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Seeing the Bouquets Beyond Dispair

Posted April 15, 2015 | Karisa Moore

John 10:10 The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.–Jesus

“Sorry, my ADD is kicking in.” I apologized, acknowledging that I was distracted fromÂ listening because my attention wasÂ focusedÂ on the beautiful flower bouquetsÂ she had in her office. I was delighted by how well they coordinated with her purple blazer.

She smiled and laughed, “That’s your creativity shining through, certainly not something to apologize for.” My eyes widened, I had never thought of my distraction like that.

“Those flowers were here yesterday and you are the first person to mention noticing them. And probably the only person who will notice them. I hadn’t even noticed that my blazer coordinated with them. I take the expansion of your attention to the room as a sign of healing, not weakness.” She encouraged. “Most people when they first come into my office look down and can’t even look at me. As they begin to heal they begin looking at me and then beyond.”

How depression shrinks our world. Until the only thing that we smell, hear, taste, see, feel, is the sweat of our own fear, hear the loud ramblings of our own thoughts, taste the bitterness of our failures, see that we are alone, and feel disconnected from a huge world of possibilities. If you are in that place, may my testimony encourage you! It is because of one step, and then another, and then another that I came to place that even when my worst nightmare came true I can still declare that life is worth living.

May we journey together in looking up and seeing the beauty beyond our nightmares. Talk with me and let me know how you are doing.

Learning that not Everything in the Universe is tied to my Son’s Suicide

Posted April 13, 2015 | Karisa Moore

The kids and I were itching to plant some flowers, so a quick stop at our local garden center yielded some beautiful flower booty. I don’t usually get blue flowers, but I was craving some blue. Maybe because it was Jonathan’s favorite color. Blue was slim pickings this early in the season, but I managed to find some and when I pulled out the tab, this is what I read:

REALLY! Is this some sick joke or simply a product namer (could have been me) who thought up a clever double meaning for these blue morning glories. If it weren’t for the way my son died, I might have actually have found this clever and funny. Instead, I stood there numb and reliving my son’s death.

When someone has had a severe physically injury, and the nerve endings begin to grow back they are super sensitive to touch. The brain and nerves have to work together to properly interpret what is really felt.Â If you have emotional trauma, or PTSD it is very similar, youÂ may notÂ interpret what’s happening correctly. My brain has a tendency to relive trauma and I have toÂ take those thoughts captive and speak truth over them.Â Yes, my son used a gun, and it hurts like hell to know he felt so hopeless, but that has nothing to do with this moment of picking out flowers. This is about living! These are blue morning glories, and a symbol of God making all things new! God, thank you for the beauty of Spring and the delight of planning flowers with my children. This is truly a special moment I am choosing to turn the page!

Give Impossible Circumstances to the God of Possibilities

Posted April 8, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Turning My Page

Impossible Circumstances are no match for

Edgar Allen Poe dug up Annabel Lee . . . or so the ghost tour guide in Charleston, South Carolina wanted us to believe. Often times we take bits of truth, such as Poe wrote a lot about dying women and he is shrouded in mystery and blow them up into legends.

Behind Poe’s poetry on death was a real person, who himself may have been stuck in grieving and trying to figure out, is death the final blow. His father abandoned him, and his mother died when he was only 3. His siblings were split up and his foster family was tumultuous at best.

He did not have guidance into firm and secure adulthood and, I believe, became stuck in an impulsive and impetuous childhood as an adult. He tended to alienate others because he had a sharp tongue and used it often. Drinking and gambling became two of his fallbacks when life was not going his way. He could neither manage success nor enjoy it. Poe’s life seemed destined to fail. His final words were reported to be, “Lord, help my poor soul.”

We have a real enemy who loves to attack our children. Jesus warns that the punishment is severe for those who harm our children (Matthew 18). Some of us have been born into abusive families, some of us endure hardship after hardship, and some of us have chosen our own destructive path. I am working on reading the Bible cover to cover this year and one thing is clear: GOD IS NOT LIMITED BY OUR CIRCUMSTANCES! From Adam to the end God turns the darkest of circumstances around. Rahab the prostitute is in the lineage of Jesus, Joseph the slave, saves his family who sold him into slavery, Roman occupation into the stage for a cross, a death, and a resurrection.

Poe, like many of us, could not see the possibilities beyond his circumstances. I tell you the truth, not even death can stop us! Jesus’ enemies thought that by cutting off the head the disciples would fall apart. They were almost right, the disciples could not see past their fears or the grave. But, when Jesus arose and continued ministering and preparing the disciples, this band of rag-a-muffins became a powerhouse of restoration to the sick, poor, lost, hungry and all those whose circumstances seemed impossible! So, don’t think for a second that what you are experiencing is beyond hope.

