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Rencoling my spirit: Allowing God’s truth to bring healing

Posted January 23, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Turn the Page:

Do you ever feel like you are two people? One holds it together and keeps moving forward, and the other is caught in a vortex of pain, suffering, emotion and loss. Both are very real parts of ourselves.

I realized last night that the gap between the two was widening and took a step towards reconciling the two parts of my spirit. When I suffered from depression as a teen, I resented that tenacious part of me that refused to throw in the towel, no matter what I w…ent through. Now, I am grateful that I have allowed God to cultivate that part of me.

But sometimes I move forward and ignore the very real and deep pain that Jonathan’s death has caused. I realize that I am losing sight of grace. Grace recognizes that we are but dust and provides a way when I cannot find it!

The two parts of me must eventually work in harmony and right now they are very much working against each other. I think that David struggled with this very same feeling.

Psalm 43:4 Then I will go to the altar of God, To God my exceeding joy; And upon the lyre I shall praise You, O God, my God. 5Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.

Even as David is struggling he offers the key to the crucial transition in his spirit, verse 3 Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling!

While the tenacious part of me keeps leaning into the knowledge of God’s love, I do not yet feel it. I must allow my mind, body, and spirit to be encouraged by my hope in God. Lord I thank you that you send your light and your truth ahead of me. Illuminate in me the grace, and strength of your love. Amen

Hitting the Mark: What is affecting my aim?

Posted January 21, 2015 | Karisa Moore

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John 7:16-18 Â 16So Jesus answered them and said, “My teaching is not Mine, but His who sent Me. 17“If anyone is willing to do His will, he will know of the teaching, whether it is of God or whether I speak from Myself. 18“He who speaks from himself seeks his own glory; but He who is seeking the glory of the One who sent Him, He is true, and there is no unrighteousness in Him

Which eye is your dominant? Our instructor had me point at the target bull’s-eye and then shut my left eye. It now looked to me like I was pointing to the left of center. Then right eye shut and left open. I now was again dead center. I am left eye dominant.

Sometimes we think we are aiming correctly, but something is getting in the way of our accuracy. I’ll define hitting the mark as being in the center of God’s will and knowing it. It is important that we take a step back and check our view of the world, our neighbors, our friends and Christ. Many times when I find that I haven’t hit the mark it is because something besides Christ is in control of my focus. Often I’ve gotten too entrenched in my own thoughts and will to see clearly what God’s will is.

There is nothing like hitting the bull’s-eye. Daniel got his first 9 yesterday and he was jumping up and down. When we are hitting the center of God’s will consistently then mountains move, and lives are changed. How can they not when God’s will is, none should perish! Check what is dominating your life. If it isn’t Christ, then we’ll miss the mark every time. Agape love always hits dead center of God’s will.

What is my happily ever after?: Finding hope and abudant life in Jesus

Posted January 16, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Once upon a time . . . Last night I fell asleep watching episodes of Once Upon a Time. I am hooked (all pun intended) andÂ am well into the third season.Â I have loved fairytales, fables, and Greek Mythology since I was very young. Taking the characters from many of our beloved stories and giving them real world experiences fascinates me. “Does happily ever after really happen?”, seems to be the question askedÂ by the writers. For Emma, the lead character life has been very, very hard. It doesn’t matter that her parentsÂ are fairytale characters.

Jesus declares that I have come that you may have life, and have it to the fullest. Seems like a happily every after statement, but remember that he speaks of thief who comes to destroyÂ thatÂ abundance in the very same verse. (John 10:10) We have an evil enemy who doesn’t want us to have our happily ever after. He is going to make our life difficult and try to destroy us. So how do we keep going no matter what our enemy tries to do to us?

Snow White declares that one of our strongest weapons isÂ hope. She says that the moment she gives into despair she gives up her happily ever after.Â Therefore she presses forward with the firm belief that their happily ever after will happen. When others would throw in the towel, Snow trusts that good will always defeat evil.

I declare with every fiber of my being that there is a happy ending to my story. The impossible is a chance for my heavenly father to part the sea.Â Since God has power over even death nothing is impossible for him in writing our story. He will turn my desert into a lush garden of his glory. The story of my life is fraught with battles and I am weary in fighting. But I know that the victory is mine in Jesus Christ, and I refuse to give up hope.Â That is enough for me to keep believing in my happy ending.

The Value of a Page Written in Tears

Posted January 6, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Luke 23:44It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness fell over the whole land until the ninth hour, 45because the sun was obscured; and the veil of the temple was torn in two.

I was doing great yesterday morning, but in the afternoon I began sobbing uncontrollably as I was working on laundry. Especially when I saw my son’s bed and could so clearly see his figure, both as a child and as a teenager, curled up under the covers.

Everyday functioning is so much harder with a piece of you missing. You walk through your day with a constant nagging feeling that there is something valuable lost that you are constantly searching for. For those of us who have lost a loved one, there is no quick fix, no glue that will repair this crack in our soul.

