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Is it Right for Me to Be Angry?

Posted July 25, 2023 | Karisa Moore

“But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was angry. And he prayed to the LORD and said, “O LORD, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster. Therefore now, O LORD, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live” (Jonah 4:1-3 ESV).

Turning My Page: Is it Right for Me to Be Angry?

I am angry at God. Probably the emotion will bleed into
tomorrow and the next day. Lots of reasons that
he and I will hash out, but the fish guts
hit the fan Sunday.

“Woman overboard!”

God had the audacity to
compare me to Jonah. I haven’t run from him—
lately— but his mercy. The word
is like placing a sour warhead in my mouth.

“I want justice. I want a front-row seat to ‘every knee
shall bow, and every tongue confess!” Hurt. The
pain rolls around in my soul like a stirred-up
sea.

“How can God ask me to do justice but love mercy?”

Eventually, I must let it go because it isn’t right for
me to be angry. Sin tainted, I will always misjudge myself and others.
God shows mercy to me,
even in my questioning His justice.

If I hold onto anger, then I take hope to the grave with me.

Turning Your Page

Anger is a tool. Nothing more, and nothing less. It points out that there is something not right in the world, but there are several crucial things to remember when feeling anger:

Clearly identify the source of your anger
- Is this something that makes God angry?
- What does God say for me to do with my anger?
- Am I dealing with my anger or nursing and stirring it up?
- Is God using this person to reveal my own sin?
You are not God, and therefore, your anger is often faulty
- tainted with sin
- meant to tear down rather than build-up
- lacks mercy
- forgets God’s forgiveness for your own sins
God has a long-term plan, as well as a short-term plan for humanity
- He will use whatever means necessary to bring His people into humble obedience to him
  - He uses evil men to do this. Some of our greatest stories of hope come at the hands of evil men
    - Joseph
    - Moses
    - Any of the Prophets
    - Daniel and his friends
    - Jonah
    - Hezekiah
    - Jesus

Lord, help me to put away my anger and to love mercy. Amen

Release Tears

Posted July 20, 2023 | Karisa Moore

When tears are not released,
The soul forces its way through,
like a poorly dammed-up river.

Expression is as natural as breathing.

Allow lament to wash away the debris of hopelessness
and reveal comfort.
Allow quick squalls of anger to have their say.
Allow tears, contagious with laughter, to water
parched landscapes with joy.
Allow fear to escape in truthful torrents.

Jesus wept.

Tears erode isolation, intertwine
humans, and declare to a God who hears,
“I need you!”

Light in the Black Hole of Sorrow

Posted July 18, 2023 | Karisa Moore

Turning My Page

Today is a black hole.

It sucks out all good and feeds off my brokenness. No light gets near my sorrow without getting sucked into the density of problems and crushed.

And God has most certainly been sending light. My prayer group prayed for me and lifted my soul. A stranger plopped down a sign on a coffee shop table near me that said, “NEED PRAYER?” and took the time to listen and pray for my family. Others encouraged there’s purpose in your children’s suffering. Hold on.

Scripture encouraged. I read Acts 8-10, where Saul was blinded by the light of Christ, and his whole world turned upside down as he is chosen to go from persecuting Christians to preaching the good news to the Gentiles. When persecution seemed to be taking hold of the church, God stopped it in its tracks so that the church could take root and grow.

My black hole is the illusion of control. I’m not in control of the outcome for my children. God has chosen a hard path for them both, but when I wallow in the fact that I can’t remove their pain, I miss out on the comfort and understanding they give to their classmates and friends who also struggle. I miss out on their laughter, and I miss out on my own comfort.

I see in acts that God did not choose an easy path for the early believers either, yet they were joyous as they were beaten and cried out for forgiveness for their persecutors. What they set in front of them mattered. What I set before me matters. I can look at the waves (troubles), or I can look at Jesus. I choose Jesus. His light cannot be swollowed by the darkness.

Turning Your Page

Do you have days where from the moment you wake up (assuming that you slept at all), you feel like a black hole has swallowed all hope through Christ? It can’t reach you. You can’t hear it, no matter how loud others shout, “DON’T GIVE UP!” In those moments, be still, and know. God created the universe. He created you. Though you can’t see the light. It does exist. Jesus had a moment, too, where the black hole of the grave was sucking him in, and he could no longer see the light of his heavenly father.

Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? (Matthew 27:45-46 KJV)

In crying out that his task on earth was done, he opened the door to the light. A joy that overwhelms the darkness. Stand firm in the darkness, not because you come to see God in your moment of desperation, but because Christ died so that you and I will never be sepperated from God. Know that truth forward and backward. He is faithful to see you through your darkest hour, even if death looks like it may have the final victory.

