Search Results for: hope

A Tree Planted for the Lord’s Splendor

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were yet sinners Christ died for us.

I have a tree, just outside my office window that I love. When we first moved here, it was clearly diseased, but I just kept holding out as long as it had some semblance of life to it. A couple of years ago a tree expert gave it a death sentence and last year, it had a few branches with buds on them, but the rest was dead. Jonathan and I began to remove the tree. We trimmed the branches back to the trunk and Jonathan started cutting into the trunk, but because Jonathan was so ill, he got tired quickly and we took a break. That break extended out to this Spring.

Now the tree is loaded with new branches and full of leaves. In the midst of the very dead tree, life still existed, and where there is still life, there is still hope. Jesus died so that I could have abundant life, before I even knew that I was dead in my sins. Sometimes the weakness of our flesh must be trimmed, and the very marrow of our bones broken to reveal new life. Don’t give up, if there seems to be no fruit currently in your life.

Life Emerges from Death

Life Emerges from Death

You may be in a season of pruning, painful though it may be, the Lord promises a harvest in due season, if we do not give up. My little beautiful tree, is now a symbol, and it isn’t going anywhere!

You Knit Motherhood into my Soul

On this day you knit motherhood into my soul

Sweeping away cobwebs of brokenness and rebellion

Filling my world with the vivid colors I grew up missing

You deepened my breath, made me reach deeper inside

for strength that I had never explored, laughter never expressed, and hope unquenchable

by death.

On this day you made me a mother, and not even the grave can swallow my

joy.

Adjusting My focus from the Grave to Christ

When I took this picture I was frustrated that my kids were blurry; the camera focused on the headstone.  But, the image reflects my grief. The grave looms large and it difficult to concentrate on anything else. What looms large in your life? How do we bring into focus the truth of God’s love for us which in turn brings into clear focus those we love, his plan for us and the needs of others?

Focus on Christ as my Center through:

Scripture: But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:.. Lamentations 3:21

Prayer: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything through prayer and petition . . .Philippians 4:6-8

Witnessing: . . .you will be my witnesses . . . Acts 1:8  (no one else can share your story)

Fellowship: Do not stop meeting together as some are in the habit of doing . . . Hebrews 10:25

As I struggle these past two weeks with Jonathan’s birthday I realize that I have pulled away from these four foundational truths in my life. So today I renew these verses in my mind, and open myself to a clearer view of God, my husband and  children, and others. Yes, the grave is concrete in my life right now, but that doesn’t mean that I cannot bring into focus God’s will. I just need to adjust my lens.

Living Among the Dead

Psalm 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; 24And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

Today is my daughter’s heart check up. She has had them since birth, and in fact, before birth. We knew that she potentially could have had a heart defect and the ultra sounds looked for any problems with her developing heart. If they had found any, they could have done surgery while she was still forming in my body!

Depression, suicidal thoughts, can lay deep within our hearts and, because man looks at outer appearance, we often miss the pain and anguish within. But God, he knows our anxious thoughts. He searches within our minds, our souls, the core of who we are and is able to help us in ways that no one else can.

We all need regular heart checks, from the God who shaped our hearts and knows the things that we try to hide, or may not even be aware of. I was not aware of the rage I had stored up as a child. God brought it to the surface, exposed the monster within so that it could be removed and I could heal. Now, I open my heart before him, wanting nothing to hinder his will in my life. I know no better surgeon.

We have to be open to the Holy Spirit’s leading to become more deeply aware of who might be at risk for suicide. Think about this. Jesus knew that the disciples were going to betray him, and he knew that Judas would turn him over.  David in the Psalms asks, “Where can I hide from you?” Psalm 139  God knows our children, what is happening inside their hearts, their rooms, their wallets, their school, the church, with friends and at home. Wouldn’t it be great if he reveals the spiritual battle going on? But clearly, from scripture, we see that he does! Again and again to the prophets. Again and again to Jesus and the disciples. I promise you that he does it still today! He loves us, and he wants the best for us. Lets pour out our hearts to him, and prepare our hearts to minister to all who need hope.

Finding One Little Lost Sheep

Luke 15: 1,7 Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him.Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him.. . .Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

Natalie was missing for 45 minutes. A late afternoon trip to the zoo turned into a nightmare, as one instant she was beside me, and the next she was not. I wish I could claim that my faith held me together, but God was not the first thing I ran to. Fear was my companion for the search. I realized in an instant that I have come to expect loss—that is a story for me to figure out another day.

Daniel and I hunted for five minutes, but to no avail, so we flagged security who confidently assured me that they would find her. The young man who stayed with me had barely shaken the dust of his teens, he was way out of his depth with me. He had enough sense to realize that I needed to search rather than stand there and wait.