I truly believe that heaven is affected by the loss of Jonathan. The day I put my son in the ground the weather went crazy. For the burial the sun shone brightly, but quickly after it began storming and the sky went black. That is why, when the sky suddenly began brightening at 9:00 in the evening, everyone took notice.

My neighbor and I went outside and began snapping pictures. On one side were the billowing lines of the storm clouds, but to the west was this eerie orange light. My husband felt that heaven was mourning with us.

And why wouldn’t heaven mourn?Â God created each person with a unique fingerprint, there is not a single one of us that he does not value! Jesus came so that we may have abundant life. My son’s life was valuable to God.

What is it that you were created for? As I mourn for Jonathan I also have two more precious little ones who need to know that they have value. My kids struggled to settle down for sleep last night. I snuggled with Natalie first. We giggled like little girls,Â and she shared how much she missed Jonathan.Â I then climbed up into Daniel’s loft bed to snuggle with him (no easy task); he was so pleased that I was taking the time to be present with him that he began talking a mile a minute. He had so much he wanted to share with me. To reach beyond my grief to be present with them felt good.

My life has value, So I keep turning the page of my story to find out what happens next, even if it is a day heavy with tears. What pageÂ are youÂ writing today?

Perseverance: The “Hooah!” of Christian Discipleship

Posted January 5, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Romans 5:Â 3Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not put us to shame, because Godâ€™s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

My sciatic nerve is damaged. I have had pain every single day for the past eight years and it would be weird if one day the pain was suddenly gone. I have learned to adjust how I sit, stand and move to keep the pain at a tolerable level.Â Â My grandfather, on theÂ other hand,Â burnt his foot because his nerve receptors were destroyed and he didn’t know he had stepped on hot coals. Which would you rather?

Losing Jonathan hurts worse then any other pain I have experienced. I could try to avoid it, many do, or IÂ can allow it to teach me perseverance. Some translations use the word endurance, but I see perseverance as the “Hooah!” ofÂ Christian discipleship. Perseverance comes from the gut of our spirit, and is anÂ outward acknowledgment that I hear, understand, and obey the will of the Lord. When I persevere I am allowing God to draw out my character, which makes the impossible possible (hope) and displays Godâ€™s glory. At my core is the knowledge that God will not fail me.

Many of us endure trials, but not many allow those sufferings to complete the work in us so that we are not lacking anything (James 1).Â Â That is what my suffering has the potential to do. Jonathan death motivates me to speak boldly on the behalf of others, to be aware of depression and suicide in a way that I never have before, and to seek the face of God every day. I know the pain will not always be this severe. But until that moment comes the pain is necessary and teaches me the discipline of perseverance. Hooah!!

The Cross is Necessary: Why God couldn’t rescue us through a baby

Posted December 26, 2014 | Karisa Moore

Mark 15:39When the centurion, who was standing right in front of Him, saw the way He breathed His last, he said, “Truly this man was the Son of God!”

Since Jonathan’s death I have struggled with the cross. In all of my getting to know the character of God the cross always made sense. But, since Jonathan’s death I have questioned why the cross is necessary. If God is God then why did Jesus have to die? And of course the underlying question, how does Jonathan’s death work anything for good?

At the Christmas Eve service, as the pastor shared the sermon, the Lord jolted my attention. I mean, sat me up straight and sent me searching for a pen. He said, Karisa I want you to hear this and he wasn’t talking about my ears. My soul was now leaning into the next words.

“It was not enough that Jesus came as a little baby. We don’t need a perfect example, we need a savior.”

It isn’t enough that Jesus came as a baby, grew up among us, did miracles, gave us some good principals to live by. Those are all amazing, but the cross is necessary! Because, you see, with one fell swoop God said Karisa I came for you! Reader, I came for you! Oh, the power surging through my fingers as I type this message to you.

I can celebrate Christmas,Â despite the loss of Jonathan this year, because God said that I was worth saving. My son was worth saving. You are worth saving.

How can I not live life to the fullest? How can I not wake my daughter up yesterday morning with the delight of Christmas? How can I not share with you the joy that comes in the midst of my pain and casts despair to the deepest part of the sea? I want you to know thatÂ Jesus came for you, not when youÂ had your act together, but when you didn’t even know that you needed him. HeÂ loved me when I was still forming in my mother’s womb, he valued me whenÂ others abused me, he claimed me when I rejected him atÂ 19,Â and became an anorexic drunk, and he saved me when I was an unwed mother at 20.Â IÂ had grown up hearing about the man called Jesus, but it is only at the foot of the cross that I really saw him for theÂ Son of God!

Open each day like it is a gift and may it be filled with joy that transcends your understanding! Because, God does things that don’t make sense to me and I love him for it. He rescued me in a mind blowing way, and it started with a little baby in a manger, but it did continued all the way to the cross and a grave that could not contain him! Merry Christmas!

Posted November 18, 2014 | Karisa Moore

Isaiah 55:10:9-11 â€¦9″For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts. 10″For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, And do not return there without watering the earth And making it bear and sprout, And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; 11So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.â€¦

You are as unique as each delicate snowflake that adorns our morning. The Lord will accomplish all that he has in mind for us!

