Yesterday was intensely hard from the moment my eyes blinked open, and today is not. That is the strange thing about grief, it doesn’t always have a rhyme or reason in its approach, it just is. Days like yesterday are happening less and less, but they sap the life out of me. It is the feeling that I cannot go on in this reality. Have you carried the weight of those days?
They are very dangerous times for those of us who battle depression. Impulsiveness can lead to self medicating the pain in some form or fashion. While my impulsiveness has matured through disciplined practice, it has not lost its voice. So what to do in such moments?
1. Let others help. Don’t battle alone. Took the kids to a play date with a friend.
2. Seek out laughter. It is good medicine. One word… trampoline!
3. Cry. It is okay to mourn. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)
4. Keep away from sharp objects. This is crucial when impulsiveness tries to back door its way into depression. Slam that door shut by removing the option for hasty decisions.
5. Pray. The Lord will never leave you, nor forsake you. That has given me more strength to make it through the hardest days; days my own will power cannot sustain.
6. Be thankful. Thank you for your prayers, for reaching out into my darkest hours. Lord, thank you, when I cry out, you hear my plea and give me your strength in my weakness.
(As an after note. My mom just called to see how I was doing. She reminded me that yesterday was the day I put my son in the ground. I never consciously acknowledged the significance. Maybe there is a rhyme and reason for the intensity of my grief yesterday.)