Posts Tagged: anger

Spiritual Heart Check

Spiritual Heart Check: Testimony

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:19

Turning My Page

What would happen if God took the contents of your heart and spilled them out on a table like security at an airport checkpoint and conducted a spiritual heart check? What would it reveal about you as it ran through the x-ray machine?

My son packed his metal airplane in his suitcase. Security had a chuckle as they ran it through security and questioned him about what type of plane it was and where it was flying today. Lately, God has turned my heart inside out and is examining the contents. Once again, I am facing my emotional nemesis: anger, bitterness, envy, and self-loathing.

But this time feels different, not a sudden revelation of my emotional baggage like it was thirteen years ago, as I accused God of being unjust. No, this emptying out feels like healing and putting into practice a deeper trust.

Healing because God wants to remove the sin that keeps tripping me up from running the course he has marked for me. This season is about trusting God’s character, submitting to his plan, and not leaning on my own understanding. He wants me to surrender to my weakness. Does it hurt? Yes. Will I be perfect in my execution of God’s will and purpose? No.

Just as God deemed David a man after his own heart when no one else could see David’s heart–not even a prophet–God understands what my heart needs. I am nervous, but also a tad bit excited. God reveals his plan and purpose to use me in mighty ways, not despite my weaknesses, but because of them. He activated that purpose from my mother’s wound, not when I get my act together.

Turning Your Page: Kathy’s Spiritual Heart Check

I met Kathy Collard Miller at Rebound Your Highest and immediately felt a connection. Scripture, personal experience, a sense of humor, gentle spirit–all the elements of a woman after God’s own heart were there. What does that mean, to be “after God’s own heart”?

So if anyone cleanses himself of what is unfit, he will be a vessel for honor: sanctified, useful to the Master, and prepared for every good work. Flee from youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

2 Timothy 2:22

Any of us can pursue God, but it requires a turning away from those things that drag us down, hurt us, and separate us from God and for us to turn towards what pleases him.

Kathy thought she was alone in her out-of-control anger. She cried out for help and her life would never be the same. God taught Kathy how to turn away from sin and turn toward his love for her. Hear her testimony of transformation, and join us for a discussion at 7 pm on godly ways to deal with anger and any other emotion that feels out of control.

Lord, you are with me. Inspect my heart, find anything that hinders me from walking closely with you. Amen

Emptying the Ex-Box

Zechariah 7: 9“Thus has the LORD of hosts said, ‘Dispense true justice and practice kindness and compassion each to his brother; 10 and do not oppress the widow or the orphan, the stranger or the poor; and do not devise evil in your hearts against one another.’

Some of are still holding onto the Ex box. The Ex box is anything from our past, our old life that we do not let go of, or give over completely to God. It can be photos, notes, an object and ultimately it can be held tightly in our thoughts. I am pausing from sorting through Jonathan’s box of things to tell you I just threw away a bad memory I gripped tightly. Jonathan had many harsh realities to deal with, and he had some choice words he wrote down on paper about someone who was hurting him. Why keep such a note?

  • Because it feeds my own wounds
  • Because I’m angry
  • Because there has not been satisfactory justice
  • Because it vindicates me

These are the reasons I have held onto this sheet of paper. And even as I read it, I felt my heartache stirred. But, I declared out loud, “THIS DOES NOT HELP ME!” And, in a decisive move I balled it up and tossed the note in the trash.

  • Trust God’s justice
  • Acknowledge that God saw Jonathan’s pain
  • God alone is judge
  • Forgiveness frees me, and offers hope to the wrong doer

What do you have in your box? Is there one thing you can give to God that you desperately want solved, fixed, or don’t understand? Declare out loud the truth over the object and release it. Embrace the far better future God has for us and let go of the Ex.

My prayers are with you!

Too Much!

Psalm 34:…17The righteous cry, and the LORD hears And delivers them out of all their troubles. 18The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. 19Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all.…

Some days you wake up and your world is already crumbling. Daniel woke up crying in pain, and it went down from there until everyone was being unpleasant to one another. The explosions inside me were oozing out in sharp words and I’m not sure I want to keep them at bay any more.