“Ouch, you’re holding my hand too tight,” Daniel complained. “Is that because your scared for Natalie?”

“Sorry kiddo,” I said, realizing that I needed to find a safe place for him while we searched. I dropped him off with the original staff member we had flagged and the teen-adult and I relayed Natalie’s description around the park. At first there was constant chatter as the net of people spread out to different locations.

Then the drought of silence.

My thoughts threatened to send me over the edge so I began jabbering to the teen-adult. We searched in all of Natalie’s favorite places until I could tell the teen-adult’s confidence waning, and he was running out of ways to keep me hopeful.

“When is it time to call the police.” I asked.

“It is getting close.” he answered honestly.

My husband arrived from work and called to join the search. The staff was starting to look through the parking lot.

Finally my cellphone vibrated again. “I’ve found her.”

She was happily playing, oblivious of our fear, oblivious that she had been missing for 45 minutes.

My husband told me later that staff walked right past her.

How is that possible?
Sometimes we don’t look lost. Natalie was happily playing and there were lots of parents on the plaza.
Jesus told the parable of the lost sheep because the Pharisees were complaining that he was hanging out with sinners. He should be more concerned about those who are staying with the flock. Right? I’ve got news for you Pharisees, not a single one of us is without sin and need of repentance. We don’t know we are in danger, we are going through life believing that we can do it all. We don’t need anyone’s help. It takes a shepherd who knows that we are prone to walk off cliffs or into a lions den. Jesus doesn’t just search, he celebrates when we are found!

There are over 7 billion people on this planet; what’s one little lamb when you have a whole herd of sheep? Who would climb cliffs, face lions, keep searching for just one of us? Only one God will do that!

Independent little Natalie didn’t know that she was lost yesterday. I’m grateful that we have a shepherd who will keep searching for us, even when we are wander away from his love and protection.

45 MINUTES OF MISSING YOU

Blue Men and Women

conducted a BOLD LETTER search

for the little sheep hiding amid the pride of lions

while the mother feared she had been devoured

Layers of loss struggled to hope

Squawks of Marco

Polo volleyed

Until the hunters exhausted of the game

Silence

ticked by until the question must be asked

Is it time?

Almost, the faint reply

The vibration of a kindred searcher woke

the mother from her fears

“I have her”

relief rushed to restore order

She was laughing amongst lions

Oblivious of danger

Nor fragile with fear

Depression, an Opportunity to Change the World

Read Nehemiah 2:1-3 And it came about in the month Nisan, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, that wine was before him, and I took up the wine and gave it to the king. Now I had not been sad in his presence. 2So the king said to me, “Why is your face sad though you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of heart.” Then I was very much afraid. 3I said to the king, “Let the king live forever. Why should my face not be sad when the city, the place of my fathers’ tombs, lies desolate and its gates have been consumed by fire?”…

Speaking up about depression brings about change! Remaining silent keeps us stuck with our own limited resources. But, what do we do when we are depression spills over at work? Is it worth the risk sharing our struggle with our boss, our coworkers?

Nehemiah’s job left no room for mistakes. He was the cupbearer for Artaxerxes, a powerful king who would not have tolerated down cast servants in his court, even if they were friends. But, today when he punched his time card for work, his mind wasn’t on serving the king, it was on the ruins of Jerusalem and the king can tell something is not right. Nehemiah has just finished fasting and praying for help in the 1st chapter. Could the king be the answer to his prayer? He is afraid because his depression is now exposed to his boss. God has given him favor with the king, but is it enough?

With depression comes possibility. Things are not okay! Maybe there are legit reasons why we mourn. There is so much suffering and oppression in the world, and our depression is the chasm between our reality and how the world should be. The quicker we acknowledge our desire for relief, the sooner resources come. Certainly Nehemiah’s is down cast for good reason. Israel is in ruins and in chapter 1 he declares that it is because Israel turned their back on God. He cries out to God. He doesn’t try to dismiss his anguish, or put on a happy pretend face which might have kept him safe. He risks speaking the truth. The king gives Nehemiah charge over rebuilding the city walls and gates and even sends letters for materials to be provided. Change occurred because of Nehemiah’s depression was out in the open!

The whole world suffers from depression. Those of us who recognize things are not as they should be have an opportunity to make the world a better place. Since Adam’s fall into sin, we went from walking with God, to hiding, from enjoying the good things given to us to despising, and from satisfaction in God alone to seeking position, possessions and power to determine our worth. There is not a single human being or animal that was not affected by the curse of sin and death. Since depression is the natural state and consequence of our disobedience, what hope do we have?

