Monthly Archives: October 2015

Whom Do You Fear?

Luke 12:4-5 “I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do. 5“But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who, after He has killed, has authority to cast into hell; yes, I tell you, fear Him! 6“Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God.…

Whom do you fear this Halloween? There is a house on my street my kids avoid every year because things in the yard move and jump out at them. Is it the monsters under the bed, or the person that sucks the life out of you because they are harsh and abusive in words or deed?

Real or imagined we all have fears. I’m afraid of heights and being trapped in small spaces. I battle the fear of losing the rest of my family because of Jonathan’s death. All of these are earthly fears, and they will one day, literally, pass away. These fears often cause us to avoid God, hurt others, or hurt ourselves. Some of you live in the most painful of realities. But there is one fear that is life changing, one fear that should be more tangible than what torture life may put us through.

It is the fear of the Lord.

Unlike earthly fears, we are transformed by this relationship founded upon fear! “He is not a tame lion, but he is good.” (Mr. Beaver, The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe)

Take a look at these verses:

Proverbs 14:26 In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence: and his children shall …

Psalm 19:9 The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The

Revelation 14:7 Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him; for the …

2 Chronicles 19:7 Fear the LORD and judge with integrity, for the LORD our God does not tolerate
perverted justice, partiality, or the taking of bribes.”

Job 28:28 He has commanded mankind: ‘To fear the Lord—that is wisdom; to move away from evil—that is understanding.'”

Amos 3:8 The lion has roared; who will not fear? The Lord GOD has spoken; who can but prophesy

Proverbs 14:27The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death.

What are the results of fearing God?

fear = strong confidence

fear = worship

fear = wisdom

fear = pure, enduring forever

fear = integrity

fear = prophesy

fear = life

Fear of God releases us from the fear of man or anything else that may intend us harm on this earth!

Grief in Nightmares

I don’t sleep much, and when I do it is filled with nightmares. I don’t need a Halloween, my eyes are already pried open to the horrors of life. Feeling pretty down right now.

I dreamed this week that I was in a pool swimming and everything was bright and cheerful, but there was this constant darkness I  strained to hold at bay. Suddenly Jonathan appeared. All he wanted to do was swim with us, but I wanted desperately to talk to him. We got out the pool and Jonathan was trying to explain why he died. It made perfect sense as he was telling me, but I don’t remember what he said and I wish I could remember.

Life Springing from Death

Fall is my favorite season, and as I walked through the woods I was reminded of why. It isn’t just the fall colors, or the cool nip in the air that revive and remind me of the divine. It is that even in death, life is given.

Take this log for example. It is teeming with life! Fall reminds me that death is not the end of God’s story. There are millions of possibilities that lay hidden beneath the surface ready to burst forth and display his provision and splendor.

Some of us feel like an empty shell, or like this fallen log! I declare to you with complete confidence that there are a million seeds of life planted inside you ready to spring forth! I once thought that I was without purpose, but I see clearly that life is in every cell of my being! I want to give that life to you.

Allow this season to be one of hidden possibilities. Trust God’s provision for your life and let him reveal the life growing inside of you.

Love you dearly!

(Shared on Facebook October 21, 2015)

Near Death

I’m not sure what to call the consistent string of crazy things that keep happening to me while in the car. I’ve had all kinds of things thrown off work trucks and yesterday, while on the interstate, my car accelerated and the breaks stopped working during rush hour traffic. I’m in total awe that not once did traffic stop. If it had I would have hit the cars ahead of me at 50miles/hour. The route I take is always stop and go traffic! I felt the breaks finally give just a little so I pushed with all my might, threw on the emergency break, which up to this point wasn’t working at all and pulled onto the shoulder. When the tow truck came for the car he said that the throttle was stuck on open.

I am going to do a little praising if you don’t mind!

Thank you Jesus for helping me to not panic! Thank you Lord for giving Daniel the strength to talk to 911. Thank you Jesus that Natalie turned from crying to praying. Thank you Lord for protecting us and the people around us. Lord, it really feels like the enemy is seeking to destroy my family. May I become all the bolder in proclaiming your truth, whatever my circumstances. I’m near death, but so were you. The enemy tried to destroy you before the cross repeatedly. You submitted to your Father’s will even though it led to a cross! I submit to your will, you will be glorified! Amen

To Be Continued . . .