Now I sit here in the silence, the train whistling in the distance and I feel as if I am stuck on the tracks. Lord, they do not owe me a thing! Help me to glorify you. I don’t have to keep up appearances, I don’t have to hold it all together. Life on this earth sucks sometimes and I’ve had enough. I want my son to be well, or at the very least, to know what is wrong. Please father, give me the strength to keep pressing forward and not to be mean to my family because I can’t fix what is wrong. Open my heart and mind to your will, not mine! Only in the garden of trusting you completely can I be fully present and pleasant to my family. Amen.

I’m Guilty of Passing Judgement

Colossians 2: 13When you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions, 14having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.…

James 3:9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.

James 4:12There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

“Who are you to determine who I decide to invite to my table?”

It is always strange to think, the prodigal son just as easily can become the older judgmental brother. But, that is exactly what I became as I struggled with my ex wanting a larger role in Jonathan’s life than he had previously attempted to have in 7 years. He wasn’t asking, he was demanding it. And the quote above are the exact words God spoke to me while I paced in the back of the church during a sermon on the Prodigal Son Parable.

“But, he is not even repentant!” Was my argument with God. There are so many people in this fallen world that it may be easy for us to pass judgment upon. Forgetting how much God has forgiven us. My response may be like yours to the horrid actions of Josh Duggar, Bill Cosby, and Jared Fogle. They are not even repentant Lord! When I hear the harm has been done to children, and for the record, I have been that child, well I–I want to cast the largest stone. That God died on a cross for these men, and for those who hurt me, is hard to comprehend. But he did!

In taking a look at almost all of the scriptural situations where Jesus gave forgiveness for sins, it wasn’t after repentance, it was before.

The adulteress woman–caught in the midst of her affair and no indication that she asked for forgiveness

The paralyzed man brought to Jesus to be healed–not looking to be forgiven, he was looking to be healed

The disciples–all would fall away as Jesus was being arrested, yet he chose them!

I think that our world has a very messed up, hypocritical and condemning perspective on sin, particularly sexual sins when it does harm to others, especially children. But, we hold those very same sins up as freedom of expression and dare I say rights when we think that it affects no one but ourselves. It is my body is our mantra! My thinking changed drastically when a second heartbeat began beating under mine. I knew that my drinking could do harm to him, so I stopped. Instantly I became aware that my actions were transferred to a baby who had done nothing to deserve the consequences of my sin. What was happening inside me was a microcosm of Christ’s actions for the entire world. But here is the kicker, Jesus pursued me before I hit rock bottom and finally cried out to him, not after.

While you and I didn’t even realize we needed him, Christ died for us. It isn’t based on our deserving it, it isn’t even based upon any of us ever getting grace figured out. He who knew no sin, became a sin offering because Josh Fogle, Bill Cosby , Josh Duggar, Karisa Moore, _____________, are loved by their creator.

What these men have done is clearly wrong, and they will be judged rightly by God. We too can clearly call sin, sin in order to restore those around us to a right relationship with God, but what we cannot do is cast the first stone. Only the one who knew no sin can condemn rightly. So where does that leave us?

  1. Remove our own logs (sin) (Matthew 7)
  2. Pray that God’s will is done on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10)
  3. Forgive as the Lord has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13)
  4. Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger (James1)

The bottom line is this: “Our lips must be governed by the law of kindness, as well as truth and justice.”–Matthew Henry

Too much

I’m angry today. Angry that you aren’t here laughing with me.

Lord, I cry out to you! Fill my heart with your love. I need you, the heartache is too much!

Lashing out in Anger

Things are a bit raw between my husband and I right now. When struggling with grief it can get easier to slip back into old habits or lash out at those you love. So how in the world do we keep perspective in our hurt and anger, and remember that the other person is in grief and process too? Here are some verses that may help:

Proverbs 16:32
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that rules his spirit than he that takes a city.

Ephesians 4:25-31 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27and give no opportunity to the devil. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Ephesians 4:1-3 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

If we have unity of the Spirit then when we hurt others in that unit we also are hurting ourselves. In the military a unit fights as one. If there is strife, and anger towards one another then your guard is down to the real enemy.

Brian and I learned early in our marriage that as long as we looked at each other as the enemy that we would get no where. But, as we began allowing Christ to be the center of our lives and marriage we began to become a unit, placing the problems outside of each other and crushing the devil’s schemes together.

Thank you Lord for giving me these verses to calm my wounded soul and give me a renewed focus on who I am fighting. The devil wants to crush both Brian and I. Give me the strength to guard his heart and mind as he heals from the wounds of losing Jonathan. Keep my tongue from coming into agreement with the devil. Amen

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