Lord, I know that the darkness does not have the final say in my life. When my desire to control the outcome of my life blinds me, remove the scales that see you, that I may that you are Christ, and there is no other way! Amen

If Truth is What I Make It

Posted July 13, 2023 | Karisa Moore

Muddled religious platitudes
leave me questioning existence and further
hush the echoes of truth. Hypocrites!

“God bless”ripped of its earth-quaking power
by unrepentant ministers who curse children with trauma
huddled naked under their self-righteous protection. Why would I want that?

Savior? What a laughable insult. I am god of my fate.
I am independent. A pull-yourself-up by-the-bootstraps kinda
person. Connect to god any way I choose. Or none at all.

I can stoke the flame of my passion with a flip of a channel.
Obstacle or object, I can abuse or manipulate people like pawns. Bend
them to the will of my mood.

The world is crammed with little wack-a-mole idols
popping up with flashy egos. “Look at me!” And I look.
Devoid of humility. Empty of truth. These are the ravenous monsters I sacrifice to?

Forgive and forget or take revenge are one and the same when I am god. Distilled of life-giving
obedience i forget to trace God’s instilled image in you.
To forgive and remember. Now there is the coup ‘d’ etat.

Sin, the abyss of separation from God. Sin, I once recognized and crumbled
to my knees in repentance. Sin is now bridged by
religious arrogance and social norms. “You do you.”

And in the end, when soul is spent, I ask. What is really different between Saint and sinner
if truth is what I make it?

A God Who Sees Me

Posted July 12, 2023 | Karisa Moore

Develop in me an eternal perspective.
I know you see me. Let me see you.

Like Hagar, my sorrow is not hidden
from you. I feel abandoned. You are in the desert of my loneliness.

Like drops of water, like manna, you feed my soul with
your presence. You satisfy me.

Jesus was not a victim of sin.
I am not a victim of infliction!

Helping others—my balm.
Opening my heart to infinite possibilities keeps me

Pressing through the gaps in my filmy understanding.
Pain is but a speck on my timeline, and I
Expect good things from a God who sees me.

Squeezing Life Out of Empty Vats

Posted July 11, 2023 | Karisa Moore

And Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me; what have you in the house?” And she said, “Your servant has nothing in the house except a jar of oil.”

2 Kings 4:2, ESV

Turning My Page

“It just keeps coming.” I giggled as I squeezed another serving of toothpaste two weeks after the tube was flat and looked as if it was empty. “Keep it coming, Lord.”

I wonder if the widow giggled joyously as she kept filling jars of oil. Life dealt her some harsh blows. Her husband was dead, debts piled up, and creditors were coming to take her two sons to sell into slavery to cover her debts. No one was stepping in to hep.

The widow must have felt desperate. I’ve been in that place where my only choice was to cry out to God. Have you? As I read the scripture I am surprised, no one stepped in to help. Did she have no kinsman reedemer like Ruth? Care for the widows and orphans (fatherless children) was of the utmost importance in Mosaic Law. God himself is called Father to the fatherless. Her question did not catch Elisha by surprise. His response was simple: How can I help and what do you already have? The widow must have asked others before reaching out to Elisha. Did no one else have pity on her and her sons?

There have been times in my life that God alone has helped me. I have no other human explanation for the provision. But I did have to ask, just as the widow did. What if she never sought Elisha out? I am humbled by her boldness and fortitude. She knew her worth and yet called herself a servant of Elisha. I’ve seen others approach God in the same way. The Centurian on behalf of his servant, the woman with the issue of blood, the possessed man among the graves. As soon as they saw Jesus, they cried out, and Jesus answered.

I want to approach God like the widow! To know that I am priceless and dust at the same time.

God multiplied what the widow had in supply, oil until every last cent she owed was paid off! I bet she and her sons were doing the Happy Dance.

Currently, I have friends in abundance, joys in writing, a roof over my head, and sustenance. If I need anything, I can ask. I am grateful for each of these, but sometimes God gifts reminders that my ultimate provision is him.

While toothpaste is not a dire situation like it was for the widow, it brought delight to me each morning and evening. One, it is God’s sense of humor on full display, and two, he is reminding me that when I think life is empty that he still has so much more for me. Keep filling my life with your goodness Lord!

