I sing when the horn
of victory is too faint with grief to hear. May belief
be the miracle in my melody, and others hear the harmony of heaven.
Monthly Archives: September 2016
1 Peter 5:6-10 ESV Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
No, I’m not AWOL, I’m just trading my fake pearls in for the real ones.
God has been tearing down some false beliefs about what it means to surrender. When you hear that word do you hear loss, defeat, giving in? That’s what I heard when he first began bringing that word to the forefront. Do I believe God wants good things for me, and am I willing to give up everything to receive what he has for me? What does he have for me? Will I follow him through circumstances the world deems as bad?
These are the questions God is answering currently in my life. Starting Monday I’ll begin to share with you the journey of surrender Jesus is walking me through and how it relates to battling depression.
For now, take one of the above questions, or bring up your own questions about surrender and comment below. I’d love to hear your first thoughts on surrender.
Depression desperately looks for the exits
from the sweat of our nightmares.
You entered our fear driven world
and sweat blood of understanding
as you stayed, all in, the flesh of our circumstances.
Proving that you can resurrect us from the terror of our troubles.
There is a secret staircase I
spiral down, when the front
stairs feel too exposed. In
the darkness of fledgling hours
I retreat. Tracing your love notes
with heart, soul, and mind. Sipping
the earthy tea of you testaments. Conversing
together like old friends. Turning over to you all that
I am.
Allowing sunrise to color in the black and white outline
of your form. Loving because you first loved me.
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.—Alfred Lord Tennyson
If you love, it’s guaranteed that you will also have loss. All things, including relationships, pass away. So is loving worth the grief we suffer? God thought so. So much so, that he was willing to come in the form of a baby, be hunted, persecuted and died and was raised, all to demonstrate his love for us. It is that kind of suffering life that changed my destructive pattern and opened my eyes to the love of Christ and therefore his love for all mankind.
I had already begun this post when the following happened:
Daniel: Mom, can I ask you a question? . . . Oh, never mind.
Me: Daniel, please go ahead, it’s okay.
Daniel: Is all this bad stuff we are going through even worth it? I mean, what’s the point?
Me: Do you mean, what was the point of loving Jonathan if we were only going to lose him?
Daniel: Yah, and Sonya too (our dog is in the last stages of dying.)
Me: All I can tell you is my own experience. I spent the first part of my life trying to avoid pain and it never worked. I didn’t know how to give or receive love. But Jonathan changed everything for me. Suddenly my eyes were open to God’s love, and though there was still pain, I didn’t try to avoid it. Actually I grew stronger and loved deeper because of it. So yes, I definitely believe that loving Jonathan or Sonya was worth more than the heartache we are experiencing now.
Daniel: You wouldn’t be standing here talking to me right now if you hadn’t made that choice.
Me: Exactly. Think of it this way. You’ve asked me how is it possible to love you when you are unkind to me. It’s because God loved me that way.
My experience is enough to convince me that no matter how deep the sorrow, opening my heart all the wider is worth it.
Suffering doesn’t equal punishment, it equals perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so that we are complete, not lacking anything. Life is not happenstance; it is a beautiful woven design. I just kept looking at the backside with all the ugly knots. It is in keeping our distance from God that we are most deeply wounded, not in drawing close to Him!
IÂ loved Jonathan and losing him hurts worse than any torture you could put me through on this earth, but I agree with the poet whole heartedly. My life is better for loving God, and therefore opening my heart to my children, and mankind.
National Suicide Hotline
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/