with love,Â to those often cursing back at them as they were dying. I have been studying her character for a while, and I am learning how much depression is based on control and conditions. I want to be in control and I am depressed when I am not. We want to be loved back! But oh the power to change the world, when we love from the vantage point of the cross. Are you in the midst of loving someone who may never love you back? Well God has been doing that since the creation of the world. For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son. That whosoever believes in him, shall not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16) That kind of love is the model for how we are to love those who are struggling with depression. Accepting His loveÂ which has no possible repayment is the cure for secondhand depression.Â Loving like ChristÂ is productive suffering!