Lord, you have given me a complete physical and you know the state of my mind, body, and soul.
My daily planner lays open before you.
My thoughts are front page news as you sip your morning coffee.
When I leave for work, or shut the computerÂ down for the night, you observe.
The bottom line, you have made my life your business.
My words are filtered through your righteousness.
and you determine their worth.
You have a 360 degree view–there is not a side of me hidden from you.
I don’t get a personal bubble.
I don’t understand why you are so intimately involved and I’m not sure
I want to.
There is no escaping your activity in my life. Your Spirit is everywhere!
Of course you are in charge of the heavens,
and I can’t find a bunker deep enough to hide from you.
I can sit in first class on American and you are there.
You are the navigator of my ship directing my course, like a
father withÂ his child,Â through a seaÂ ofÂ people IÂ could easily be lost in.
Let’s face it, I can’t play pick-a-boo with You.
You are a giant flashlight illuminating my soul.
In fact, YouÂ sewedÂ my soul together, in my
You hold the first 4-D image
of who I am.
And you give your stamp of approval,
who am I to argue with that!
When I was nothing more than a lump of clay, you
knew what I would become.
You have the first edition of my life
before a word was ever written.
I am eager to know your thoughts.
I do not have a databank
large enough to contain them.
That you choose to share your plans
with me when I awake, amazing!
So why do my enemies come between us!
Please remove them, I can’t stop thinking about
their threats and schemes.
Haven’t I obeyed you, and they have not.
Ultimately I know their fight is with you.
When they stand against me, they stand
We are back to the beginning. Since You know me so well, you know
that I fear how strong my enemy seems. If there is anything that offends you remove
it so that you stay my companion forever.
1 Kings 19:â€¦11So He said, “Go forth and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD was passing by! And a great and strong wind was rending the mountains and breaking in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12After the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of a gentle blowing.
Sometimes we need normal, in an abnormal life.
By normal I mean that some of the best moments in life come in plain packages. Ours came in the shape of a random park on the edge of a lake in the middle of Houston. My husband wisely realized that the kids needed time to run and play after touring and being in and out of the car for a couple of days. Like Elijah, weÂ were exhausted fromÂ the constant barrage of sickness and difficulty we are experiencing. We needed aÂ respite.
Chasing each other, climbing, and exploring was just what we all needed to lay bare our wounds before God and allow him to feed our souls. What we didn’t expect wasÂ the hour of delight my kids took in watching the numerous fish jumping in theÂ lake. They squealed with laughterÂ when a fish jumped close to the dock and splashed them. Brian and I sat onÂ a dock bench,Â enjoying our kids and sharing the quiet moment to worship together.Â It was easier to hear God.
“I am here andÂ just as I provide for these fish, IÂ am and always will be your sustainer.”
“Operation Texas” is preparing us for the new aspects of our journey! Just like Elijah, we came back better, refreshed inÂ spirit, and aware that we are not alone.
“His middle name should be Patrick.” Jonathan said as I shared with him he was going to have a baby brother.
I liked the sound of Patrick, it fit well with Daniel. “Why Patrick?” I asked.
“Because your Irish, and this is one lucky baby!” Jonathan declared.
I have been insulating myself lately with numbness, but sooner or later the feeling creeps back in. My soul is crying out in anguish today. I miss you desperately my son. The only thing for my brokenness is to climb into my Daddy’s lap and allow him to rock me with the lullaby of scripture.
PsalmÂ 69:3 I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.. . 13But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness.
Psalm 119:41 â€¦40Â Behold, I long for Your precepts; Revive me through Your righteousness. Vav. 41May Your lovingkindnesses also come to me, O LORD, Your salvation according to Your word; 42So I will have an answer for him who reproaches me, For I trust in Your word.â€¦
Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness. 4“Again I will build you and you will be rebuilt, O virgin of Israel! Again you will take up your tambourines, And go forth to the dances of the merrymakers.â€¦
Romans 8:Â 9You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.10But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesusd from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you. (ESV)
Mind distracted by obligation,
hands and heart
splintered bitter in our scrambling to sustain
who chooses to dwell with us.
â€œRelate to me.
Receive my love Martha.
Sit with me and
Unwrap my presence.
I am your satisfaction, your great reward.
Need nothing more.”
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.
Lord, help me to see you as more substantive then my sorrow, my depression. I see the evidence things not seen. I know you are here with me, but it is not enough to fuel my hope.
Father I know that you are good. Like Job I will be able to say that you giveth and take away, but still I will choose to say, blessed is the name of the Lord! But, also like Job I want curse the day I was born.
Master, I was not there when you lay the foundations of the earth! I cannot pretend to know the deep and mighty works of your hand. I cannot count the stars. I do not know how the caterpillarÂ transforms to a butterfly.
I do not understandÂ why you have taken so much from me. I do not pretend to know your purpose in so much grief. I cannot brace myself like a manÂ and face you down like I am on level with you.
Father, I knowÂ that you hear my desperate cry! My body is so weary of this life.Â Daddy, please reveal to me your plan of salvation. Strengthen these bones that you have broken that I might be a witness of your glory! May the world see that youÂ truly blessÂ the believer 10 fold whatever youÂ require from us.
Yes, you break us down, but you build us up on a new foundation–it will not shift like sand! The strength of our new structure of faith is stronger andÂ more beautiful then anything we can build with our own hands. FatherÂ I want to be a mighty oak of righteousness, on display for your splendor. May your mighty works be fully met in me, that the world may know that you are a good, mighty, and aÂ just God! Amen.
Who is this GodÂ cutting covenant with me?
Walking the gauntlet of redemption
while I deeply slumber with doubt?
Who is this voice that plucks
me fromÂ polytheism. PatientlyÂ revealing
that he alone is my God?
I am theÂ last picked.
Ripe with barrenness
No further God
But my Lord isÂ not impotent.
always has the
last impossibleÂ pregnant laugh.
Job 42:1Then Job replied to the Lord:
2â€œI know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
3You asked, â€˜Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?â€™
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.
After a week of insomnia it is a miracle that I have managed to accomplish quite a bit today. I look more like a zombie. . . maybe I should try to walk onto the set of The Walking Dead (I think I’d blend into the extras just fine).Â I have been reduced to crying out to God, day after day. Give me rest! May you sustain me!Â May you be enough for me!Â Provide just enough for me today!
Have you been reduced to nothing in your flesh? You have come to the end of what you physically can push through.Â LikeÂ Job we want to sit on the ash heap of everything that meant something to us, and curse the day we are born.Â Just as God showed himself to Job, he gave gentle direction today. As I worked on the breakfast dishes the Lord flashed images ofÂ things to praise him for, and as I did, I found the energy to accomplish what is in front of me. Now I must praise him in my sleep.