Posts Tagged: love

Fireworks in my Grief

Posted July 5, 2016 | Karisa Moore

Today is my wedding anniversary. Losing Jonathan on the 1st could have overshadowed our anniversary if we had not been intentional about turning our pages from the beginning. Each year brings new delights for our anniversary because we took those first painful steps to celebrate our marriage. We both felt numb, but we made it to the baseball game we had planned to see for our anniversary. Last year we returned to West Virginia to visit family and friends. We celebrated our anniversary with homemade peach cobbler, the delivery and reading of the Declaration of Independence and exploring our friend’s farm and museums. This year we celebrated with friends and family around food and fireworks. Next weekend we head to D.C. for a rally on The Mall.

There will always be difficult days in grief, things are not as they should be, but there is still a lot of life to live. I choose to watch with awe, the spectacular fireworks of God’s love and maybe even squeal with delight as he surprises me in my grief.

 

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Dogged by Cynisim: Loving People More Deeply

Posted June 29, 2016 | Karisa Moore

John 15 The Message (MSG)

11-15 “I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father.

While cooling down after biking yesterday, I met a man walking his dog. When I asked to pet the dog, he explained that the dog was a police dog and he was unsure how he would react. He told me about the dog, clearly sharing his love for the animal. His current belief is that dogs are so much better than humans because they don’t lie to you, or let you down. A thinking, at one time, I would have agreed with.

Today I met him again and told him I had been thinking about what he had said. I made it clear that I understood being let down, but I’ve also discovered that people are worth the risk. He acknowledge that he had grown cynical. Again I relate, because I struggle with this temptation on a daily basis.

I catch cynicism in my impatience with Brian and the kids, judgmentalness creeps in when I see the world hurting each other like I’ve been hurt. I expect more pain rather than more goodness. The wall, I thought torn down in my 20’s, becomes surprisingly solid when I feel vulnerable. But, brick by brick, Christ bore the weight of every wall, our cynicism and our brokenness! He declared from the cross: YOU ARE WORTH REDEEMING! God showed me last night that dogs have to be trained and sent in to rescue people from burning buildings; people  choose to go into burning buildings to save.

God chose to save us cynics. Yes I have been let down by people, but if Christ chose twelve rough-around-the-edges men as his core group and came to call them friends, people are worth risk loving.

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A Double Rainbow of Presence

Posted June 21, 2016 | Karisa Moore

Revelation 4:2At once I was in the Spirit, and I saw a throne standing in heaven, with someone seated on it. 3The One seated there looked like jasper and carnelian, and a rainbow gleaming like an emerald encircled the throne.

Genesis 9:13 I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth.

“Sometimes we need a double rainbow!” Daniel exclaimed after having a rough afternoon of missing Jonathan. “God really loves me.” We pulled off the road to take pictures. When our lives are filled with storms it can be hard to remember they will not last forever. We long for God to reinforce his presence, promise and provision. One rainbow, simply is not enough.

Head knowledge does not suffice when you are in prison, abused, grieving, sick, struggling deeply to overcome sin. Please hear me! Like any child needs to hear the words “I love you”, even though they may not have the feeling to match, we consistently need reminders that God loves us. We are learning to correctly interpret God’s ways and because he doesn’t operate inside our box we can interpret our circumstances as punishment. Only when we accept His love as irrefutable fact, allowing Christ to make his passion for us a part of our being, do we stop being tossed around like ragdolls when the circumstances change.

In 10 days my son dies. Those are the circumstances of July 1st. My husband is very ill. My daughter and son have dietary issues. Those are the current circumstances of my day to day. I am learning that “even if  __________”, God loves me. Look for the never the lesses”  and “therefores” in scripture, because what follows is God!

Rainbows are a never the less symbol of his overwhelming love for us. A double leaves no doubt. Scripture is filled with men and women who needed a second sign to confirm that God held their circumstances and would bring good out their brokenness. Abraham, Sara, Moses, Gideon, Joshua, Naomi, Jonah, Esther, Mary, Peter, Thomas, Paul, the list is endless. In almost all cases these mighty heroes of scripture came to a place where they obeyed God no matter what! So look for your rainbows and discover how trustworthy God is!

