Turn the Page:
Do you ever feel like you are two people? One holds it together and keeps moving forward, and the other is caught in a vortex of pain, suffering, emotion and loss. Both are very real parts of ourselves.
I realized last night that the gap between the two was widening and took a step towards reconciling the two parts of my spirit. When I suffered from depression as a teen, I resented that tenacious part of me that refused to throw in the towel, no matter what I w…ent through. Now, I am grateful that I have allowed God to cultivate that part of me.
But sometimes I move forward and ignore the very real and deep pain that Jonathan’s death has caused. I realize that I am losing sight of grace. Grace recognizes that we are but dust and provides a way when I cannot find it!
The two parts of me must eventually work in harmony and right now they are very much working against each other. I think that David struggled with this very same feeling.
Psalm 43:4 Then I will go to the altar of God, To God my exceeding joy; And upon the lyre I shall praise You, O God, my God. 5Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.
Even as David is struggling he offers the key to the crucial transition in his spirit, verse 3 Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling!
While the tenacious part of me keeps leaning into the knowledge of God’s love, I do not yet feel it. I must allow my mind, body, and spirit to be encouraged by my hope in God. Lord I thank you that you send your light and your truth ahead of me. Illuminate in me the grace, and strength of your love. Amen