Posts Categorized: depression

Putting on Your Skates: When the impossible becomes possible

Philippians 2:…26For he has been longing for all of you and is distressed because you heard he was ill. 27He was sick indeed, nearly unto death. But God had mercy on him, and not only on him but also on me, to spare me sorrow upon sorrow. 28Therefore I am all the more eager to send him, so that when you see him again you may rejoice, and I may be less anxious.…

Resilience does not come from some secret place only a select few can access. It comes from knowing that there is always a “but God”. . . in every hardship. –Karisa

Today, I admit to you that I am discouraged. My hip is painful and my knees are getting in on the act. A visit with the orthopedist did not result in any easy or long-term solutions.  They cannot replace cartilage. Surgery to clean out the socket, at this point of deterioration, may be too late to be effective, and a hip replacement would wear out and have to be done again. So I sit here, sipping my anti-inflammatory concoction and remind myself to put on my skates.

A couple of weeks ago, I wanted so badly to get out on the floor with my kids and skate at my nephew’s party, that I finally laced up and went out. I was very cautious . . . at first. One fall and my cartilage might tear worse than it already is. But it was such a pleasure to be out there and I did not fall! So, do I withdraw from life because it could be painful? Do I stop seeking the great physician because the earthly ones can’t find a solution? No! I am convinced that nothing can separate me from God’s love. Pain included!

In this moment I take in a deep breath and lace up my shoes again. Enjoying the life God gives to me, and trusting him with my mind, body, and spirit. He wants good things for us. Put on your skates, and live life to the fullest. Turn this page, and find out what happens next!

Thankful Thursdays: We Have Such a Cloud of Witnesses

How did I go from complete isolation, to this cloud of witnesses cheering me on to the mark God has set before me? Some of you were already there, but my depression became blinders to the help you offered. To my newer friends, or strangers who plant seeds in my life as we pass each other in our journeys, thank you for listening and acting on the Holy Spirit’s counsel. My life is changed because of you!

You all matter so much! Don’t think for a split second that I don’t see you. More importantly, God knows your kindnesses to me! Matthew 25:40 And the King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me. Do you think that I could withstand the onslaught of this storm alone? Do you think that the living room full of people the day my son died was just a tiny blip on the radar? The effect of their presence is still with me. There are many days, when the darkness draws tighter around me, but God brings your hug, your card, your touch to the forefront of my mind and reminds me that I am not alone!

Today I am thank you for YOU! For your love, support and journeying with me. I’m thankful for my friends encouraging me right now towards better health. I’m grateful, though all that I have may crumble to the ground, God you are faithful. I praise you that my kids are learning this in a mighty way. I’m thankful for Compassion’s pray list that is teaching my children to pray for others around the world. Thank you Lord for your word, that reminds me of who I am, your sovereignty and grace, and who my neighbors are.

Thank you for opening my spirit, mind and body to a new path towards health. Thank you Jesus for not fitting into my box!

Thankful Thursdays: My Basement is Flooded and I Still Choose to Praise

So I was thinking Job today and God gave me Hannah’s prayer of thanksgiving instead.

1 Samuel 2:1-10 Then Hannah prayed and said, “My heart exults in the LORD; My horn is exalted in the LORD, My mouth speaks boldly against my enemies, Because I rejoice in Your salvation. 2“There is no one holy like the LORD, Indeed, there is no one besides You, Nor is there any rock like our God. 3“Boast no more so very proudly, Do not let arrogance come out of your mouth; For the LORD is a God of knowledge, And with Him actions are weighed. 4“The bows of the mighty are shattered, But the feeble gird on strength. 5“Those who were full, hire themselves out for bread, But those who were hungry cease to hunger. Even the barren gives birth to seven, But she who has many children languishes. 6“The LORD kills and makes alive; He brings down to Sheol and raises up. 7“The LORD makes poor and rich; He brings low, He also exalts. 8“He raises the poor from the dust, He lifts the needy from the ash heap. To make them sit with nobles, And inherit a seat of honor; For the pillars of the earth are the LORD’S, And He set the world on them. 9“He keeps the feet of His godly ones, But the wicked ones are silenced in darkness; For not by might shall a man prevail. 10“Those who contend with the LORD will be shattered; Against them He will thunder in the heavens, The LORD will judge the ends of the earth; And He will give strength to His king, And will exalt the horn of His anointed.”

This is a woman who knows God’s sovereignty and our freedom to walk humbly with our God. She is barren, despised by her community, but she prays and God gives her a son. She gives that son right back to Him! Her son Samuel will one day anoint David as King, and ultimately leading to the birth of Jesus! To know that what God will do in our lives is far greater than our suffering, our circumstances even our accumulated wealth, and our kingdom is a rare wisdom.  Do you and have it? Are we willing to humble ourselves, submit to God’s authority and wait on his answer? Do we accept that he is limitless?

