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Depression is a Terrible Interior Decorater: Inviting in Hope to change my thinking

Posted November 18, 2014 | Karisa Moore

Sometimes we wake up already overwhelmed by life. In Daniel’s mind there is still snow on the ground ergo no school. The roads are well cleared. He refused to accept that he had to go to school. Truth didn’t matter, presenting the school closings to his eyes did not dissuade his mind.

We can behave the same with depression. Depression should never be hired as an interior decorator! It will always paint the walls black and put up pictures that reflect itself, n…ot the truth about our identity. For the longest time I let depression have free reign in my spirit. It was no wonder I found myself in a windowless cell where all I could see were the things that reinforced what I already believed about myself. There was no hope.

No matter how many outside forces may be pushing in on us, we always have a choice. It starts with inviting hope in. I am currently decorating with hope! I used to invite depression in like it would comfort me. But since I have experienced the source of all hope, depression can come knocking, as it often does when tragedy strikes, but I am different.

My soul’s walls are painted with:

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Psalm 43 (all)

I now have the strength to take every thought captive and make it obedience to Christ.

It started with inviting hope in. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

This verse was the first light in my darkened cell and it showed me that I don’t want to live like this any more!

Grieving with Hope: Painting my son’s room

Posted November 11, 2014 | Karisa Moore

Turn the Page:

Today is a hard day to turn. I don’t feel particularly sad, just unsure. Lord reveal your purpose for today. Amen

This is one more large day without Jonathan. We are painting Daniel’s room today and maybe that is harder than I originally thought it would be. We will be honoring Jonathan’s place in Daniel’s life in some spectacular ways. . . Ah, there are the tears. Jonathan’s presence will still be there. I kept their growth chart in their room. I’m going to take a picture of it before we paint over it.

Oh my there is the depth of my ache. I miss you so much my sweet man! “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always . As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be! ” I used to sing that to Jonathan from the book I’ll Love You Forever. He loved it, and sang it to me not long before he died.

Many of you may be familiar with the story. I remember my first read through I was a bit disturbed by the mother climbing through her adult son’s room and rocking him in her arms as she sang her song, but I understood the heart of the image. As Jonathan pulled away from me towards the end I held him in my heart, and prayed for him, and longed for security for him.

What I was not familiar with was the fact that the author wrote the book as a memorial to two still born babies he and his wife had. Even as we grieve, love, hope, life and celebration can occur. Even if we have but a moment, or no moment at all to say goodbye.

Isaiah 66:12 For thus says the Lord:
â€œBehold, I will extend peace to her like a river,
and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream;
and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip,
and bounced upon her knees.
13As one whom his mother comforts,
so I will comfort you;
you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.
14You shall see, and your heart shall rejoice;
your bones shall flourish like the grass;
and the hand of the Lord shall be known to his servants,
and he shall show his indignation against his enemies.

Iron Out Despair

Posted March 21, 2024 | Karisa Moore

Iron Out Despair

Wrinkled, unkempt, weary.
Sometimes, the sluggishness of despair,
refuses to stumble out of bed, prepare, or
repair you.

Do the things that made you, you, make you, You,
and will make you YOU again.
Despite the distorted reflection blinking
blankly back, you are still sculpted by a master artist.
Love. Be loved.
Live a plump life, hoping in what you do not yet see.

Once again, run barefoot with giggling wonder.
Know nothing can deplete joy of secure identity.

Splash cool water over wethered soul.
Comb out compassion, understanding, and faithfulness.
Iron out despair again and again,
until dis-repair gets the clue that
you have formed a habit of knowing
who and whose you are.

Resource:

Your Hope-Filled Perspective Podcast

A weekly podcast by Neuro-Psychologist Dr. Michelle Bengtson
I have read three of her books, listened to her podcast, and am a regular listener. Today, Dr. Bengtson suggested that those wanting to help people dealing with chronic illness to actively reach out because, often, a chronic sufferer will not ask for help. Example: “I’m headed to the grocery store. What can I pick up for you?”

Trying to make a change in your self-care? Read: Deflate the Bed and Give Me Life

Furnace of God’s Presence

Posted January 2, 2024 | Karisa Moore

I am in the furnace of God’s presence
Where all I’ve learned from scripture
of your character becomes tangible, concrete,
and battle-tested by false belief.