Turning Your Page

God has infinite abundance for you. Remaining open to this truth when everything in your life is empty, disaster seems to threaten you at every turn, and God feels distant and quiet. can daunt the sturdiest believer in Christ. It has rattled Old Testament and New Testament followers of Yahweh throughout droughts of obedience. Have you cried out, “Consider your servant, Lord?” Consider, means, to take into account.

God has always been aware of your needs, are you aware of your need for him? Sometimes he allows all other avenues of help to dry up so that we know that he alone has the answers we seek. Like the widow:

Serve humbly
Cry out
Know that God will provide
Obey his directions

The widow didn’t hold some super religious card that receives a divine answer from God. All who believe in him can cry out and receive an answer, pressed down and running over (Luke 6).

Lord, you are my kinsman redeemer. Fill my vats to overflowing so that others may see our most desperate needs are filled by you. Amen

I Sent You Courage (Haiku)

Posted June 29, 2023 | Karisa Moore

Dog-eared smile tucked in

the green pocket of my heart.

—Courage, sent from home.

I’m Not the Vine: Learning to Abide

Posted June 27, 2023 | Karisa Moore

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.

John 15:5-6, ESV

Turning My Page

Sometimes we start again in a new way.

My depression is often rooted in thinking God is not enough for everyone I care about. My daughter, in particular, is suffering deeply. I can’t stand suffering, so I scramble to find answers, overthink, and stretch myself to the point of breaking to fill in all the perceived gaps God leaves incomplete to my satisfaction.

In addition, I am acutely aware of my friends and family who are deeply hurting, and I want to relieve their suffering too. I need to be there for others. And the list of reasons I don’t measure up to the lofty expectations I have for myself is endless.

As long as I can remember, I have tried to fix things for everyone and be god to broken-winged animals and people, and on the surface, those are noble desires. God created me with great compassion for the downtrodden and brokenhearted, but part of my New Year’s message from God this year was: “You are not me.”

In reality, there is only one thing I need to do. Love Jesus.

I am grafted into Jesus. It’s not my job to fix the messed up world, not even my own, and God continues to work with me this year to trust him in all areas of my life, including the care for my family. When I attempt to usurp God’s plan, even in allowing brokenness, I run over his spectacular redemption. I forget that it was in brokenness that he redeemed me.

As I read scripture I see that his ways aren’t mine. My plan would not have allowed Jesus to die on the cross for the sins of the world.

I laid some things on the altar on New Year’s Day, and I confess that lately, I have picked them back up. I praise God for the humbling he has done in the past few weeks. I CAN wait to see what God has in store for my daughter, friends, and family. He asked me to pray that his will is done in the lives I care about. No more attempts to fix or correct. Trust. Trust Him.

Turning Your Page

What is in your hands at this very moment? Are you gripping people, places, purposes, or a job so tightly that God has to work around you? Make no mistake, His will be done on earth as in heaven. You can either be a fruitful grapevine or a useless branch, but either way. Jesus is the vine.

Our job is to abide in him.

Pray that God shows you areas in your life where you are trying to be the vine.
Look up the definition of abide and put the definition into your own words.
Read the story of Joseph in the Old Testament (Genesis 37-50).
- What was Joseph’s plan for his life as a teenager?
- What was God’s?
- How did Joseph come to realize that God’s plan was the best route, even though it wound through attempted murder, slavery, and prison?

Lord, your ways aren’t mine, and I don’t want them to be. Do exceedingly, abundantly, beyond my limited thinking. Wow me! Amen

Surrender to Goodness

Posted June 22, 2023 | Karisa Moore

Some of us push against your goodness
Undeserving. Wretches, Self-Stamped Rejects.
Then we spin our tale, convincing everyone
around us of our version of truth. But I couldn’t
ever burn, cut, or tear your imprint
out of me. I was and am grafted into your image.

And when remembered, it’s easy to
surrender to your goodness.

No Longer Unraveled

Posted June 20, 2023 | Karisa Moore

Askew,
The world pulled the thread
of my fragile existence, and I
unraveled to nothing.

God found
a lump of thread unsure
of use.
Colored fragments of His
image.

Unhindered by my
knotted abuse
He untangled and restored order.

Knit me together, humming
tenderly as He wove my new life,
pink with purpose.

Woven into a tapestry of eternity.
I am a sturdy cord of three strands,
no longer alone.

Posts Tagged: turning the page on suicide

Turning My Page: Is it Right for Me to Be Angry?

Turning Your Page

Turning My Page

Turning Your Page

Turning My Page

Turning Your Page

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.

Turning My Page

Turning Your Page

National Suicide Hotline