I raise my hands to the heavens and declare: You Lord know what you are doing! Wow! Oh Father I give you praise that my husband, kids, and I are drawing closer in the midst of our storm. I praise you that we can laugh! I praise you that the sun rose again. I praise you for keeping Brian and Natalie safe as they drove through the flooded streets last night. I praise you that my house is still standing. I praise you that we are still standing! You are a good God. I praise you for the friends who love and support us. Thank you for making our path straight.

Thank you Jesus for our salvation! Amen

 

Mood Ring Mondays: Intentional Peace

Isaiah 26:…2“Open the gates, that the righteous nation may enter, The one that remains faithful. 3“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You.

Today has been an intentional day of adjusting my mood when it first begins going sour. The strangest result: as I remain calm my family seems to recalibrate their own moods. Pretty cool!

I took the time for a bike ride and my hip only complained once.

Lord, I pray for healing and wholeness for my husband, children and myself. Amen

Thankful Thursdays: Taking a Praise Shower on Friday

Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

This morning I was an explosion waiting to happen. Just light the fuse and shrapnel everywhere! Yet another night of pain and not sleeping. The cortisone shot doesn’t seem to be working. I had intended on recording my thankfulness yesterday, but felt it all stopped up by the struggle and pain of functioning. As I read my Unglued devotional this morning the thankfulness began washing over me!

So Lord, I praise you this morning!

  • What great music you are playing for me on the radio! (Air 1)
  • My husband and I laughed this morning
  • I get to bundle up and go watch a high school football game tonight!
  • My in-laws have my kids for the weekend
  • I didn’t come unglued, instead I acknowledged my anger and released it
  • Dishes are complete!
  • I get to write!
  • The cardinal that landed on my deck
  • That I don’t have to rely on my own strength
  • Your daily love notes in scripture: Today meditating on Psalm 73:26
  • Friends

What can you praise God for this morning?

Thursday Trails: Stepping Outside of Depression

I love hiking the trails out our local nature parks. I don’t think, I don’t worry, and I don’t plot and plan. I am a child, with a camera and my God becomes bigger than my depression, insomnia and grief. Time stands still as I breath more deeply and gain new perspective.

Comment about some of your favorite parks or trails. How does nature expand your faith and shrink your depression?

Testimony Tuesday: I Am Lost

Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

The Problem

Lost.

That word evokes so many things. Fear, flashbacks, loneliness, and panic. For me it means I’m not meeting someone’s expectation and I tend to get agitated and more lost. I was in a new and unfamiliar area today and I might have well been on Mars. I have a debilitating fear of asking for help in these situations. But, I pulled into Kroger’s parking lot and called the imaging center. She gave me directions from there, including landmarks (all of which I found by the way), but I was at a different Kroger. I wasn’t even close to the location. Even more lost.

Directions often get jumbled in my brain and the GPS didn’t help, it sent me to their previous location. So you have one lost, flustered woman, trying to get to an unknown destination. To add insult to injury, I really needed to go to the bathroom! I stopped at two locations, but neither had a public bathroom. One gave me directions to the imaging place, though. So I tried again.

Nope, wrong imaging place. Then came the aha moment.

God, I surrender to you that I am lost.”

We have been working on taking my thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ since the day I said I was ALL IN, three weeks ago. I had multiple problems to address. Which one was the most pressing and easiest to relieve? Yes the pun is not lost on me. I was late, that was certain. A few more minutes wasn’t going to change that fact. I walked into the wrong imaging center and used their bathroom. Now, to the desk to explain my situation and get proper directions from people who live in the area. She wrote out directions and gave me distinct landmarks. (Mental note, return to this imaging center if I give up on the other). I returned my car with a fresh new perspective.

I called the office and asked if there was any point in trying to make it to them, or should I return home. They could still fit me in. No longer flustered, I found my way.

The Lesson

Can I surrender to being lost? In other words, can I surrender to being vulnerable and human in the sight of God and others? Part of what God is teaching me about surrender is that there are no “have to s”. I am already loved, already chosen, and already found! This kind of lost was a temporary circumstance. I already have experienced being so lost that I thought cutting, alcohol, sex, anorexia, and finally suicide, would somehow help me to find my way out. The biblical directions, might as well been for Martians. I neither understood this God who was seeking me, nor that I was that one sheep that he left his whole flock for.

I am no longer, permanently lost. Now, I am safe, secure, and most certainly not alone in a foreign land, because God is with me. I have directions for living in this life and the promise of the new life to come.  I can have joy in this moment of being temporarily lost because he knows my struggle and makes my path straight.

You are already loved, even if you feel lost right now, he has chosen you, and may my testimony be a landmark in your journey. You can cry out to be found, even from the darkest pit.

 

 

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