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1st Birthday of Hoping Without You

How many kids do you have? . . . That question has not gotten any easier to handle. I have three children, not two and I will never get used to saying that I have two children. Today I was asked a couple of times and Natalie, very matter-of-factly elaborated on how Jonathan died. The poor ladies didn’t know how to respond.

These days leading up to Jonathan’s birthday are harder than I expected. My emotions are a bit runny right now, and I’m not much fun to be around. So . . .how do I get a grip?


2. Crawl into my Heavenly Daddy’s lap and cry, scream, kick, whatever I need to do!

3. Let Him hold me.

4. Love and hold Brian,Daniel and Natalie a little tighter.

5. Drink Jarritos every day (Jonathan’s favorite).

6. Draw, write, walk.

7. Plant.

8. Go to survivor’s group.

9. Speak scripture over the pain until the heartache subsides.

10. Blow out the candle on my first year of celebrating your birth . . . without you.

Published indepressionmental healthsuicidesurvivor


  1. Blessings to you and your family. I’m sure your blog is making a difference. lily 🙂

    • The blog helps immensely and thank you so much for your support. I hope the blog encourages you as well.

  2. You can put American Foundation for Suicide Prevention on that list. Walked with a great bunch on the national in Dallas.

    • Brent, thanks. I got to walk last October and was so glad that I did. Planning on walking again this year. If you have never walked an Out of The Darkness Event I encourage you to form a team. There was a group of teens, at ours who were giving out free hugs. That meant so much to me.

      • I am on a team and we walked. The team is Miles for the Military. But I am going to do more than just walk.

  3. aweason aweason

    I love this picture, Karisa!

  4. I said 1 for awhile – cuz it was so recent, and while I was numb and able to share the explanation okay- the 2 answer seemed to morph into a conversation that ended up just making whoever asked feel bad –
    Then I said two and only elaborated when someone asked where the oldest one is now or how old he is – then I felt bad, cuz now they feel bad….
    Then I told everyone I have 32200 children, but few of them I gave birth to , then explain that I love animals, plants, teen-agers and even married two of the most childish men in the universe –

    Nowadays – I just pick whatever story feels right for the moment – I go with the flow – – and try to keep myself entertained and others from feeling bad they asked – 🙂
    Firsts are hard, cousin – Hang in there and I love you bunches!

    • I like the 32200 answer, I might try that one. 😉 Jonathan always said that he wanted lots of siblings.

      • Well you know my motto. whatever works for now… subject to change at a moment’s notice. lol

  5. Reblogged this on Me Too Moments For Moms and commented:
    In honor of an amazing Mom who loves the Lord with all her heart – I share this story tonight in memory of her son as well. Its a tough weekend for this Mom. Send your love and pray for my friend. And again thank you for letting us be with you during this hard time in your life.

So glad you are here. Feel free to share in the comments.

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