We huddle against the odds.
Battle bruised and broken, interlocked
by purpose, cradling
each other in prayer.
Posts Tagged: faith
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
John 21:15When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?†He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.†He said to him, “Feed my lambs.†16He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?†He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.†He said to him, “Tend my sheep.†17He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?†Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?†and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.†Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”
“I don’t think anyone can understand what I’m going through, unless they have been there.”
“If you want to understand someone you have to walk a mile in their shoes.”
“You have such a good testimony. My faith has never been tested like that.”
I have heard statements like this for a long time and I didn’t realize why they make me cringe, until today. I state again, Jesus ate with sinners, but he did not become a sinner to understand our pain. I do not buy the idea that somehow, those who have not been touched in someway by suicide cannot understand my pain and grief. If you are in the flesh, you can understand. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
The effectiveness of our empathy for the broken comes from how closely we are relating to the love of God, not how much we relate to each other. I think I have just rebuffed about every method of psychology we use to address what ails us in that statement. If we really want to counter suicide and depression then we need to love like Jesus. Only then will we feed his sheep, sacrifice for others, take persecution and forgive our enemies.
The closer I draw to the love of my heavenly Father the more I love and am broken hearted for your pain and struggles. And, since there was no separation between Jesus and the love of God he loves us completely! This was the first truth I had to accept when I began walking with Jesus. Scripture is a love note from beginning to end, even the hard parts. From the beginning of creation God has loved us.
When Jesus asks you if you love him, what is your answer?
Breathe in the sweet fragrance of scripture, until
we recognize his scent on humanity.
There have been several relief avenues that have emerged from my walking through this journey of grief. Some of them where childhood things left in the dust of adulthood, rediscovered. Others are completely new.
- Art: A friend invited me to join art class. I find myself growing still and quiet as my fingers discover and work the paints into new images.
- Walks: From the fragrance of leaves to the critters playing through the trees I am reminded of God’s provision for me. I have a heightened awareness of the union of life and death in nature.
- Photography: A new love and discovery. I delight in capturing new perspective through my lens.
- Blogging: Discipline, discipline, discipline! I am learning that writing through grief keeps me opening myself to God’s provision and joy daily.
As you walk through challenges, what new avenues of input and expression are you finding? Feel free to share; you may help others to discover ways of persevering.
“At some point, everything’s gonna go south on you and you’re going to say, this is it. This is how I end. Now you can either accept that, or you can get to work. That’s all it is. You just begin. You do the math. You solve one problem and you solve the next one, and then the next. And If you solve enough problems, you get to come home.” –Mark Watney (The Martian)
I have had a multitude of troubles thrown my way, but I can honestly say, I have never been stranded on Mars. In the early days after Jonathan’s death a friend asked, “How are you doing this? How are you able to function?”
My answer, “I’m not.”
I knew several things almost instantly the day Jonathan died.
- This was hell on earth.
- I could not stand in this furnace alone.
- I would grieve with hope.
Galatians 2:20“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”
I live, because Christ lives. The more I am crucified with Christ, my fleshly desire to have Jonathan alive dies. So many of us do not get over losing our children because it is a way of keeping them alive in our minds. God does not say, “Just get over it.” He mourns with us! At the same time he invites us to the realization that God will be glorified. We cannot stare longingly at the grave of our past and expect to resurrect what is not within God’s will. We must keep our eyes fixed upon the cross if we want to live.
I wrestle with this aspect of God’s character, but I also know he did not spare his own son. When Jesus started talking to the followers about “eating his flesh”, many walked away. (John 6:53) This is a hard teaching! Will I leave Jesus because I cannot fully get my mind around what he is asking of me? No! Who else in this world has changed my life. Who else has loved me like you? You are the Christ and my salvation is in you alone.
I am finding that the cross is the juxtaposition of Christ! Opposites collide on the cross– life and death, pain and pleasure, law and grace, sin and holiness, shame and glory. On the cross Jesus understands, both my deepest sorrow, and the heights of his fathers glory. And as I die my spirit is revealed more and more. I pray that I too, one day, can fully state. “Into your hands I commit my spirit.” I don’t have to scramble, alone, to solve enough problems to get home. Christ already solved them for me on the cross. I’m already home!
Matthew 25:20 And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.’
