Caught a glimpse of you today
mirrored in another
standing in your
shoes, your smock,
your hat,
ready to
serve me
My son introduced
you to my pain
building kinship
to his brother hanging
on the wall.
fringe familiarity
blinked back at me
“IÂ shared a bus.”
You acknowledged
Grief heaved
a heavy sigh of
silence between us.
How are you?
Questioning the
son I can longer ask
Willing another still
breathing to
value each breath
Embracing Photos
Source: Silent Whispers of A Hopeful Man
Beautiful, Yet Haunting. Please see my response.
After reading a fellow poet’s haunting work I prepared a response to the darkness that lights her world, and once lit my own.
I have lived in darkness,
wrapped up in the blanket of its truth, smothered
hope and shut out liars
who offer to light my way with burnt
out candles of philosophy. I thought that I had insulated
myself from darkness by embracing its truth. Nothing begets nothing–
we’re all dead anyway.
Until
fear mastered my taste buds, and my
craving was bitterness.
I begged death to
swallow me whole and it did.
Soul crushing pain that I could
never quite medicate out of existence.
Death was my hope.
But there was a persistent, pesky light
that didn’t care if I trusted. The warmth of its glow stayed constant
when others faded away. Like an inn at the end of a long
journey, it offered rest from
my aching confusion.
The lantern brought me from the woods
of my tangled shadows.
Secure in its source,
in its never changing nature
a humble truth never experienced in my boasting
darkness of doubt. It didn’t demand I believe, nor
did it exact the price of darkness. It paid in full every
debt I owed. This light didn’t scramble as I did,
to snuff out pain. It bore it. . . .willingly.
It hung in the darkness for me.
I have never experienced such light.
A state of being, rather than doing, a love
that pursues
Rather than playing hide-and-seek.
My soul caught fire as I warmed by the fire
of its glory,
I am a light to you in the darkness
Inviting warmth and freedom to the darkest souls.
I’ve taken out an assurance policy.
It cost me my life, but
the after death benefits are divine.
The plan promises abundant
life on earth.
There is no fine print,
I can count on provision
no matter my circumstances.
I don’t have to haggle with the
Agent, though sometimes I do ask
for clarification.
Everything is covered:
My assurance agent
Is available 24 hours a day and backs claims
in writing.
He’s really poured out his blood and sweat into
this policy.
He has been in business for eternity,
His love gives peace of mind
And confidence.
I can walk this earth
no longer chained to fear.
1 John 4:18There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 19We love, because He first loved us.…
Sometimes it doesn’t matter that we are walking on water towards Jesus–we see the wind and sink. Fear is a constant threat in my world. My oldest son potentially had an undiagnosed metabolic disorder that may have contributed to his mental state; his brother, shows some of the same symptoms. Tuesday night he woke up screaming in pain. Since, I have felt fear pressing in, leaning into my thoughts, promising me more loss, more heart ache, more sorrow. Fear is the opposite of love. When I fear losing my family, I am not loving them.
As fear consumes love it becomes easier to lash out, let our thoughts run us, and to lose sight of God! Fear was the very first reaction to God in the garden by Adam and Eve. Genesis 3:10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.†Peter sunk while walking on water because he saw the wind and was afraid, he took his eyes off Jesus. (Matthew 14:30) We forget that God loves us from head to toe. Last night my entire family was exploding at each other. The fear was becoming more concrete, and love more abstract.
I don’t remember consciously crying out to God, but I must have, because in an instant the fear was gone. I don’t know how else to describe that moment. One second I was raging because I felt so helpless to fix what’s wrong for my son, and the next I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed by love and peace flowing from the inside out and I was equipped to spread that peace to the rest of my family.
The circumstances haven’t changed! My son still potentially has a deadly illness and my daughter and husband most certainly do, but I am not afraid. God will find a way through these circumstances, and I will follow that path. I love the line from the movie Scorpion King,, as Jesup faces certain death he tells his brother Mathayus to “Live Well,” and his brother responds, “Die free.” God wants us to live well and die free. We cannot do that if we are afraid, we negate the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross and allow fear to rule our actions. Â In Romans 8, Paul describes our bondage before Christ, as being a “slave to fear”. Perfect love casts out all fear! How do we love perfectly?
Dwell on the fact that God loves you right where you are, and that he came for us while we were nailing him to the cross. Like Monty Python’s Black Knight we can say concerning all circumstances–including death, “Tis but a scratch!” But, unlike Monty Python, its no joke.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/