1 Peter 5: 7-9 Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8 Be sober-minded and alert. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in your faith and in the knowledge that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering.

In 5 days my son dies. I know now . . . I didn’t know on June 26th, 2014. Life was hard, but there was also laughter and joy. Jonathan’s soul was deeply troubled, but I still had hope that he would find peace. Please hear me, all of you who battle with depression day in and day out, SUICIDE DOES NOT END THE BATTLE, IT SPREADS IT!

Every day my life is affected by my son’s choice. His friends live differently, some better and some worse, his siblings’ lives are harder, and all the people who would have loved him, and been loved by him have an empty space where he should have been known. Many of us have to make a decision, on any given day, to turn the page on Jonathan’s actions and choose something different.

I understand despair, my wrists bear the permanent marks of my own battles. But God took a broken self-destructive young woman, changed and convinced her to place hope in His presence, His plan, and His provision for her life.  I continue to choose hope, even after Jonathan’s suicide.

I have learned in these four years of grieving with hope, yes the enemy very much means suicide for evil. His plan was to crush as many souls as possible with my son’s suicide. But that is all he can do, plan.

You and I have the choice of whether to agree with that plan.

I choose to cast all of my anxiety on God. There are others suffering in the same battle with despair. The devil will not devour me, and I pray to strengthen many of you by standing firm in the gospel. In return, God is taking my bone-crushing sorrow and transforming it into a beautiful head-turning butterfly. I am encouraged by many of you who also testify that life, even life plagued by despair, is worth living!

ANNOUNCING: Broken Butterflies: Emerging from Grief, A Survivor of Suicide’s Poetry Journal is now available on Amazon in printed form and soon will be ready as an e-book. One more way I am shouting with every ounce of my being that we Turn the Page on Suicide together!

Surrender is not a wound rendering your wings useless, but the gift from God, lifting you to His highest purpose.