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Love, the Remedy for Second Hand Depression

Posted June 2, 2016 | Karisa Moore

Job 30:15“Terrors are turned against me; They pursue my honor as the wind, And my prosperity has passed away like a cloud. 16“And now my soul is poured out within me; Days of affliction have seized me. 17“At night it pierces my bones within me, And my gnawing pains take no rest.…

What do we do when loved ones are giving up on life? Is there such a thing as secondhand depression? Yes, I believe that there is. Like Job’s wife, do we respond, “Curse God and die.”? I don’t think she said those things because she hated Job. I believe she had given into fear. Fear of the circumstances, fear of the onslaught, and fear of loss. She was like Ruth’s mother-in-law, telling her people to no longer call her Naomi, but to call her Marah (Bitter).  We are asking, what kind of God allows this kind of suffering?!

The last year with Jonathan was hard! His personality changed so completely that sometimes he said awful things to us. He refused medical care, and he fought mightily with a desire to give up. I was on my knees crying out to God so many times that I was often horse. At moments the fear of losing Jonathan was more tangible than God’s presence, and I struggled to love. Fear and love cannot occupy the same space; fear is a cancer, mimicking normal cells of concern so that we don’t fight its systematic takeover of our ability to love. But fight we must! I don’t mean strive and claw our way out of depression, I’m talking about LETTING GOD FIGHT FOR US. Only when I finally handed Jonathan’s wellbeing over to God could I finally love my son, come what may. Those last few months were the best they could be between the two of us.

Mother Theresa and the Sister’s of Charity ministered with love, to those often cursing back at them as they were dying. I have been studying her character for a while, and I am learning how much depression is based on control and conditions. I want to be in control and I am depressed when I am not. We want to be loved back! But oh the power to change the world, when we love from the vantage point of the cross. Are you in the midst of loving someone who may never love you back? Well God has been doing that since the creation of the world. For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son. That whosoever believes in him, shall not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16) That kind of love is the model for how we are to love those who are struggling with depression. Accepting His love which has no possible repayment is the cure for secondhand depression. Loving like Christ is productive suffering!

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A Moment to Cry Out

Posted March 17, 2016 | Karisa Moore

“His middle name should be Patrick.” Jonathan said as I shared with him he was going to have a baby brother.

I liked the sound of Patrick, it fit well with Daniel. “Why Patrick?” I asked.

“Because your Irish, and this is one lucky baby!” Jonathan declared.

 

I have been insulating myself lately with numbness, but sooner or later the feeling creeps back in. My soul is crying out in anguish today. I miss you desperately my son. The only thing for my brokenness is to climb into my Daddy’s lap and allow him to rock me with the lullaby of scripture.

Psalm 13:5But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. 6I will sing to the LORD, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 69:3 I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.. . 13But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness.

Psalm 119:41 …40 Behold, I long for Your precepts; Revive me through Your righteousness. Vav. 41May Your lovingkindnesses also come to me, O LORD, Your salvation according to Your word; 42So I will have an answer for him who reproaches me, For I trust in Your word.…

Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness. 4“Again I will build you and you will be rebuilt, O virgin of Israel! Again you will take up your tambourines, And go forth to the dances of the merrymakers.…

 

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Do I Need to Climb Into the Pit to Understand You?

Posted March 10, 2016 | Karisa Moore

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 21:15When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 16He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 17He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”

 

“I don’t think anyone can understand what I’m going through, unless they have been there.”

“If you want to understand someone you have to walk a mile in their shoes.”

“You have such a good testimony. My faith has never been tested like that.”

 

I have heard statements like this for a long time and I didn’t realize why they make me cringe, until today. I state again, Jesus ate with sinners, but he did not become a sinner to understand our pain. I do not buy the idea that somehow, those who have not been touched in someway by suicide cannot understand my pain and grief. If you are in the flesh, you can understand. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

The effectiveness of our empathy for the broken comes from how closely we are relating to the love of God, not how much we relate to each other. I think I have just rebuffed about every method of psychology we use to address what ails us in that statement. If we really want to counter suicide and depression then we need to love like Jesus. Only then will we feed his sheep, sacrifice for others, take persecution and forgive our enemies.

