I want answers. God wants trust.
I feel like a kid asking, “Please explain your plan to me.”
“That is not what you really want.” God gently corrects. “You want Jonathan’s death to mean something, for beauty to spring from the ashes of your heartache and you do not trust that I will give you 100 fold what I have taken from you. Have I not laid out my promises to you through scripture, and in our personal relationship?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I just want my remaining kids to be okay–to help others struggling with depression.”
“Do I not want the same?”
“Yes, but you don’t do things the way I would.”
“Why this path, why Jonathan, why this amount of pain? I want answers Lord!”
“No, you want your answers Karisa. Not mine.”
Silence. Can I live with this God whose ways are not my ways?
Isaiah 55:8-9 8“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. 9“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.
Numbers 23:19 God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?