Turning the Page on Saturday: Embracing the Resurrection power of Sunday

Posted April 5, 2015 | Karisa Moore

“It is Only for the Weekend” was the sermon title at my in-laws church. God, who is not limited, doesn’t even operate in the limits of time, takes our circumstances whether good or bad and declares that they are temporary. Even death is now an unpredictable outcome for those who believe.

On our drive home Brian and I agreed that the heartache of missing Jonathan sure didn’t feel like only a weekend. “Feels like we are stuck on Saturday.” Brian said. Maybe your circumstances are like ours and you feel stuck in pain, your job, your life, your loss. The resurrection hasn’t happened or become an active part of our thinking, living,Â and dying.Â We are confused and reeling from plans not of our own making. We want to hide away, cry out, shake our fist at a God for allowing such agony into our lives. We would not map out the same path.

This is exactly how the disciples behaved after the crucifixion, the Romans guarded the tomb just in case the disciples tried to steal the body. They needn’t worry–the disciples were stuck on Saturday. When they started getting reports that Jesus was alive, most of the 12Â did not go running to the tomb to confirm that it was empty and that Christ was indeed resurrected. They were in disbelief, and that was where they were likely going to stay if Jesus himself hadn’t walked through the door. I mean that literally, he waked through the closed and locked door.

Does Jesus have to walk through the closed and locked door of my heart for me to accept that his plan for my future is a good one? Or do I declare with my hands open to the heavens “BUT, SUNDAY!” The resurrection isn’t just an event that happened in history, it happens today when believers see the risen Christ in their lives and are transformed.

Lord, open my mind, heart, and soul to Sunday and help me to Turn the Page on Saturday! Amen.

Love is a State of Being Not a State of Doing

Posted April 4, 2015 | Karisa Moore

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4.Â ____________is patient and kind;Â ___________ does not envy or boast;Â __________ is not arrogant 5or rude.Â __________ does not insist on its own way;Â ___________ is not irritable or resentful;^b 6Â ___________does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7___________ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8___________ never fails.

Put your name in the blank.

1 Corinthians 13 is known as the love chapter and is often quoted at weddings. But, what would happen if we put our name in the place of love? After all God is love. (1 John 4:8) How would it change us if we could say that love is not something that we do, but our state of being. Our very DNA is made of love!

There seems to be a clear shift in the disciples because they experienced first hand the love of God, through Jesus Christ.Â My first experience with God, he opened my eyes toÂ his love forÂ me.Â I could now see it in creation, in those around me, in scripture, in worship.Â The reason why scripture speaks ofÂ putting on our new selves is that love changes us, how we interact with the world, how we see ourselves and others.Â When someone lovesÂ at this level it is head turning!

So much ofÂ how we love is based upon what we do, not who we are.

Do you do romantic things for your spouse?

Do you speak kind words?

Do you provide encouragement for others?

Do you serve others?

Do you give to the poor?

Do you share your faith?

Paul is challenging the believer to stop doing, and start being love! Putting my name in the place where love is causes me to stop striving and start abiding in the love of Christ. Love does not just go out it is always comingÂ in through our relationship with Jesus. Only then can we be love, rather then a to do list.

Hope Planted in the Soil of Grief

Posted March 31, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Children’s laughter

echoes Spring into

the window of my wintered heart.

Never quite thawed, never

shaking myself of the death that keeps my hands

cold.

I cannot bring to life that which I long for

I resurrect dreams until they are nightmares

and hold tight, until Edgar Allen Poe is not quite

so frightening.

Yet, I cannot spring to life that which I long for

Not quite a year since you were planted in

soil that would bear no fruit.

Yet I refuse a baron field

Death is filled with stubborn seeds of potential

I tend the garden of my grief

until Winter loosens its grip and I reap a good harvest of hope

that will warm my soul.

A Debt I Cannot Pay: Showing mercy when I am owed a debt

Posted | Karisa Moore

Matthew 18:35 This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.

Question: How many times should I forgive?

Answer: As many times as it takes for you to realize that I forgave you first. (Karisa paraphrase)

(Matthew 18:21-35 Parable of the Unmerciful Servant)

As I step towards forgiving those who hurt my son,Â the first thing I am reminded of is that God chose to forgive me. Somewhere in the midst of court hearings, bad counseling, and heart ache I lost sight of the awe that God forgive me. I saw awe, because that is what I felt in the beginning. God loved me and forgave me a debt I could not repay. Little by little pride took over and now I have to repent of thoughts that I am somehow better than those who have caused my great sorrow.Â I am a liar, an adulterer, idol worshipper, thief and many other things that God poured out mercy over. At the heart of un-forgiveness is pride!