Father, I raise my hands to you. Thank you for Daniel and Natalie who fill our house with laughter and adventure. What a precious gift my hard working husband is; teach me to bless and treasure him as you desire to bless him. I praise you for my many sisters and brothers in Christ. Truly I am never alone!
Open my eyes to heaven, that I may more clearly see your mighty acts poured over the earth. Strengthen my body so that I can serve you without reserve. Help me to get to know the spirit that you have placed in me and equip me to fight despair, lifting others out of the pit as you have lifted me! Father, it is your will that none perish and I come into agreement with your will.
You have gifted writing to me! I return the gift to you like the servant entrusted with five precious talents. May my delight in glorifying you increase! Amen.
Daniel got caught sneaking a brownie after I told him no more sweets. When I confronted him he cursed the brownie for making him eat it, then he cursed Satan, then he cursed Adam and Eve for their original sin. Finally, when he realized that none of those were responsible he put his hand up, turn and said, “Get away from me Mom, I’m sinful.”
Oh, dear reader you may standing there with your hand up to Christ declaring, “Leave me, get away from me, I am too far gone, I am beyond repair, I am unworthy of love. Christ, You are too pure and holy to eat at my table, or come into my home.”
Instead of repelling God, he draws close to us!  Example after example of a Jesus response to sinners recorded in scripture. He ate with tax collectors (IRS), allowed prostitutes and those cast outside the city gates to touch him. Peter, one of Jesus’ disciples participated in a Jesus miracle, and he realized that the only reason that there were fish now flopping around in his empty boat was Jesus. Luke 5:8 But when Simon Peter saw that, he fell down at Jesus’ feet, saying, “Go away from me Lord, for I am a sinful man,, O Lord!”
We don’t have to guess how Jesus responds to our sin filled lives, scripture spells it out. vs. 10 “And Jesus said to Simon, “Do not fear, from now on you will be catching men.” In this moment Jesus does not address Peter’s dirty laundry, he goes after his fear. We Christians really need to take note of this! The Pharisees approached sin with the mindset: Get clean first, which is impossible, and then we will allow you in. Too often this is our approach to the those who, like Peter, already know they are broken. Jesus offers different criteria: Follow me.
That is how God approached me. “Follow me and all of these other things will be added to you! Let me show the possibilities of your life in relationship with mine. Don’t be afraid, today I call you to follow me and I will teach you to catch men.”  None of us is beyond his redemption. So . . . come follow me reader and let me open your eyes to the FACT that nothing is impossible for Him.
1 Corinthians 9:22 To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. 23I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.
Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
I fell again today, already nursing a sprained foot! As everyone came running to aid the pitiful woman sprawled out on the dentist room floor I laughed. In painful moments, sometimes, laughter is the only sane response. As pain roared through my knee and I struggled back to my feet I didn’t even fool with asking God why?
Instead I asked, what is the advantage of a sprained ankle? Well, for starters, it is forcing me to the doctor because beyond the sprain I was diagnosed with bone spurs and arthritis. There is a reason for my foot pain. I must once again humble myself to ask for help from others. My sprained ankle is putting me in places and opportunities to share the gospel that I would not normally be. Once again I praise God that he is completely able to sustain me! There may be further things revealed and I am open to the possibilities!
Evidence of grit–
Heels dug into turf
in repetitive resilience.
Battered souls
wilted weary
by devastating
defeats.
Coached back up
to the surprise of
of our enemy’s doggedness.
Shoulders pressed forward
against all odds.
Hope faithfully
gains ground with eyes
firmly fixed on the end
zone of belief.
Psalm 34:…17The righteous cry, and the LORD hears And delivers them out of all their troubles. 18The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. 19Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all.…
Some days you wake up and your world is already crumbling. Daniel woke up crying in pain, and it went down from there until everyone was being unpleasant to one another. The explosions inside me were oozing out in sharp words and I’m not sure I want to keep them at bay any more.
Now I sit here in the silence, the train whistling in the distance and I feel as if I am stuck on the tracks. Lord, they do not owe me a thing! Help me to glorify you. I don’t have to keep up appearances, I don’t have to hold it all together. Life on this earth sucks sometimes and I’ve had enough. I want my son to be well, or at the very least, to know what is wrong. Please father, give me the strength to keep pressing forward and not to be mean to my family because I can’t fix what is wrong. Open my heart and mind to your will, not mine! Only in the garden of trusting you completely can I be fully present and pleasant to my family. Amen.
National Suicide Hotline
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/