Nehemiah. . .

  • Acknowledged—took note of—his reality
  • He mourned and laid out his heartache before God
  • He fasted and prayed
  • Shared his burden with his friend, the King
  • He spoke up
  • The king provided
  • He trusted God and began to rebuild

What makes us sorrowful? Depression is a good only when we allow it to motivate us towards change. I am aware that some of you who follow my blog are in daily pain physically and emotionally. There seems to be no relief from what you are experiencing. My heart aches for you. Don’t lose heart, don’t give up! Take one step today to open yourself to God’s resources. Nehemiah’s burden didn’t just appear over night, the ruins of Jerusalem were years in the making (a product of their rejecting God, and being taken captive by Babylon). I promise you that God is faithful, and I appreciate your honesty! May the exposure of our depression bring resources to rebuild our lives and those around us.

My son’s death has opened my heart wider for others who are tempted to despair. God has placed me in the unique position of experiencing abuse, suffering depression,chronic physical pain, and bearing overwhelming loss. Like Nehemiah I cannot hide my sorrow. So do I speak boldly of the need for our hopelessness to change? Yes, I may get some push back, but it is so worth speaking about suicide. Depression is a heavy weight on my spirit and I refuse to share it alone. Resources are coming! Don’t stop crying out!

Learning that not Everything in the Universe is tied to my Son’s Suicide

The kids and I were itching to plant some flowers, so a quick stop at our local garden center yielded some beautiful flower booty. I don’t usually get blue flowers, but I was craving some blue. Maybe because it was Jonathan’s favorite color. Blue was slim pickings this early in the season, but I managed to find some and when I pulled out the tab, this is what I read:

Irony

REALLY! Is this some sick joke or simply a product namer (could have been me) who thought up a clever double meaning for these blue morning glories. If it weren’t for the way my son died, I might have actually have found this clever and funny. Instead, I stood there numb and reliving my son’s death.

When someone has had a severe physically injury, and the nerve endings begin to grow back they are super sensitive to touch. The brain and nerves have to work together to properly interpret what is really felt. If you have emotional trauma, or PTSD it is very similar, you may not interpret what’s happening correctly. My brain has a tendency to relive trauma and I have to take those thoughts captive and speak truth over them. Yes, my son used a gun, and it hurts like hell to know he felt so hopeless, but that has nothing to do with this moment of picking out flowers. This is about living! These are blue morning glories, and a symbol of God making all things new! God, thank you for the beauty of Spring and the delight of planning flowers with my children. This is truly a special moment I am choosing to turn the page!

Give Impossible Circumstances to the God of Possibilities

Turning My Page

Impossible Circumstances are no match for

Edgar Allen Poe dug up Annabel Lee . . . or so the ghost tour guide in Charleston, South Carolina wanted us to believe. Often times we take bits of truth, such as Poe wrote a lot about dying women and he is shrouded in mystery and blow them up into legends.

Behind Poe’s poetry on death was a real person, who himself may have been stuck in grieving and trying to figure out, is death the final blow. His father abandoned him, and his mother died when he was only 3. His siblings were split up and his foster family was tumultuous at best.

He did not have guidance into firm and secure adulthood and, I believe, became stuck in an impulsive and impetuous childhood as an adult. He tended to alienate others because he had a sharp tongue and used it often. Drinking and gambling became two of his fallbacks when life was not going his way. He could neither manage success nor enjoy it. Poe’s life seemed destined to fail. His final words were reported to be, “Lord, help my poor soul.” 

We have a real enemy who loves to attack our children. Jesus warns that the punishment is severe for those who harm our children (Matthew 18). Some of us have been born into abusive families, some of us endure hardship after hardship, and some of us have chosen our own destructive path. I am working on reading the Bible cover to cover this year and one thing is clear: GOD IS NOT LIMITED BY OUR CIRCUMSTANCES! From Adam to the end God turns the darkest of circumstances around. Rahab the prostitute is in the lineage of Jesus, Joseph the slave, saves his family who sold him into slavery, Roman occupation into the stage for a cross, a death, and a resurrection.

Poe, like many of us, could not see the possibilities beyond his circumstances. I tell you the truth, not even death can stop us! Jesus’ enemies thought that by cutting off the head the disciples would fall apart. They were almost right, the disciples could not see past their fears or the grave. But, when Jesus arose and continued ministering and preparing the disciples, this band of rag-a-muffins became a powerhouse of restoration to the sick, poor, lost, hungry and all those whose circumstances seemed impossible! So, don’t think for a second that what you are experiencing is beyond hope.

Suicide & Prevention Hotline

National Suicide Hotline

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/