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Grieving with hope

Lessons in Perseverance

He remembers his covenant forever, the word that he commanded, for a thousand generations

(Psalm 105:8 ESV).

Turning My Page

My grandmother giggled like a teenage girl. Her whole being exuded joy at both hanging the sheets out to dry and investing in the lives of those around her. One summer, I spent several weeks with her and heard stories never shared with me before. Behind that giggle was a whole lot of suffering. It was impressed upon me that she had resilience. At the time, I was an Eyore, focused on the gloomy clouds constantly hovering over my life, and had little to no ability to bounce back. Still, I soaked up her stories and wondered how she could have such a great attitude, praise God for her blessings, and serve others wherever God placed her.

So much of Grandma’s life was deeply hard. Her father died when she was three, and when her mother remarried, her stepfather wasn’t keen on the extra baggage of a daughter. She passed from relative to relative until her siblings started arriving, and then she was brought back home to help raise her brother and sisters. She did not hold a grudge. When she was older, she endured the devastating loss of two sisters, who died because they got caught in a whirlpool and drowned. Grandma lived through the great depression, wars, and a husband who was a harsh and unforgiving man.

He had softened as a grandfather, and I only caught glimpses of his stubbornness, but I could tell she loved him with every fiber of her being. She lost a grandson who lived with her for a while when his parents discarded him to suicide. I didn’t understand then, but I do now how profoundly the loss of my cousin broke her heart.

Yet, despite all of these experiences, she laughed and celebrated life to the fullest. She shared her faith with me at a little white church in the country. She played cards with me and taught me how to make buttermilk toast when she was sick. I loved her tea, her stories, and everything about this five-foot-nothing, once curly-haired redhead. What I didn’t understand then, I know now as a believer in Christ.

I can now laugh, celebrate, and live life to the fullest, whatever circumstances may come because I recognize that Joy and Sorrow are beautiful companions. Death does not end my story. It is only a part of the story.

Turning Your Page

Start observing joy coupled with sorrow where you are. Who around you is an example of someone who lives life to the fullest amid hardship? What characteristics do you observe about them? Ask them to share the reason for their hope. Ask them what scriptures are foundational to how they live with sorrow and joy at the same time.

Learning to walk with sorrow and joy simultaneously is not easy. Often, our selfish and worldly desires get in the way. A simpler life, with no troubles at all, would be nice, but remembering that God sees you and has kept his covenant to all who believe in Him, what we experience in this life is but a blink. Living life to the fullest is possible because Jesus bridges the gap of our sinful nature and teaches us to take up our cross daily. Here are some other passages to help you practice joy in sorrow.

 

“Trouble and anguish have found me out, but your commandments are my delight” (Psalm 119:143 ESV).

“‘Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour'” (John 12:27 ESV).

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV).

“‘Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid'” (John 14:27 ESV).

 

Lord, thank you for the many examples throughout scripture and in my life who exemplify your attitude of joy amid great hardship. May I take comfort and share that comfort with others because you waste nothing.

A Banquet Table Set by God

Invited to God’s Banquet Table

He said also to the man who had invited him, “When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just” (Luke 14:12-14, ESV).

Turning My Page:

Hospitality is often a gift attributed to girls; my daughter has it in spades. She has pulled out her fall decorations and filled our home with the sights and smells of fall. She has added pillows and pumpkins throughout the house, and our table is set and ready to receive any fall guests. She loves having friends over and preparing teas and games for them. Hospitality is a part of her character.

But women are not the only ones gifted by God with hospitality. Reading my friend’s new devotional, A Place at His Table, reminds me of how Daniel, my now sixteen-year-old son, invites people to God’s table. He has had several friends ask him lately about his faith because he spends time with them and is open about his loss of his brother and his struggles with a God who allows suffering.

When my son was an infant, he was a people person. He never wanted to snuggle against my shoulder; he must face outward because that is where the people are.

For two introverted parents, this took some getting used to. He was always getting in strangers’ personal space and didn’t know what to do with himself when there were other kids to play with.

At four years old, it became apparent that I would crush his God-given spirit if I didn’t learn to appreciate his people-loving personality and stop trying to keep him from pestering others. Balance? Yes. Understand the give and take of relationship? Absolutely. He needed guidance to utilize his gift of hospitality, but I recognized that my reaction had much more to do with my fear of what others thought of me as a parent. So I prayed. I prayed that God would open my eyes to the beauty of Daniel’s love for others and ways to shape and strengthen his understanding of the needs of others.

God opened my eyes in a big way to the profound gift He had given to Daniel. I was facilitating a Beth Moore study called The Inheritance, all about the thread of God’s love and good gifts for his people from Genesis to Revelation. Each week, I came early to set up our room in purple and pink tablecloths and placed tiaras and jewelry on each table.

My son had to come with me one day to set up, and as we walked across the parking lot, he spotted a mother on the playground with her child. He called out to her, and I braced myself for what would come out of his mouth. He began waving his arms. “Hey! Hey! She’s having a party, come on in.”

