Posts Tagged: depression

Changing Lens of Depression

Change the Lens of Depression

Change my Lens of Depression

I need to change my lens of depression.

Depression is a poor lens
through which to filter existence.
Always bringing into focus
the wrong subject matter.
Macro sizing doubts and fears and blurring
hope and possibility.

God, you expand my black-and-white world,
revealing the vivid spectrum of colors.
Transforming possibility
through the lens of your love.

Depression is a poor lens
through which to filter relationships.
Always bringing into focus
the hidden thought behind motives.
Macro sizing negative opinions and
minimizing tangible truth.

God, you show me we are all sinners
desperately needing the development
of our negative image.

Depression is a poor lens
through which to zoom in on faults.
Constantly removing from focus
our value and expecting perfection. 
Macro sizing disappointment
and downsizing grace. 

God, you show me the ugliness of when I hurt others
and give me the opportunity for repentance
and retakes. 

You change the lens of depression
and help me to see the bigger picture of
your love for mankind.

 

For Further Reading

Uncrushed by Beth Marshall

Freedom Starts With Hope

Standing Firm in Faith

Standing Firm in Faith

Standing Firm in Faith Is Not a Guarantee For Long Life on Earth, But it is a Guarantee For Eternal Life in Heaven.

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time, casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you. Be sober and self-controlled. Be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Withstand him steadfast in your faith, knowing that your brothers who are in the world are undergoing the same sufferings.

But may the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a little while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.

(1 Peter 5:7-11 WEB).

No matter how many years I have lived this life without my son, the event of July 1st still exists. How am I standing firm in faith when what I hoped for did not come to fruition? I know now what I didn’t know on June 30th, 2014. Life was hard, but there was also laughter and joy. Jonathan’s soul was deeply troubled, but I hoped he would find peace. Please hear me, all of you who battle with depression day in and day out,

SUICIDE DOES NOT END THE BATTLE. IT SPREADS IT!

My son’s choice affects me daily. His friends live differently, some better and some worse. Jonathan’s death complicated his siblings’ lives. The people who would have loved him and been loved by him have a space where he should have been known. Many of us have to decide, on any given day, to turn the page on Jonathan’s actions and choose something different.

I understand despair; my wrists bear the permanent marks of my own battles as a teen. But God took a broken, self-destructive young woman, changed, and convinced her to place hope in His presence, His plan, and His provision for her life.  I continue to choose hope, even after Jonathan’s suicide, because trouble in this life is a given, but this isn’t all there is. I am standing firm in faith because a sovereign God entered my mess, and I cannot deny it. He mourns with me and has shown himself trustworthy on my worst day.

I have learned in these ten years of grieving with hope that, yes, the enemy very much means suicide for evil. He planned to crush as many souls as possible with my son’s suicide. But that is all Satan can do—plan.

You and I have the choice of whether to agree with that plan.

I choose to cast all of my anxiety on God. I am standing firm in faith because others are suffering in the same battle with despair. The devil will not devour me, and I pray to strengthen many of you by standing firm in the gospel. In return, God is taking my bone-crushing sorrow and transforming it into a beautiful head-turning butterfly. I am encouraged by many of you who also testify that life, even life plagued by despair, is worth living!

Buy one, Give one.

Find Turn the Page: Devotions to Help the Griever Hope on Amazon and wherever books are sold. One more way I am shouting with every ounce of my being, we Turn the Page on Suicide together! Stand firm in faith.

Turn The Page, Devotions to Help the Griever With Hope

Learning How to Grieve and Comfort Well

 

Iron Out Despair

Iron Out Despair

Iron Out Despair

Wrinkled, unkempt, weary.
Sometimes, the sluggishness of despair,
refuses to stumble out of bed, prepare, or
repair you.

Do the things that made you, you, make you, You,
and will make you YOU again.
Despite the distorted reflection blinking
blankly back, you are still sculpted by a master artist.
Love. Be loved.
Live a plump life, hoping in what you do not yet see.

Once again, run barefoot with giggling wonder.
Know nothing can deplete joy of secure identity.

Splash cool water over wethered soul.
Comb out compassion, understanding, and faithfulness.
Iron out despair again and again,
until dis-repair gets the clue that
you have formed a habit of knowing
who and whose you are.

 

Resource:

Your Hope-Filled Perspective Podcast

A weekly podcast by Neuro-Psychologist Dr. Michelle Bengtson
I have read three of her books, listened to her podcast, and am a regular listener. Today, Dr. Bengtson suggested that those wanting to help people dealing with chronic illness to actively reach out because, often, a chronic sufferer will not ask for help. Example: “I’m headed to the grocery store. What can I pick up for you?”

Trying to make a change in your self-care? Read: Deflate the Bed and Give Me Life

The Evidence of Your Love

Somewhere between presence and depression
I stopped being and started doing.
Repeated lies and nursed wounds.

I checked out of Hotel Truth and
checked into the flea-infested Motel Fear.
There was no room service. No one changed the sheets
of self-loathing and cynicism I slept in day after day. I drank the
amber whisky of my own thoughts and called the burn enlightenment.

The knock was insistent, acknowledging my existence. Disrupted my
pathetic pattern.