Pushed into the furnace of God’s presence
Shame will not singe me.
The flames of intended destruction
laugh and lick around my delicate flesh with delight. Possessed.
The truth of Your love—a breath prayer.
I am nothing more than a suppressed slave to the world’s whim.
What power do I have against mighty nations?

But I’ve witnessed your sovereign will
You destroy idols and humble mankind.
I’m here in these flames of trust, you are here in your faithfulness.
On tiptoes of hope, I stretch out my arms to heaven
and submit to my Sovereign King, Redeemer, Rescuer, and Abba, come what may.
Head tilted towards heaven in defiant praise, I shout,
“Glory is Yours alone. There is no
other!”
.
I surrender to Your holy presence.
The only fire that consumes me.
I trust You in the even if…

(This poem was inspired by Daniel 3 when King Nebuchadnezzar threatened to throw three young Hebrew men into the furnace if they did not bow down to the image made in his likeness.)

“Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, ‘O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up’ ” (Daniel 3:16-18ESV).

For further reading: A God I Did Not Form

Marriage By Design

Posted November 21, 2023 | Karisa Moore

Tender tenacious kiss of one
who embraces hope when all seems lost.
One who traces hot tears of misunderstanding back
to their source and chooses forgiveness. One
who adventures to, discovers, and treasures your identity.
One who walks with you,
fingers entwined in quiet. One who
stands fast to protect when your soul
is battered by attack. One designed
by The Creator to love you.

Rooted Tree, Grow in Christ

Posted October 19, 2023 | Karisa Moore

Tree.
What are you afraid of?
You are rooted.
Storms strengthen.
Drought triggers thirst for Him.
Sacrifice multiplies seeds of hope.
Nothing is wasted.
Not even death.
Grow with sun-kissed joy!

Not Cotton Candy Faith

Posted October 17, 2023 | Karisa Moore

This isn’t fairground faith,
Setting up temporary attractions to entertain,
This is a battleground.

This is a crawl-on-your-belly-through-muck kind of faith.
Faith like this knows the pain of barbs and mourns the consequences
of not hitting the mark.

Faith
in Jesus Christ doesn’t melt in your mouth
and jolt your system with a quick high. This faith knows
drought and famine and still
chooses to grit it out and hope.

Upside-Down Kingdom

Posted October 2, 2023 | Karisa Moore

My flesh stings with the stripes of suffering. Persecuted,
rejected, abandoned. What are these to me in light of eternity
with You? Your upside-down kingdom of servant king is a balm
to my heartache.

Though my flesh revolts at the dirt of humility and
my mind balks at unseen hope, I pick up my cross
and follow You night and day. Faith in You never
disappoints! Tears and songs
gurgle and bubble to the surface like a spring. You, Oh Lord,
are the source of circumstance-transforming joy.

And when my night comes, when all hope seems lost, and my flesh
bleeds to betray You. May I
cry out like Jesus. “It is finished,” and trust your resurrection power.

Peter’s Darkest Night

Posted September 28, 2023 | Karisa Moore

I possessed no doubt. Your identity
secure in my arrogance like a sword against
the throat of my enemies. You are the Messiah! But
your kingdom came, not with a roar
of victory, but a depressing death cry of, it is finished!

We shared
the same ministry dirt under the nails.
Fished for men. You called me friend.
This death you hinted at—not
on my watch!

You capsized my boat. Wrecked my
expectations. Did I really know you? Hope lies
rotting in a borrowed grave. I replay your
ministry over and over in my head. Where did I
go wrong? I called you Messiah! Did I really know you?

My battle cry, so passionate, so confident, last night, choked
out by the cock’s crow of my betrayal today. You looked at me.
You knew I would betray you, and still, you chose me. “Why?”
Bitterness mocked, “I’ll
follow you anywhere!”

I was ready to establish your kingdom.
The battle was in front of me. My heart pounded.
My nearest enemy’s ear lay on the ground, with
first blood of freedom. Who’s with me?

“Put your sword away, Peter,” you commanded. Put my sword
away? Didn’t you put this sword in my hand? Even as I was ready to destroy
you were ready to restore.