Didn’t know I was talking to suicide,

goodbye was not on my lips.

“See you this afternoon”

promised more time.

Silence

breathed on the line between us

Like a to-be-continued story

never completed . . .

You hung

up while I still wait for

the afternoon to come.

True Discipleship: I’m not a Minion

I’m not a minion just following Christ because he’s the biggest, badest dude. I am a follower of a God who is involved in my life, who cares, nurtures, laughs and cries with me. One who is moved with grief that we struggle so deeply  with our depressed state. He is a God who comforts. Seems to me that a God who came off his throne, took on our flesh, limited himself to eat, drink and go fishing with us, would want his disciples to do the same.

Discipleship is messy. It means that we can’t keep our distance, it means that our sin marked scars will be exposed, and it means that we can’t be counting the numbers.  Jesus went after the one who was lost, even if he had a crowd of followers. He helped the child destroyed by demonic forces. He healed the sick, he dined with tax collectors. He dined with Pharisees. God dined with me! I am that lost sheep that Jesus pursued. I am that one that he said was worth dying for. Anyone who wants to be a fisher of men has to be in the pool where the fish are biting. There is no formula, sharing the gospel is as individual as our fingerprints.

Discipleship starts with following Jesus.

“Come follow me, ” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men. Matthew 4:19 (Notice that Jesus didn’t say you need to make yourself a fisher of men. HE WILL MAKE us in his image!)

Seeing the needs of those around you.

When He saw the crowds, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Matthew 9:36

Acting on those needs now, the harvest is ripe.

Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Matthew 9:37

Discipleship is not complicated, it is actually rather simple. In fact, many of our idols have “groupies” that make decisions on wardrobe, hair and behavior based upon the person they have plastered on their wall. Who are you studying? Who is it that you moves you to action? We all follow something or someone. I follow Christ and therefore my words are meant to draw you closer to the one who changed me!

There is nothing like witnessing  God’s love catching fire in the bosom of another. I get a front row seat to God’s unfolding plan in your life! I am in constant prayer as I speak to you, asking for discernment. Many of you are struggling with deep heart and soul pain, as well as physical. I don’t always say the right words and that used to bother me. But, sharing grace isn’t about perfection, it is about presence!

May I be a light, present in the darkness. True discipleship is sharing the reality of Christ’s active role in my life, I carry a cross, not a silver spoon! Life has not been easy for me; I have many sorrows.  I am learning to the depth of my being that my contentment comes from Christ alone, my hope is in him, and my joy is in that in his realm we are raised from the dead! For the past year I have been discipled, even as I disciple others. I was guided to scriptures that refresh my weary soul and speak truth over my circumstances when I find myself wanting to believe lies. I was strengthened by being in community with another, further along in her journey.

Participating in the Out of the Darkness Community Walk on Sunday I was deeply burdened and hopeful as I turned another page on suicide. So many men and women walked with me, deeply wounded by depression and suicide, just like me! I want to offer hope and discipleship gives me the opportunity to share through relationship. At times it feels like I’m attempting to hold back a tidal wave, but by God’s love, grace and discipline, I continue to stand in the darkness and cry out NO MORE!  I cannot offer you anything less than what sustains me in my grief. Disciples of Christ do not stand alone, the Spirit stands with us. He lit the candles of the first disciples, and they lit many candles after Jesus, all the way to this present moment. Discipleship is lighting a candle, then another, and another until the world isn’t so dark any more.

Out of the Darkness Walk: Who Will Walk With Me?

Today is the day of my second Out of the Darkness Walk. My team is assembled and so far we have raised over $500 dollars. Walking to Turn the Page on Suicide is filled with hope! It may be one by one that we bring others out of the darkness, depression and suicide struggles are unique to each person, but this illness forces us to see others as individuals. There is no formula that will fix the epidemic. Three things I know are absolutes–LOVE, FAITH, and HOPE. Without these three core values I will falter and fail.