It easy to pick and choose who we want to see punished when their sins are unhidden, but scripture clearly states that ALL have fallen short of the glory of God and the punishment for sin is death. (Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23) Romans 6:23. In Jesus’ Matthew 18:21 parable heÂ gives insight to how heaven treats forgiveness.

God settles his account with all of us (vs. 23)
He is just and will demand us to repay what we owe him (vs. 24)
We all have a debt we cannot repay (vs. 25)
It is God’s decision whether or not to extend us grace (vs. 27)
He will not tolerate us squandering his mercy (vs.32)
He expects us to be merciful to those who owe us debt they cannot repay because he forgave our debt (vs33)
We are to forgive the sins of others from our heart (vs. 35)

In a world that emphasis revenge, forgiveness and mercy is unusual! Oh Lord make me unusual!

Christians, MacGyvers of Faith: Using our God given Resources in all circumstances

Posted March 30, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Christians are “MacGyvers”. Doubt me? Check out Acts 16 for an action packed escape from prison. PauI and Silas blew up the gates with hymens and prayer.

Today, I started re-watching MacGyver, one of my favorite shows as a kid. He got out of some pretty tight spots and saved the day a lot. I used to wish that I could create things out of gum, paperclips, string and of course, his trusty Swiss Army Knife. As a Christian, I too have to use the resources at hand, to get through trials. Paul says, “I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.” (Philippians 4:12)â€‹ Sometimes my faith leads me on missions that test the limits of what is humanly possible. The loss of my precious son on this earth, certainly qualifies. Turning the Page on Suicide, my mission, won’t be solved in an hour. I am having to use everything that God has taught me, and acknowledge where I am weak. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

My toolkit includes:

Bible

Prayer

Church

Experiences

Holy Spirit

Brothers and Sisters in Christ

You could say that my Swiss Army Knife is the Bibleâ€”useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. (2 Tim 3:16) My gum and paperclips are the experiences I have of God’s faithfulness, and prayer is my life-line in all situations. But, unlike MacGyver, I never work alone. The Holy Spirit guides me to the tools that I need, and is currently helping me in the circumstances of being a survivor of suicide. God is proving himself faithful and that he does not leave me to figure out my plan alone.

So no, I may not have to unstrap myself from a bomb that is about to detonate, but I do have some pretty difficult circumstances to navigate, however long I’m here on earth. Some Christians are called to stand in some pretty hot fiery furnaces. That takes all the resources God has to help me and like MacGyver, I must open my eyes to all the possible tools at my disposal.

Invited into the Garden of Trust: Jesus Trusted His Heavenly Father Completely

Posted March 28, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Matthew: 26: 36Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, â€œSit here, while I go over there and pray.â€ 37And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38Then he said to them, â€œMy soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch^d with me.â€ 39And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, â€œMy Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.â€

I’ve been invited into the garden. Not for a girly tea party, nice as those are, but invited to drink a cup of my Father’s will. Two years ago, the Holy Spirit began leading me to the garden, I thought it was teach me forgiveness, but now in the midst of grief, confusion, and a loss I physically cannot bear I finally understand. God was inviting me to trust him completely.

What does it mean to trust God completely?

PuttingÂ God’sÂ will first (vs. 36)
Obedience ( vs. 39,42)
Seeing that God is sovereign inÂ ALL circumstances (vs. 39, 42)
Allowing the Holy Spirit to lead me (vs. 41)
Â Acknowledging my will as well as his (vs. 39)

Jesus was in the habit (discipline)Â of praying in the garden! (Luke 22:39), How many of us, when facing the most difficult trial stick to ourÂ routine of talking to God?Â He went to the gardenÂ not out of sudden desperation, but out of steady consistency.Â Â His prayer was raw, real, and vulnerable. He gave insight into his state of mind, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” Sometimes our will verses God’s will takes us to the brink of death. Our flesh wants its way! This isn’t some lightweight battle, the enemy of our soul knows exactly what he is doing! It is okay to ask the heavenly father for our will to be done, even while we submit to His will completely. The Holy Spirit ministers to us in our weakness. through prayer, keeping watch, discipline, even with those we long to support us fall away in their own weakness.

From Psalm 37 I learn these building blocks of God’s will:

Trust
Delight
Commit
Be Still
Wait patiently
Refrain
Turn
Hope
Consider

As I practice these 9 steps I will find that forgiveness happens out of my God given new spirit, and as I am in the garden, I will be able to trust in everything that I have learned about my heavenly father. Then I will be able to drink the cup of his will completely.