“Your kingdom come!”
What kingdom has ever come through a cross…

Countless times, you knelt and drew in the sand.
Treated the self-righteous as heathens. I felt elevated.
A part of something gloriously divine. Oh good,
the master will put these accusers in their place. I witnessed
your miracles, but restore an enemy? My knowledge of your royalty was robbed
by your humility—by your sacrifice.

Why did you choose me?

Bitterness Has No Room in My Heart

Posted September 26, 2023 | Karisa Moore

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Ephesians 4;31 ESV

Turning My Page: Bitterness Has No Place

“You can keep your mouth shut, God!” I yelled. I was mad, and I was going to stay angry until I heard an apology from the offending party. Not even God was going to get in my way this time. My husband was wrong; he hurt me, and that was all there was to it. God has a way of meddling with my temper and teaching me my heart’s attitude needs to change to be more like His. I have been apologizing for breathing since early childhood, and I resent being the one to make peace when my insides are roaring. I didn’t do anything wrong.

There is a very strong word for this…

Bitterness

I suppose it is a testimony to how much the God of the universe and I speak to one another that I attempted to be so familiar with him. And since I am not ashes, he might have nudged Gabriel and laughed. “My daughter just told me to shut up.” Any humor He found at the moment did not dissuade Him from taking a spiritual paddle to me.

The Holy Spirit nudged me and whispered, Do you really want to hold onto this anger?

A flash of twenty-two years of unchecked bitterness flashed in my mind. I already knew where bitterness led. Self-harm, guardedness, broken relationships, and layer upon layer of pent-up rage. in childhoodAt, what might have started as righteous anger quickly became an attitude of unforgiveness. Bitterness led to depression and suicide attempts. Bitterness gripped my soul so much that when the monster was finally revealed, I could hardly stand it! It ripped me apart: mind, body, and spirit.

Only when I confessed and released my anger did love fill the void, and now, knowing the healing power in forgiveness, I desire, above all else, to keep a short account. That means grudges are out of the question. I can’t bring up past hurts, and I can’t nurse and dwell on being wounded by others. God desires faith, hope, and love to rule over my wounded heart.

Lest you think this brushes over any hurt caused by another, please hear me. God makes it clear that it doesn’t. Just listen in on the brothers of Joseph who, in their hatred, got rid of Joseph and left him for dead. When they unknowingly have to face Joseph, the brother they left for dead, Joseph has a chance to get even with them, but he hears them say the following:

Then they said to one another, “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw his anguish when he pleaded with us, but we would not listen. That is why this distress has come upon us” (Genesis 42:21 BSB)

Joseph broke down in tears. Had to go to his private chambers and let out years of pent-up emotions. I bet anything that Joseph wrestled. The dream was coming true. Not how he imagined it, but how God imagined it. God may have reached into Joseph’s heart and asked the same question he asked me. Joseph, my son, do you really want to hold onto the bitterness? His brothers were a mess, and tno amount of revenge wouldfree Joseph from the years of betrayal and hardship. But forgiveness, oh, the sweet violence of forgiveness!

There is nothing like the release of forgiveness. In that moment with my husband, it came quickly. Years later, our bond is stronger, and I don’t regret for a second humbling myself and forgiving him in that moment I didn’t want to. As I grow in trusting God with the wounds I receive in this life, I realize how temporary suffering is and how prominent forgiveness is.

“And Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ And they cast lots to divide his garments” (Luke 23:24 ESV). Jesus said that from the cross. In light of his love, forgiveness, and pleading for mercy to his Heavenly Father, how can I not let go of anger and forgive quickly?

Turning Your Page

Oh, sweet friend, I speak to you as one who knows some of the deepest wounds this world can inflict. Is bitterness, malice, envy, jealousy, and hatred worth losing your soul? If you are ready to lay down your desire for vengeance, where in the world to start?

Confess what is making you angry.
Remember all the areas God has forgiven you.
Take a look at how Jesus responded to persecution.
Practice.
- Taking your thoughts captive and speaking the truth of scripture over them.
- Acknowledge the hurt, and ask God what he wants you to do with it.
- Pray for those who have hurt you.

Lord, these wounds are too much! Do you see them? Sear into my soul remembrance of the grace and forgiveness you extend to me. May I cry out for mercy to those who hurt me rather than vengeance. Amen

Search Results for: hope

Iron Out Despair

Turning My Page: Bitterness Has No Place

Bitterness

Turning Your Page

National Suicide Hotline