Grief Clock

Matthew 4:Matthew 4:11
Then the devil left Him, and angels came and ministered to Him.
Luke 22…42“Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done.” 43Then an angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him. 44And in His anguish, He prayed more earnestly, and His sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground.…

I am finding, even when I’m not consciously aware of the dates, my soul is. The past two days my heartache has swelled and I didn’t register, just like last year, that the 7th seems to be my absolute hardest day of the year. You would think that the 1st would be it, but it is the day I buried Jonathan. Maybe it is because it the very last physical act or contact I have with his body on this earth. In any case I have dragged myself through the past two days.

I know the depth of this heart ache will end soon. There are simply days when we hurt to our core, whether in depression or grief. Days when the intensity of what we feel is almost more than our physical bodies can handle. Jesus came to a place where the burden he bore was so great that angels ministered to him, just so he wouldn’t die early. It is telling that the two times Jesus was ministered to are two times the enemy came to sift him; Satan attached when Jesus was at his weakest.

So Lord, as I cry out to you today. “This is more than I can bear!” I look for your comfort and provision to minister to me. May your will in my life be a testimony to the strength you offer to all of your adopted children.

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Psalm 139: God’s Complete Physical

Lord, you have given me a complete physical and you know the state of my mind, body, and soul.

My daily planner lays open before you.

My thoughts are front page news as you sip your morning coffee.

When I leave for work, or shut the computer down for the night, you observe.

The bottom line, you have made my life your business.

My words are filtered through your righteousness.

and you determine their worth.

 

You have a 360 degree view–there is not a side of me hidden from you.

I don’t get a personal bubble.

I don’t understand why you are so intimately involved and I’m not sure

I want to.

 

There is no escaping your activity in my life. Your Spirit is everywhere!

Of course you are in charge of the heavens,

and I can’t find a bunker deep enough to hide from you.

I can sit in first class on American and you are there.

You are the navigator of my ship directing my course, like a

father with his child, through a sea of people I could easily be lost in.

 

Let’s face it, I can’t play pick-a-boo with You.

You are a giant flashlight illuminating my soul.

 

In fact, You sewed my soul together, in my

mother’s womb.

You hold the first 4-D image

of who I am.

And you give your stamp of approval,

who am I to argue with that!

 

When I was nothing more than a lump of clay, you

knew what I would become.

You have the first edition of my life

before a word was ever written.

 

I am eager to know your thoughts.

I do not have a databank

large enough to contain them.

That you choose to share your plans

with me when I awake, amazing!

 

So why do my enemies come between us!

Please remove them, I can’t stop thinking about

their threats and schemes.

Haven’t I obeyed you, and they have not.

Ultimately I know their fight is with you.

When they stand against me, they stand

against you.

 

We are back to the beginning. Since You know me so well, you know

that I fear how strong my enemy seems. If there is anything that offends you remove

it so that you stay my companion forever.

 

 

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