I was reminded this week that sometimes my need for immediate results makes me so short sighted. God’s perspective is above time and I can’t see two inches away from my face. Galatians 6:9-10:

9Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. 10So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

Love, faith and hope are in this race for the long haul! Not a short sprint. Jesus came so that we may have life, abundant life and for some of us it takes time for us to accept abundant life. He was willing to go into places that “clean” people just wouldn’t go. Are you and I willing to do the same? Remember, as we offer all that we have to one lost sheep, we know that we do not walk alone.

It took me 20 years to accept abundant life. Many men and women planted seeds along the way. Some of them do not know how valuable there moments with me were, but I do! The Holy Spirit went ahead of these Christians to plow the hardened field of my heart so that one day a little plant emerged, then another, and then another. As I walk today planting seeds in the dark ground of depression and suicide, I hope, I love, and I have faith . . .

In the War Room: Spiritual Warfare Momma Style

Psalm102:28The children of your servants shall dwell secure; their offspring shall be established before you.

For the first time in over two years I returned to the chapel to pray for our church youth group as they met. Coming to church has been difficult this year, and being around teenagers even harder. Not because I don’t love them, but because I miss Jonathan. From the first moment I said yes to Jesus, I have not battled a desire to escape church, until now. I began to withdraw from fellowship as soon as the casket closed. But in contrast to this struggle, God kept stirring me to pray for young men and women, some struggling very much like my son. I entered the chapel and felt the same blank, numb, weariness that I have become accustomed to these days in being in the building. I didn’t feel like being there, but God’s call was clear.

As I began to pray for guidance, as I began to pray for each of the students by name I became aware of a shift. It was as if the blinders were removed from my eyes and I began to see what I was actually praying for and against. Scripture declares that there is a spiritual battle not always seen by the naked eye. Discernment is needed and prayer opens the door for the spirit to guide us in our prayers.

13-15 Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you’ve sinned, you’ll be forgiven—healed inside and out.

16-18 Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. Elijah, for instance, human just like us, prayed hard that it wouldn’t rain, and it didn’t—not a drop for three and a half years. Then he prayed that it would rain, and it did. The showers came and everything started growing again.

19-20 My dear friends, if you know people who have wandered off from God’s truth, don’t write them off. Go after them. Get them back and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God. (James 5 MSG)

There came a moment when my hands were raised, but I don’t remember raising them. I felt like Moses standing above the battle field and when his arms were raised, the Israelites were winning, but when his arms dropped they began to lose. I could see the battle playing out, and the enemy losing ground as I declared God’s truth over each child. Prayer is a powerful tool, scripture is able to slice open and reveal the enemy’s schemes. So why do I so often use it as a last resort?

Don’t grow weary in your prayers. Jesus didn’t pray to his heavenly father day in and day out because he was God, he prayed because he had limited himself to being a man! To fight the enemy’s schemes just like we can do, to stand firm while others fell away, Jesus had to pray. It was not a last resort, it was his weapon of choice. He taught us how to pray! Prayer puts a stake in the ground and says, “No further Satan!” Today I put a stake in the ground Lord, I state before God and man, I will be a watchman. I will declare your faithfulness to me, and trust that you will be faithful to our children. Will you be a watchman with me?!

Psalm 78:

1My people, hear my teaching;

listen to the words of my mouth.

2I will open my mouth with a parable;

I will utter hidden things, things from of old—

3things we have heard and known,

things our ancestors have told us.

4We will not hide them from their descendants;

we will tell the next generation

the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,

his power, and the wonders he has done.

5He decreed statutes for Jacob

and established the law in Israel,

which he commanded our ancestors

to teach their children,

6so the next generation would know them,

even the children yet to be born,

and they in turn would tell their children.

7Then they would put their trust in God

and would not forget his deeds

but would keep his commands.

Hope in the Cell of Circumstances

Proverbs 3:…4I was crying to the LORD with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah. 5I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.

Night defiantly whispers,

“No rest here. “ And sleep

steals the covers,

tauntingly tapping tic-tock

on your brain.

Scripture is like a father’s

bedtime story to his child,

like a mother’s lullaby.

Remembered promises,

experienced and witnessed, repeat hope

in the cell of circumstances,

fluff pillows and prepare the heart

to receive just enough.

God tucks the soul

beneath the blanket of his wings

and feeds truth and comfort, though

our fallen bodies fail us.

Suicide & Prevention Hotline

National Suicide Hotline

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/