In an instant, my whole attitude changed. No one would miss an opportunity for an invite to God’s table when Daniel was around. I caught a glimpse of the joy of the Heavenly Father, who invites us, even when we are still strangers to His will, into his heavenly banquet.

I’ve never looked at my son’s gifts the same. I find delight in the fact that he notices people and points to God’s love for others. I love the tenderness he develops in sharing his faith with others and meeting his friends where they are in their struggles. He’s grown a bit more shy as a teenager, but he loves hanging with others, and it is such a pleasure to guide and shape his love for people. He makes me want to be bolder and joyous in my invites to God’s grand party.

 

Turning Your Page

Hospitality is not just a characteristic that a few select people have. All who believe in Jesus Christ and take up our cross are called to open our hearts and homes to others. Even if it doesn’t come naturally, how much more does it say to those who feel rejected when we love them and invite them to the same banquets we ourselves are invited to?

It is essential to note from the Luke 14 context that Jesus was invited to a banquet, and people were fighting over the place of honor. Jesus pointed out that we should take the furthest seat (humble ourselves) to give preference to others and allow God to elevate us to the position he has for us.

God wants all of us to come to His banquet. Some will reject the invitation, and some will accept. How can you invite someone to feast with you at God’s table?

 

Lord of the banquet, it is your will that all have a seat at your table. Help me, as one who once felt I was not worthy to feast at your table, recognize your prompting, and cultivate hospitality in my home, faith, and hope in You. Amen

A Counselor Familiar with Dust

You didn’t impatiently check your watch like
you had someplace more important to be.
A God who listens.
You didn’t stare down my vulnerability
in disgust as I poured out my broken heart.
You grabbed a tissue and sobbed with me.
A God who cries.

Your counsel didn’t come down from a distant marble throne.
You stepped into the crowd, looking for me.
A God who draws near.
ME—A single lost sheep.
You took my hand
into your callused carpenter’s hand
and walked the journey of hope with me.
A God who touches humanity.

Turning the Page Newsletter: What Resources Do You Need to Fight Despair?

Dear Fellow Page Turner,

I grew up writing letters to my grandmother who lived hundreds of miles away. I treasure every single one of her shaky-handed letters. They gave me a glimpse into her humor, faith, her resilience, and resolve. I’ve been thinking a lot about letter writing lately and how much I have valued the personal notes of encouragement after the loss of my son Jonathan.

Much of the gospel is in letter form.

“And we also thank God constantly for this, that when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men but as what it really is, the word of God, which is at work in you believers.

1 Thessalonians 2:13 ESV

Each handwritten letter was meant to address specific things happening in the church, encourage the body of believers, hold them accountable, and be a witness to those who didn’t yet believe in Christ.  I want to encourage you in the same way.

This once-a-month newsletter includes hope-filled encouragement because God has you in mind. What he teaches me I pass on to you through my testimony, opportunities for training, and review of hope-filled resources.

Since day one of turning the page on my son’s suicide, one of the most valued resources to my community has been hearing from each member of my family. We each grieve so differently and yet also have shared grief. When you sign up to Turn the Page with me, my immediate gift to you is an interview with each of my family members on how they grieve with hope.

I hope beyond the initial gift, you find consistent encouragement in our correspondence. I love getting letters in return. You are not alone, no matter how hard today’s page is to turn.

Your’s in Christ,

https://bit.ly/Karisatpsletter

Resurrection Battle at the Demoniac’s Tomb

The demoniac:

Forgotten.
Dressed in rags and chains, I was not
ready to entertain kings. 

You crossed the unclean threshold of my grave,
your royal robes billowing in the sea’s warm breeze.
My heart strained to near you.
Dare I hope.

Demons:

Hopeless.
A crown, only seen by our eyes, testifies to us who you are.
Naked, we claw with rocks at vulnerable flesh, mutilating your earthly jewel.
We’ll make you unrecognizable too. Soon. Flesh out, God.

Forsaken

Forsaken

Demoniac:

I scream for
release from day and night horror. While they cried out to
remain fast.
I was a scarred lamb within, and
a roaring lion without.

Demons:

Mighty Samson would not tame we beating beasts.

Demoniac:

You, Son of God, entered my tomb and knocked
the breath out of me.
What man chained you commanded freed.
Clothed in righteousness, I now cling to you.

You are God in flesh!

You are God in flesh!

A demoniac commissioned to share the truth of your
love for mankind.

(Inspired by Mark 5)

God I Did Not Form

Is it Right for Me to Be Angry?

“But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was angry. And he prayed to the LORD and said, “O LORD, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster. Therefore now, O LORD, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live” (Jonah 4:1-3 ESV).

Turning My Page: Is it Right for Me to Be Angry?