The closer I draw to the love of my heavenly Father the more I love and am broken hearted for your pain and struggles. And, since there was no separation between Jesus and the love of God he loves us completely! This was the first truth I had to accept when I began walking with Jesus. Scripture is a love note from beginning to end, even the hard parts. From the beginning of creation God has loved us.

When Jesus asks you if you love him, what is your answer?

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Getting a Leg Up

Posted January 21, 2016 | Karisa Moore

1 Corinthians 9:22 To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. 23I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

I fell again today, already nursing a sprained foot! As everyone came running to aid the pitiful woman sprawled out on the dentist room floor I laughed. In painful moments, sometimes, laughter is the only sane response. As pain roared through my knee and I struggled back to my feet I didn’t even fool with asking God why?

Instead I asked, what is the advantage of a sprained ankle? Well, for starters, it is forcing me to the doctor because beyond the sprain I was diagnosed with bone spurs and arthritis. There is a reason for my foot pain. I must once again humble myself to ask for help from others. My sprained ankle is putting me in places and opportunities to share the gospel that I would not normally be. Once again I praise God that he is completely able to sustain me! There may be further things revealed and I am open to the possibilities!

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Warm Yourself in My Eyes

Posted November 16, 2015 | Karisa Moore

May I sit awhile and warm my soul in your eyes? Eyes

crackling and popping with stories stirred by

my need for hope. Hope boasting

of losses gained and tragic victories;

Of dreams, love and faith.

Faith refusing to be dampened by despair, quiet

constant discipline battling the reality of death.

Death is in your eyes. Eyes raised from

grave circumstances. Circumstances

are snuffing out my flame! Flame now fanned

by the passionate compassion of your hope. Hope

fueling my soul with logs of endurance, sparking

life in my dimmed eyes. Eyes that others ask to sit awhile

and warm their cold souls with the fire of my hope.

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I Believe You Love Me

Posted November 5, 2015 | Karisa Moore

I attempt to stuff your love

into boundaries of understanding.

Horror and pleasure

of an all knowing, powerful God

relating to man.

You are no idol carved by

my own hands.

Surely

I repulse your holiness.

Hiding my nakedness behind the lushness

of creation, fearing your

righteousness.

You call,

“Walk with me!”

Infinity fitting into finite

Inviting belief–love

so vast choosing to fit

into a heart

grounded by the gravity

of sin.

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“You Are a Beautiful!”

Posted November 4, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Luke 7:37And there was a woman in the city who was a sinner; and when she learned that He was reclining at the table in the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster vial of perfume, 38and standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet and anointing them with the perfume.…

I was in tears this morning as the counselor spoke the words. “Can’t you see that you are beautiful.” Can you accept that your God in heave calls you a beautiful person? Are you like me, so trained to believe the negative, expect disaster, call yourself ugly, useless or a failure that when someone recognizes your beauty you unravel. As a young women I cut my wrist when a man said I was beautiful. That is how ingrained the pattern of rejection was in my thinking. It simply wasn’t possible that I was beautiful!

The women bathing Jesus with her tears and perfume is a sinner and everyone knows it! She came to Jesus with all that she had and poured it out in love and all of the witnesses around the table (including the disciples) were more concerned with who she was, then about how she loved Jesus. Surely Jesus sees her the same if he really is a “prophet”!

But he doesn’t, he sees her love for him and that is enough. He acknowledges her sin and forgive her. Only God can forgive sins!  In one fell swoop this “worthless” woman unseated, unnerved the Pharisees and revealed who Jesus was in bold vivid colors.

Do we unveil who Jesus is by our love? That’s it, it is not a set of rituals that make us clean. It is loving Jesus. Taking all that we have, what we deem good and bad to the foot of the cross. It is my love for Jesus that makes me share with you. I may struggle as this woman to embrace that love and acceptance because the world has trained me to see myself as worthless. “But God “. . . two of the best words in all the scriptures sent his own son for us, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

You and I are beautiful because his love makes us so.

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Suicide & Prevention Hotline

National Suicide Hotline

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/