Posts Tagged: hope
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.
Lord, help me to see you as more substantive then my sorrow, my depression. I see the evidence things not seen. I know you are here with me, but it is not enough to fuel my hope.
Father I know that you are good. Like Job I will be able to say that you giveth and take away, but still I will choose to say, blessed is the name of the Lord! But, also like Job I want curse the day I was born.
Master, I was not there when you lay the foundations of the earth! I cannot pretend to know the deep and mighty works of your hand. I cannot count the stars. I do not know how the caterpillar transforms to a butterfly.
I do not understand why you have taken so much from me. I do not pretend to know your purpose in so much grief. I cannot brace myself like a man and face you down like I am on level with you.
Father, I know that you hear my desperate cry! My body is so weary of this life. Daddy, please reveal to me your plan of salvation. Strengthen these bones that you have broken that I might be a witness of your glory! May the world see that you truly bless the believer 10 fold whatever you require from us.
Yes, you break us down, but you build us up on a new foundation–it will not shift like sand! The strength of our new structure of faith is stronger and more beautiful then anything we can build with our own hands. Father I want to be a mighty oak of righteousness, on display for your splendor. May your mighty works be fully met in me, that the world may know that you are a good, mighty, and a just God! Amen.
I feel so small!
Lamentations:320Surely my soul remembers And is bowed down within me. 21This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. 22The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail.…
Matthew 26:38Then He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.”
Sometimes our body betrays our attempts at escaping depression. Chronic pain, chronic insomnia, chronic stress all break down our body. In other words, our body comes into agreement with depression. So when we begin to change our thinking and our actions the body doesn’t always respond, sometimes because of physical illness it will never be able to respond and at times it out and out rebels.
I often joke that I’m so used to chaos that panic ensues when I experience something normal. Anyone who has ever had an addiction can attest to the war between the body and new habits. Caffeine withdraw can cause headaches, because our body becomes used to caffeine and craves it. Our body can crave depression.
Don’t lose heart when the body doesn’t respond to hope or new habits of acting in faith. Keep forming new ways of thinking, interact with humanity because it IS the right thing to do, not because it feels right. Do what is good, even if the body betrays you.
I cannot turn the page on suicide alone. None of us can. I value your experiences, your challenges, the depth of your own sorrows and your resilience! Please do not hesitate to contact me with your concerns, suggestions and experiences of hope in the midst of grief or depression.
Thank you for reading and turning the page on suicide with me!
Sincerely,
Karisa
May I sit awhile and warm my soul in your eyes? Eyes
crackling and popping with stories stirred by
my need for hope. Hope boasting
of losses gained and tragic victories;
Of dreams, love and faith.
Faith refusing to be dampened by despair, quiet
constant discipline battling the reality of death.
Death is in your eyes. Eyes raised from
grave circumstances. Circumstances
are snuffing out my flame! Flame now fanned
by the passionate compassion of your hope. Hope
fueling my soul with logs of endurance, sparking
life in my dimmed eyes. Eyes that others ask to sit awhile
and warm their cold souls with the fire of my hope.
Today is the day of my second Out of the Darkness Walk. My team is assembled and so far we have raised over $500 dollars. Walking to Turn the Page on Suicide is filled with hope! It may be one by one that we bring others out of the darkness, depression and suicide struggles are unique to each person, but this illness forces us to see others as individuals. There is no formula that will fix the epidemic. Three things I know are absolutes–LOVE, FAITH, and HOPE. Without these three core values I will falter and fail.
I was reminded this week that sometimes my need for immediate results makes me so short sighted. God’s perspective is above time and I can’t see two inches away from my face. Galatians 6:9-10:
9Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. 10So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.
Love, faith and hope are in this race for the long haul! Not a short sprint. Jesus came so that we may have life, abundant life and for some of us it takes time for us to accept abundant life. He was willing to go into places that “clean” people just wouldn’t go. Are you and I willing to do the same? Remember, as we offer all that we have to one lost sheep, we know that we do not walk alone.
It took me 20 years to accept abundant life. Many men and women planted seeds along the way. Some of them do not know how valuable there moments with me were, but I do! The Holy Spirit went ahead of these Christians to plow the hardened field of my heart so that one day a little plant emerged, then another, and then another. As I walk today planting seeds in the dark ground of depression and suicide, I hope, I love, and I have faith . . .
Proverbs 3:…4I was crying to the LORD with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah. 5I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.
Night defiantly whispers,
“No rest here. “Â And sleep
steals the covers,
tauntingly tapping tic-tock
on your brain.
Scripture is like a father’s
bedtime story to his child,
like a mother’s lullaby.
Remembered promises,
experienced and witnessed, repeat hope
in the cell of circumstances,
fluff pillows and prepare the heart
to receive just enough.
God tucks the soul
beneath the blanket of his wings
and feeds truth and comfort, though
our fallen bodies fail us.
Suicidal thought
straining breath from finer hope
–Sieve of coarse fortune.
Hebrews 12:2 …fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
How do we turn the page on the darkness of suicide? Sometimes it feels like we are fighting an invisible and silent monster that steals our children, our spouse, our friend right out from under us. It can happen in an instant or a long drawn out torture over years. Suicide is brutal and depression relentless. My depression started at age 6, and I still feel its claws attempting to draw me backwards into oblivion at age 40. The monster keeps us from our purpose in this life being fulfilled. It may be my thorn in the flesh, but Christ is my light, my sword and my compass. The relationship he has built with me since the age of 20 has proved to me that there is purpose in my sufferings.
Christ suffered our most pervasive sorrows. He hungered, he thirsted, and he was wounded. He was deeply burdened by the state of humanity, he got very little sleep, he was persecuted, and abandoned by those who should have loved and understood his mission the most. The cross loomed before him and he grew more deeply depressed the closer he got to the cross. In a way despair was the final temptation of Christ. It almost killed him before he made it to the cross. And from the cross he cried, “Daddy, why have you abandoned me?” Isn’t that at the heart of our rejection of God, we want to be rescued from our despair. And if he doesn’t we believe he isn’t able or a cruel God. But . . .
Joy is set before us. What did Jesus have as his finish line? His joy was being with his father! Oh dear reader can I share that joy with you? When the Lord and his pleasure in us is set in our minds we can bear any cross! If you have never experienced your heavenly father in such a way to motivate you in this life, here are just a few reasons why he is our joy.
- Hebrews 2:9-10 We will be crowned with glory and honor in heaven and are made perfect.
- John 14:2 God’s house there are many dwelling places prepared for us.
- Ephesians 1:3 Blessed us with every spiritual blessing
- Revelation 21:22 And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. 23And the city has no need of the sun or of the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God has illumined it, and its lamp is the Lamb. 24The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it.…
- Isaiah 60:20 Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.
Oh for such a day when sorrow ends! I can take hope and not lose heart when my eyes are fixed on the things of heaven. I encourage you to taste and see that the Lord is good in your suffering. Jesus said that if you have seen me, then you have seen the father. (John 14:7) The monster of suicide and depression is no match for the light of heaven. Lets set the joy of being with God before us.
Cradled within the womb of death, scripture beats defiant.
Lean in, to discern hope’s unfolding;
multiplying cells of truth over pregnant centuries. Giving
breath to us, too often, dragged to the grave.Â
Soothing empty arms,
with strong proof of life after life.
So soft, it is thunder in the vast
noise of doubt’s marketplace.
Firming
backbone to bow
to no man.
Resolving who knit whom together.
Renewing covenant with an empty
grave.
Our souls
swollen with
grief—for but a while.
National Suicide Hotline
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/