I am angry at God. Probably the emotion will bleed into
tomorrow and the next day. Lots of reasons that
he and I will hash out, but the fish guts
hit the fan Sunday.

“Woman overboard!”

God had the audacity to
compare me to Jonah. I haven’t run from him—
lately— but his mercy. The word
is like placing a sour warhead in my mouth.

“I want justice. I want a front-row seat to ‘every knee
shall bow, and every tongue confess!” Hurt. The
pain rolls around in my soul like a stirred-up
sea.

“How can God ask me to do justice but love mercy?”

Eventually, I must let it go because it isn’t right for
me to be angry. Sin tainted, I will always misjudge myself and others.
God shows mercy to me,
even in my questioning His justice.

If I hold onto anger, then I take hope to the grave with me.

 

Turning Your Page

Anger is a tool. Nothing more, and nothing less. It points out that there is something not right in the world, but there are several crucial things to remember when feeling anger:

  • Clearly identify the source of your anger
    • Is this something that makes God angry?
    • What does God say for me to do with my anger?
    • Am I dealing with my anger or nursing and stirring it up?
    • Is God using this person to reveal my own sin?
  • You are not God, and therefore, your anger is often faulty
    • tainted with sin
    • meant to tear down rather than build-up
    • lacks mercy
    • forgets God’s forgiveness for your own sins
  • God has a long-term plan, as well as a short-term plan for humanity
    • He will use whatever means necessary to bring His people into humble obedience to him
      • He uses evil men to do this. Some of our greatest stories of hope come at the hands of evil men
        • Joseph
        • Moses
        • Any of the Prophets
        • Daniel and his friends
        • Jonah
        • Hezekiah
        • Jesus

Lord, help me to put away my anger and to love mercy. Amen

 

 

Release Tears

When tears are not released,
The soul forces its way through,
like a poorly dammed-up river.

Expression is as natural as breathing.

Allow lament to wash away the debris of hopelessness
and reveal comfort.
Allow quick squalls of anger to have their say.
Allow tears, contagious with laughter, to water
parched landscapes with joy.
Allow fear to escape in truthful torrents.

Jesus wept.

Tears erode isolation, intertwine
humans, and declare to a God who hears,
“I need you!”

Black Hole of Sorrow

Light in the Black Hole of Sorrow

Turning My Page

Today is a black hole.
 
It sucks out all good and feeds off my brokenness. No light gets near my sorrow without getting sucked into the density of problems and crushed.
 
And God has most certainly been sending light. My prayer group prayed for me and lifted my soul. A stranger plopped down a sign on a coffee shop table near me that said, “NEED PRAYER?” and took the time to listen and pray for my family. Others encouraged there’s purpose in your children’s suffering. Hold on.
Scripture encouraged. I read Acts 8-10, where Saul was blinded by the light of Christ, and his whole world turned upside down as he is chosen to go from persecuting Christians to preaching the good news to the Gentiles. When persecution seemed to be taking hold of the church, God stopped it in its tracks so that the church could take root and grow.
My black hole is the illusion of control. I’m not in control of the outcome for my children. God has chosen a hard path for them both, but when I wallow in the fact that I can’t remove their pain, I miss out on the comfort and understanding they give to their classmates and friends who also struggle. I miss out on their laughter, and I miss out on my own comfort.
I see in acts that God did not choose an easy path for the early believers either, yet they were joyous as they were beaten and cried out for forgiveness for their persecutors. What they set in front of them mattered. What I set before me matters. I can look at the waves (troubles), or I can look at Jesus. I choose Jesus. His light cannot be swollowed by the darkness.

Turning Your Page

 
Do you have days where from the moment you wake up (assuming that you slept at all), you feel like a black hole has swallowed all hope through Christ? It can’t reach you. You can’t hear it, no matter how loud others shout, “DON’T GIVE UP!” In those moments, be still, and know. God created the universe. He created you. Though you can’t see the light. It does exist. Jesus had a moment, too, where the black hole of the grave was sucking him in, and he could no longer see the light of his heavenly father.  

Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? (Matthew 27:45-46 KJV)

In crying out that his task on earth was done, he opened the door to the light. A joy that overwhelms the darkness. Stand firm in the darkness, not because you come to see God in your moment of desperation, but because Christ died so that you and I will never be sepperated from God. Know that truth forward and backward. He is faithful to see you through your darkest hour, even if death looks like it may have the final victory.

Lord, I know that the darkness does not have the final say in my life. When my desire to control the outcome of my life blinds me, remove the scales that see you, that I may that you are Christ, and there is no other way! Amen

Pain Unwrapped

Patiently packaged within pain
is the gift of possibility.
Unopened or opened—content remains the same.
My future is secure in the gift-giver.
Oh Lord, help me tear away the wrapping of fear, bitterness, and despair
and gasp in awe at your glory.

My passion—tangible hope secreted within the gift of suffering.

Suicide & Prevention Hotline

National Suicide Hotline

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/