Inside a Suicide Mom’s Locket

Suicide took future pictures of you

So I open the locket of my soul wide.

And share who you were

Not who you will be.

 

I trace chubby cheeks, as the rhythm

of the rocker sings you to sleep. Breathe

deeply your baby scent.

I squeal with delight at first steps and words.

Bandage scrapes, wipe tears, and kiss bruises.

I listen to life beating hard with

challenges no child should bear,

and ache for God to heal you inside and out.

 

God, I try to understand why you allowed this unfinished

work of art to be painted into my life.

 

Today, I have no calls from your college dorm, no

laughter as you burst through the door for Christmas.

No bride on your arm, for me to share funny stories with,

and no grandchildren for me one day to cherish . . .

 

These are the things I can’t quite release. I long

for them. I had hoped for them. So I open my heart

wider still, until joy paints a new picture into  the

empty memories of where you should be.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: