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Posts Tagged: suicide

Seeing the Bouquets Beyond Dispair

Posted April 15, 2015 | Karisa Moore

John 10:10 The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.–Jesus

“Sorry, my ADD is kicking in.” I apologized, acknowledging that I was distracted fromÂ listening because my attention wasÂ focusedÂ on the beautiful flower bouquetsÂ she had in her office. I was delighted by how well they coordinated with her purple blazer.

She smiled and laughed, “That’s your creativity shining through, certainly not something to apologize for.” My eyes widened, I had never thought of my distraction like that.

“Those flowers were here yesterday and you are the first person to mention noticing them. And probably the only person who will notice them. I hadn’t even noticed that my blazer coordinated with them. I take the expansion of your attention to the room as a sign of healing, not weakness.” She encouraged. “Most people when they first come into my office look down and can’t even look at me. As they begin to heal they begin looking at me and then beyond.”

How depression shrinks our world. Until the only thing that we smell, hear, taste, see, feel, is the sweat of our own fear, hear the loud ramblings of our own thoughts, taste the bitterness of our failures, see that we are alone, and feel disconnected from a huge world of possibilities. If you are in that place, may my testimony encourage you! It is because of one step, and then another, and then another that I came to place that even when my worst nightmare came true I can still declare that life is worth living.

May we journey together in looking up and seeing the beauty beyond our nightmares. Talk with me and let me know how you are doing.

Learning that not Everything in the Universe is tied to my Son’s Suicide

Posted April 13, 2015 | Karisa Moore

The kids and I were itching to plant some flowers, so a quick stop at our local garden center yielded some beautiful flower booty. I don’t usually get blue flowers, but I was craving some blue. Maybe because it was Jonathan’s favorite color. Blue was slim pickings this early in the season, but I managed to find some and when I pulled out the tab, this is what I read:

REALLY! Is this some sick joke or simply a product namer (could have been me) who thought up a clever double meaning for these blue morning glories. If it weren’t for the way my son died, I might have actually have found this clever and funny. Instead, I stood there numb and reliving my son’s death.

When someone has had a severe physically injury, and the nerve endings begin to grow back they are super sensitive to touch. The brain and nerves have to work together to properly interpret what is really felt.Â If you have emotional trauma, or PTSD it is very similar, youÂ may notÂ interpret what’s happening correctly. My brain has a tendency to relive trauma and I have toÂ take those thoughts captive and speak truth over them.Â Yes, my son used a gun, and it hurts like hell to know he felt so hopeless, but that has nothing to do with this moment of picking out flowers. This is about living! These are blue morning glories, and a symbol of God making all things new! God, thank you for the beauty of Spring and the delight of planning flowers with my children. This is truly a special moment I am choosing to turn the page!

Dusty Realities

Posted | Karisa Moore

Dreams–dusty realities

removing time and distance

Like a movement of dissidence,Â tucked intoÂ a symphony of

reason.Â You are a memory that makes no sense,Â resurrected by heartache,

sewnÂ together by longing, until the persistent alarmÂ shatters my dreams

to a heavy concrete world without you.

Christians, MacGyvers of Faith: Using our God given Resources in all circumstances

Posted March 30, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Christians are “MacGyvers”. Doubt me? Check out Acts 16 for an action packed escape from prison. PauI and Silas blew up the gates with hymens and prayer.

Today, I started re-watching MacGyver, one of my favorite shows as a kid. He got out of some pretty tight spots and saved the day a lot. I used to wish that I could create things out of gum, paperclips, string and of course, his trusty Swiss Army Knife. As a Christian, I too have to use the resources at hand, to get through trials. Paul says, “I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.” (Philippians 4:12)â€‹ Sometimes my faith leads me on missions that test the limits of what is humanly possible. The loss of my precious son on this earth, certainly qualifies. Turning the Page on Suicide, my mission, won’t be solved in an hour. I am having to use everything that God has taught me, and acknowledge where I am weak. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

My toolkit includes:

Bible

Prayer

Church

Experiences

Holy Spirit

Brothers and Sisters in Christ

You could say that my Swiss Army Knife is the Bibleâ€”useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. (2 Tim 3:16) My gum and paperclips are the experiences I have of God’s faithfulness, and prayer is my life-line in all situations. But, unlike MacGyver, I never work alone. The Holy Spirit guides me to the tools that I need, and is currently helping me in the circumstances of being a survivor of suicide. God is proving himself faithful and that he does not leave me to figure out my plan alone.

So no, I may not have to unstrap myself from a bomb that is about to detonate, but I do have some pretty difficult circumstances to navigate, however long I’m here on earth. Some Christians are called to stand in some pretty hot fiery furnaces. That takes all the resources God has to help me and like MacGyver, I must open my eyes to all the possible tools at my disposal.

Jonathan’s Hope

Posted March 10, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Dear Reader,

Today I start a new page of my journey. My son’s suicide is a part of my story, and you too may suffer this deep heartache, but suicide doesn’t have to be a part of another parent, friend,Â or spouse’s story. We can Turn the Page on Suicide by being a light in the darkness.

In my sidebar is a link of resources that will now be named Jonathan’s Hope. I ask that if you come across anything that is making an impact in Turning the Page on Suicide, that you will send the link to me and I will add it to Jonathan’s Hope.Â I’m not in your community andÂ I want the resources to be as local as possible. My hope is that we can build a network of hope across the country.

Thank you for working with me to Turn the Page on Suicide and offer hope to others like Jonathan.

Love and Hope to you all,

bkmoore

Jesus Redefined Death with His Beautiful Blood

Posted March 8, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Today was all about death. God revealed his active role in my circumstances through worship. I heard the song “Beautiful Blood” by Kutless for the first time this morning, and I cocked my head in disbelief. It referred to death as being sweet. For someone mourning the tragic death of her son to suicide, the opening line was not something I am easily inclined to accept. My spirit is resistant to stating anything about death as beautiful. Death is our brokenness, death is our bodies breaking down, death ends our connection to our loved ones, death is cancer, death is loneliness, death is final.

My pastor called death a bully this morning! Jesus’ friend Lazarus had been dead for four days, and it was impossible to come back from. Death didn’t even have the decency to spare Jesus’ best friend! Why in the world didn’t Jesus save his friend while he still lived? Like Mary and Martha I want to cry out. Say the word Jesus and my son is healed, say the word Jesus and my marriage is restored. You know that I love you, you know that I follow you. Don’t I deserve something extra? Thomas, Jesus’ disciple, responds to the death of their friend by saying, “Let us also go, that we may die with him. Oh, I have never understood Thomas’ grief more than now (John 11).

You and I may struggle to look beyond death, but Jesus has heaven in view the whole time.

He comforts the sisters of Lazarus and his disciples with these words, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” Oh Jesus, I want to believe, help me with my unbelief! Jesus had raised others from the dead, but not after four days in the tomb. The other miracles could be explained away, but not Lazarus walking out of the grave alive. While everyone was celebrating the miracle, Jesus had signed his death warrant.

Today is all about life beyond death because Jesus’ chose death on a cross, in my place. His death is beautiful because he died while I could do nothing about it. I was still caught in sin and he chose me! So his blood is beautiful because I know that my son’s suicide is not the end of my story. God will be glorified.

Suicide Has a Face: Learning to Offer Hope

Posted March 4, 2015 | Karisa Moore

As a survivor of suicide, there is nothing that makes me recoil worse than hearing, “Sometimes there is nothing that you can do, if someone wants to kill themselves then they will find a way.” The speakerÂ is talking about some abstract, undefined person–not my son. Gratefully I have not heard that too many times, but I have heard it. I have not had the strength to respond until now, not out of condemnation, but out of a desire to offer hope and healing to deeply wounded souls and educate those that desire to help.

My son wanted to live! Everything he was doing, everything that he was planning for was to live a long life. Ironically I’d have to say that I would have fit the above statement better than Jonathan. I made repeated attempts on my life, he made one. I am still here because there were people who never stopped offering me hope inÂ little and big ways, no matter what I might do.

That is the thing, the above statement always comes after someone takes their life. I believe that the speaker is trying to understand something too horrific to ever comprehend. Suicide is not something that we will ever be able to stuff into a box and say, this is what it is! I left no note, Jonathan left a note, some suffer from physical causes, others depression. Our suffering may be different, but the one thing that we all need is HOPE!

Don’t ever stop offering it to me, to those around you just because the task seems daunting or impossible. GodÂ is a god of the impossible! Jesus saw our suffering and mourned with us, brought healing, and hope to those that others claimed were without redemption. I will cling to that hope, because in my darkest days it is my sunshine.

Wanting to be Heaven Minded So that I am Earthly Good

Posted March 1, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Colossians 3:1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

“They are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good.”, is a falseÂ saying! Yesterday I was atÂ a funeral for a man who was an interracial part of our community, our state, and our lives. Even the Governor and Senator came to pay their respects. Mike’s son shared, “It was not all the things that he did to improve our lives that made him a great man, it was the fact that he loved the Lord his God, with all his heart, soul and mind.” Mike was heavenly minded! I contend, that if your mind is truly on the things of heaven then you will be doing the greatest good here on earth.

I have a son in heaven! To say that he has turned my head towards heaven is an understatement. Jonathan’s death has made me cling to the only one who gave me love, value, purpose and meaning in the first place. Jonathan’s death has forced me to renew the foundation that Christ laid, to strengthen it, and to fix my eyes on Him. Jonathan’s death has increased my longing for things above, and I pray that my longing grows deeper. I want to be heaven minded, because this earth deserves nothing less than my best!

Frankenstein’s Snowman

Posted February 22, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Our longings are poured out.

Shaped intoÂ memories and crafted

moments with you. BuiltÂ out

ofÂ snowflakes, Legos and

tears.Â Bringing to life

our smiles.

Welcome, New Page Turners!

Posted February 16, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Dear Page Turner,

Today my page has been filled to the brim and running over.Â I wanted to take a moment to welcome the newcomers, thank you for your comments and support. As this blog grows it is my hope that it becomes a resource, encouragement, and lifeline to those effected by suicide and depression. Which, I am finding, touches just about all of us in some way. You may have a friend, loved one or even a complete stranger that you are concerned for. Don’t hesitate to reach out, be present, or sit with them. Be sure to vote in the poll I have set up.Â Your answersÂ will help me to formÂ content for new posts, and create resources for you as you engage those around you. Feel free to share it with your readers.

Continue to write your open page turners, I want to read what happens next.

Sincerely,

Karisa

Posts Tagged: suicide

You and I may struggle to look beyond death, but Jesus has heaven in view the whole time.

National Suicide Hotline