Testimony Tuesday: I Am Lost
That word evokes so many things. Fear, flashbacks, loneliness, and panic. For me it means I’m not meeting someone’s expectation and I tend to get agitated and more lost.Â I was in a new and unfamiliar area today and I might have well been on Mars. IÂ have a debilitating fear of askingÂ for help in these situations.Â But, IÂ pulled into Kroger’s parking lot and called the imaging center. She gave me directions from there, including landmarks (all of which I found by the way), but I was at a different Kroger. I wasn’t even close to the location. Even more lost.
Directions often get jumbled in my brain and the GPSÂ didn’t help, it sent me to their previous location. So you have one lost, flustered woman, trying to get to an unknown destination. To add insult to injury, I really needed to go to the bathroom! I stopped at two locations, butÂ neither hadÂ a public bathroom. One gave me directions to the imaging place, though. So I tried again.
Nope, wrong imaging place. Then came the aha moment.
“God, I surrender to you that I am lost.”
We have been working onÂ taking my thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ since the day I said I was ALL IN, three weeks ago. I had multiple problems to address. Which one was the most pressing and easiest to relieve? Yes the pun is not lost on me. I was late, that was certain. A few more minutes wasn’t going to change that fact. I walked into the wrong imaging center and used their bathroom. Now, to the desk to explain my situation and get proper directions from people who live in the area. She wrote out directions and gave me distinct landmarks. (Mental note, return to this imaging center if I give up on the other). I returned my car with a fresh new perspective.
I called the office and asked if there was any point in trying to make it to them, or should I return home. They could still fit me in. No longer flustered, I found my way.
CanÂ I surrender to being lost? In other words, can I surrender to being vulnerable and human in the sight of God and others? Part of what God is teaching me about surrender is that there are no “have to s”. I am already loved, already chosen, and already found! This kind of lost was a temporaryÂ circumstance. I already haveÂ experienced being so lostÂ that I thought cutting, alcohol, sex, anorexia, and finally suicide, wouldÂ somehowÂ help me to find my way out.Â The biblical directions, might as well been for Martians. I neither understood this God who was seeking me, nor that I was that one sheep that he left his whole flock for.
I am no longer, permanently lost. Now, I am safe, secure, and most certainly not alone in a foreign land, because God is with me. I have directions for living in this life and the promise of the new life to come.Â I can have joy in this moment of being temporarily lost because he knows my struggle and makes my path straight.
You are already loved, even if you feel lost right now, he has chosen you, and may my testimony be a landmark in your journey. You can cry out to be found, even from the darkest pit.