The snap of surprise,
as the ragged watch you
boldly clear a temple bustling
with the commerce of greedy self-worship.
Freeing frightened birds flapping wildly in cages of false belief.
Awakening truth in the hearts of prostitutes, liars,
and outcast.
God leans on sinners.
Asks the wicked to pray for him.
Chooses friends among enemies, and
intimately sweats the blood of flesh, to meet
his own righteous expectations.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:3).
Survivors of Suicide must do what our loved one could not–walk out of the darkness.
We cannot help what was, but we can be a part of changing what is. How?
This is the foundation God is laying in my grief. that help me to continue through the valley of the shadow of death rather than becoming mired in the pit of despair.
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When crumpled pages still turn
marked and argued within margins
and ideas of who you are no longer boxed in
then I falter no longer, but trust even when …
When the dust settles over
grave and grass grows
thick over death, your life
still quickens in the womb of
a mother’s grief.
My heart staggers; fear makes me tremble. The twilight of my desire has turned to horror.
Isaiah 21:4 NIV
Awoke this morning to images of my dead son. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does sometimes I can move my brain to dwell on God’s goodness. Other times I cannot.
God planted some new book ideas last night. A great blessing. But, this new, potential series takes me back to those first days, and once those cataloged images are opened some unwanted ones come with it. So what do I do when my thoughts are uncontrollable?
You cannot always help where thoughts may go in grief. But, you do not have to stay there.
Father, take my thoughts and align them with your truth. Calm my mind and let me rest in the truth that I am yours. Amen
Birthed from the womb
of your grave, I gasp my first breath of new
life and cry out.
I love finding other poets to respond to in poetry. Take a look at Radhika Shah’s poem, “Depression calls again” as posted on Jalvis Quotes.
My response:
Bed made, doubt can’t stop me.
Renumbered days feel possible.
Attention, I will not quit!
Not your call, Not your call.
Bed dressed, habit of hope.
Time waits quietly,
already prepared for the
wrong pressed against determination.
Is there a way through? Is there a way through?
Attention all obstacles
opposite to thought, you are
mere specks of trouble
darkening my life.
Is it possible?
Smile, remember days overcome.
Tried and tested. Tried and tested.
Uncomfortable stretching of muscles untrained.
Help me with your presence, so that I may
lie in peace, lie in peace.
Yes and Yes! Such a beautiful and truthful reminder to remember who we were and who we are becoming because of what we experience. I especially loved the line, “Just peep back into a time ,where you laughed so much ,that your belly hurts …” I immediately smiled because the memory surfaced.
Inflate my heart with purpose.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/