I am struck by the amazing creative provision in all we experience each day. Our minds, our hearts, the wonder of snow laced trees. God has a storehouse that we can never come to the end of.

He also creates for our pleasure! From six to ten my family lived just outside of Chicago. Snow was our world! We bundled into snow suits and spent the day sledding, building forts, and amazing snowball fights.

Rather than starting your day, as I have, groaning at the wet frozen stuff that makes commutes a bit longer, and ensures a wet house, why not remember that God provides. What creative ways has God provided for you today or as a stone of remembrance from your past?

Anger is a Natural Emotion, Wrath is Not

Posted November 15, 2014 | Karisa Moore

Romans 12:18-19 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord.

My last session of Biblical Counseling Training started last night. I was trucking along just fine listening to the speakers until the topic of anger began to be discussed. Anger and I go way back and God has done so much healing in this area.

Make room for the wrath of God, “don’t play God”. I was caught off guard by how much the statement about God’s wrath got into the crevices and pulled out anger that I didn’t consciously acknowledge. I sat there with tears pouring down my cheeks. Many of you are well aware that there are those who are responsible for Jonathan’s death. You struggle along side me to forgive, to not wish them ill, and to pray for them.

At moments I have felt the deep freedom of forgiveness and been moved with compassion for my enemy’s brokenness. But to be honest, I stew, I dwell, and plot, trying to do God’s job for him. I want revenge! That is what came to the surface last night. I’ve shared before that I came to the point 10 years ago that I admitted that I did not believe that God was just. This is one more step in the process of accepting that he is God, and I am not. My job is to love the Lord God with all my heart and to love my neighbor as myself. This means providing for, extending grace, and praying for those that God puts in my path. This is the best way to display his glory and accept his goodness to me. Thank you Lord for not treating me like my sins deserve.

The Shortest Route through Grief

Posted November 13, 2014 | Karisa Moore

Turn the Page:

Proverbs 3:5-7Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6In all your ways acknowledge him,…
and he will make straight your paths.
7Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
8It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.

Simple is a loaded word. It carries the weight of my desires, failures, and pleasures. I have complained a lot, through the years, when things break down, or seem to take too long. “Why can’t things be more simple?” Obviously, grief is no exception to the rule. We must go through it if we want to live life to the fullest. If there were a short cut through suffering and loss, I’d take it.

But scripture states clearly that there is! The shortest route between two points is obedience to God. For all of my complaining I am my own worst enemy when it comes to simplifying life. What makes my life more complicated is sin. I don’t want to go through suffering, so I have tried to avoid it, medicate it with alcohol, bad relationships, and running away or fighting my way through. None of which have ever worked. God has offered all of us a shortcut through Christ.

Since the moment the officer arrived on my doorstep with the nightmare of Jonathan’s death I have had a choice. Do I go through grief my way, or God’s way? He told us we would suffer and grieve in this life, but he also promised us that we would be comforted. The short cut is to love the Lord my God with all of my soul, heart, and mind. To lean not on my own understanding, but to acknowledge him in all my ways. God will make my paths straight!

By no means have I fully accomplished this, but it is my goal. When I accomplish the above command, I will go through this grief the shortest route possible and be comforted along the way to boot. Grief will be but a speck! It is when I disobey God and go my own way that things get more complex. Just ask the Israelites who spent forty years wandering through the wilderness when they had had God himself leading the way! If I want a shortcut through grief then I’ll keep my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith.

New Mercies: A room of possibilities

Posted November 12, 2014 | Karisa Moore

Turn the Page:

Lamentations 3:21 But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

…

22The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
23they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24â€œThe Lord is my portion,â€ says my soul,
â€œtherefore I will hope in him.â€

Jeremiah the prophet knew how to mourn. He wrote a whole book on grief. Josiah, the one good king who tried to restore Israel to its faith, is dead. Not a single king after him follows God and Israel is plunged into political and religious decay. Jerusalem has Babylon knocking at its door and the surrounding verses reflect Jeremiah’s own personal grief. In verse 1 he states: I am the man who has seen affliction under the rod of his wrath. . .Like many of us he puts the bad in his life back on his creator. And certainly God allows bad things to happen in our lives. Babylon got in because Israel had long since turned their back on God.

Jeremiah was a reluctant prophet, shy and timid, and yet God used him to do mighty things. He certainly is living in difficult circumstances, but he reminds himself that God is not limited by our circumstances. He will give us a new day!

I mourned as I removed the pictures and things that made this originally Jonathan’s room (before we needed a pink room). I acknowledge the reality of my circumstances. This morning we start with a blank slate and the joy of blessing Daniel reminded me of all the spectacular new days that God gives before me. His mercies never come to an end!

So, as I grieve, as I paint, as I celebrate Daniel today, I remember that God is my portion and therefore I hope in Him!

Grief and Hope

Posts Tagged: god

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