The knock reached into the shadows of isolation.
“Hello?”
The knock again.
I cringed as if hit. “Go away!”
I hugged the closest bottle like it would ward
off the intruder.
The knock again was gentle violence to my demons.

The barrier to my soul shattered. Painfully stripped of all dignity
I was afraid you would reject me.

You came into my filth and saw me. All of me.
You, Oh Lord, washed me, clothed me in righteousness.
Confusion doesn’t even begin to explain that moment. I was so
secure in my destruction. You were secure in my salvation. Everything
shifted. My worldview, my understanding of grace, justice, flesh. But I wanted
your presence. Wanted you to fill me with your light until I craved nothing else.

You came into my dark world and prepared a banquet. I’m invited! You’re invited! Come! Come and
see what the Lord has done for me!

Grieving with hope

Lessons in Perseverance

He remembers his covenant forever, the word that he commanded, for a thousand generations

(Psalm 105:8 ESV).

Turning My Page

My grandmother giggled like a teenage girl. Her whole being exuded joy at both hanging the sheets out to dry and investing in the lives of those around her. One summer, I spent several weeks with her and heard stories never shared with me before. Behind that giggle was a whole lot of suffering. It was impressed upon me that she had resilience. At the time, I was an Eyore, focused on the gloomy clouds constantly hovering over my life, and had little to no ability to bounce back. Still, I soaked up her stories and wondered how she could have such a great attitude, praise God for her blessings, and serve others wherever God placed her.

So much of Grandma’s life was deeply hard. Her father died when she was three, and when her mother remarried, her stepfather wasn’t keen on the extra baggage of a daughter. She passed from relative to relative until her siblings started arriving, and then she was brought back home to help raise her brother and sisters. She did not hold a grudge. When she was older, she endured the devastating loss of two sisters, who died because they got caught in a whirlpool and drowned. Grandma lived through the great depression, wars, and a husband who was a harsh and unforgiving man.

He had softened as a grandfather, and I only caught glimpses of his stubbornness, but I could tell she loved him with every fiber of her being. She lost a grandson who lived with her for a while when his parents discarded him to suicide. I didn’t understand then, but I do now how profoundly the loss of my cousin broke her heart.

Yet, despite all of these experiences, she laughed and celebrated life to the fullest. She shared her faith with me at a little white church in the country. She played cards with me and taught me how to make buttermilk toast when she was sick. I loved her tea, her stories, and everything about this five-foot-nothing, once curly-haired redhead. What I didn’t understand then, I know now as a believer in Christ.

I can now laugh, celebrate, and live life to the fullest, whatever circumstances may come because I recognize that Joy and Sorrow are beautiful companions. Death does not end my story. It is only a part of the story.

Turning Your Page

Start observing joy coupled with sorrow where you are. Who around you is an example of someone who lives life to the fullest amid hardship? What characteristics do you observe about them? Ask them to share the reason for their hope. Ask them what scriptures are foundational to how they live with sorrow and joy at the same time.

Learning to walk with sorrow and joy simultaneously is not easy. Often, our selfish and worldly desires get in the way. A simpler life, with no troubles at all, would be nice, but remembering that God sees you and has kept his covenant to all who believe in Him, what we experience in this life is but a blink. Living life to the fullest is possible because Jesus bridges the gap of our sinful nature and teaches us to take up our cross daily. Here are some other passages to help you practice joy in sorrow.

 

“Trouble and anguish have found me out, but your commandments are my delight” (Psalm 119:143 ESV).

“‘Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour'” (John 12:27 ESV).

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV).

“‘Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid'” (John 14:27 ESV).

 

Lord, thank you for the many examples throughout scripture and in my life who exemplify your attitude of joy amid great hardship. May I take comfort and share that comfort with others because you waste nothing.

No Longer Unraveled

Askew,
The world pulled the thread
of my fragile existence, and I
unraveled to nothing.

God found
a lump of thread unsure
of use.
Colored fragments of  His
image.

Unhindered by my
knotted abuse
He untangled and restored order.

Knit me together, humming
tenderly as He wove my new life,
pink with purpose.

Woven into a tapestry of eternity.
I am a sturdy cord of three strands,
no longer alone.

Seized by the Gospel

Pressed between the simplicity of your call, “Come follow me,”
and the complex crush of my daily cross,
I am humbled to my knees.

Here, shaped by the gospel of Your foot
washing love
I can gently, patiently, fish for men.

 

The Mystery of Hope

I cradled hope like a fragile fledgling.
It shivered—tender
warmth against the concrete cold of
my anguish.

Hope is a wild, open-palmed expectation. Because
You are good, it will fly.

 

Dance to Your Love

Arms outstretched in worship
to a song my soul sings.
On tiptoes, I expect to touch heaven.

And you bring heaven to dance with me. You
strum restless leaves and kiss my head
with the sunshine spotlight of your love.

Sing to me your delight as I move to the rhythm of
your salvation. Fear no longer hinders. I spin
and step out on the dancefloor of creation to glorify you.

Pain Unwrapped

Patiently packaged within pain
is the gift of possibility.
Unopened or opened—content remains the same.
My future is secure in the gift-giver.
Oh Lord, help me tear away the wrapping of fear, bitterness, and despair
and gasp in awe at your glory.

My passion—tangible hope secreted within the gift of suffering.

Suicide & Prevention Hotline

National Suicide Hotline

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/