Inspecting the pain blossoming in my soul,  I
Have tenacity that is nonsense in society’s chatter.
After all that I have experienced in my
Very short life, I have developed an
Eternal perspective that refuses to be held down! Jesus,
He was not a victim of sin, so I am not a victim of infliction! Helping others–my balm.
Opening my heart to infinite possibilities keeps me
Pressing through–pain is but a speck on my timeline and I
Expect good things from a God who hears.
Impossible Circumstances are no match for
Edgar Allen Poe dug up Annabel Lee . . . or so the ghost tour guide in Charleston, South Carolina wanted us to believe. Often times we take bits of truth, such as Poe wrote a lot about dying women and he is shrouded in mystery and blow them up into legends.
Behind Poe’s poetry on death was a real person, who himself may have been stuck in grieving and trying to figure out, is death the final blow. His father abandoned him, and his mother died when he was only 3. His siblings were split up and his foster family was tumultuous at best.
He did not have guidance into firm and secure adulthood and, I believe, became stuck in an impulsive and impetuous childhood as an adult. He tended to alienate others because he had a sharp tongue and used it often. Drinking and gambling became two of his fallbacks when life was not going his way. He could neither manage success nor enjoy it. Poe’s life seemed destined to fail. His final words were reported to be, “Lord, help my poor soul.”
We have a real enemy who loves to attack our children. Jesus warns that the punishment is severe for those who harm our children (Matthew 18). Some of us have been born into abusive families, some of us endure hardship after hardship, and some of us have chosen our own destructive path. I am working on reading the Bible cover to cover this year and one thing is clear: GOD IS NOT LIMITED BY OUR CIRCUMSTANCES! From Adam to the end God turns the darkest of circumstances around. Rahab the prostitute is in the lineage of Jesus, Joseph the slave, saves his family who sold him into slavery, Roman occupation into the stage for a cross, a death, and a resurrection.
Poe, like many of us, could not see the possibilities beyond his circumstances. I tell you the truth, not even death can stop us! Jesus’ enemies thought that by cutting off the head the disciples would fall apart. They were almost right, the disciples could not see past their fears or the grave. But, when Jesus arose and continued ministering and preparing the disciples, this band of rag-a-muffins became a powerhouse of restoration to the sick, poor, lost, hungry and all those whose circumstances seemed impossible! So, don’t think for a second that what you are experiencing is beyond hope.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4. ____________is patient and kind; ___________ does not envy or boast; __________ is not arrogant 5or rude. __________ does not insist on its own way; ___________ is not irritable or resentful;b 6 ___________does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7___________ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8___________ never fails.
Put your name in the blank.
1 Corinthians 13 is known as the love chapter and is often quoted at weddings. But, what would happen if we put our name in the place of love? After all God is love. (1 John 4:8) How would it change us if we could say that love is not something that we do, but our state of being. Our very DNA is made of love!
There seems to be a clear shift in the disciples because they experienced first hand the love of God, through Jesus Christ. My first experience with God, he opened my eyes to his love for me. I could now see it in creation, in those around me, in scripture, in worship. The reason why scripture speaks of putting on our new selves is that love changes us, how we interact with the world, how we see ourselves and others. When someone loves at this level it is head turning!
So much of how we love is based upon what we do, not who we are.
Do you do romantic things for your spouse?
Do you speak kind words?
Do you provide encouragement for others?
Do you serve others?
Do you give to the poor?
Do you share your faith?
Paul is challenging the believer to stop doing, and start being love! Putting my name in the place where love is causes me to stop striving and start abiding in the love of Christ. Love does not just go out it is always coming in through our relationship with Jesus. Only then can we be love, rather then a to do list.
The line was 2 and 1/2 hours from the door to the family. I stood there shaking, unsure whether to flee or stay, my own grief deeply moved by the loss of a dear friend. I knew that I was grieving for my son now, in a way that I could not at his funeral. The tears kept coming and I finally stopped fighting them. It just is.
Often, I have heard, the things that you are unable to grieve while you in the midst of shock and pain come out in odd places, and this was mine. As we celebrated Mike, I grieved Jonathan. But, I also saw heaven in a different light. The head knowledge that Jonathan was with Jesus became heart knowledge. I felt that Jonathan was with Jesus, because God gave me a glimpse of heaven through the eyes of Stephen, the first Christian martyr.  The whole trip to Huntington my mind was on the story recorded in Acts 7. As Stephen was being stoned to death he declared, “Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.â€
For the first time I could clearly see that my son was with Jesus! The heavens had opened and Jonathan saw the glory of his heavenly father. Depression clouds our perspective of heaven, we cannot see who we are or whose we are. Heaven was not a place that took my son from me, it is the place that received his weary, battered spirit and restored it!
It is God’s will that are sight is restored in our earthly bodies. (Isaiah 61:1-4) I have been with men and women as they were dying, I have seen the difference between those whose eyes are fixed on things above, and those who cannot see past their earthly goods. A dear woman who I sat with in her last days was ministering to me, even as she struggled to take her next breathes. Another woman spent her dying days cursing others around her, her only relief came when I sang hymens to her. Some see heaven so clearly that it changes how they live on earth, how they treat others, how they see God. Heaven is changing me! It makes me look beyond the grave to see that God is sovereign in all things, even my son’s death.
Luke 23:44It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness fell over the whole land until the ninth hour, 45because the sun was obscured; and the veil of the temple was torn in two.
I was doing great yesterday morning, but in the afternoon I began sobbing uncontrollably as I was working on laundry. Especially when I saw my son’s bed and could so clearly see his figure, both as a child and as a teenager, curled up under the covers.
Everyday functioning is so much harder with a piece of you missing. You walk through your day with a constant nagging feeling that there is something valuable lost that you are constantly searching for. For those of us who have lost a loved one, there is no quick fix, no glue that will repair this crack in our soul.
I truly believe that heaven is affected by the loss of Jonathan. The day I put my son in the ground the weather went crazy. For the burial the sun shone brightly, but quickly after it began storming and the sky went black. That is why, when the sky suddenly began brightening at 9:00 in the evening, everyone took notice.
My neighbor and I went outside and began snapping pictures. On one side were the billowing lines of the storm clouds, but to the west was this eerie orange light. My husband felt that heaven was mourning with us.
And why wouldn’t heaven mourn? God created each person with a unique fingerprint, there is not a single one of us that he does not value! Jesus came so that we may have abundant life. My son’s life was valuable to God.
What is it that you were created for? As I mourn for Jonathan I also have two more precious little ones who need to know that they have value. My kids struggled to settle down for sleep last night. I snuggled with Natalie first. We giggled like little girls, and she shared how much she missed Jonathan. I then climbed up into Daniel’s loft bed to snuggle with him (no easy task); he was so pleased that I was taking the time to be present with him that he began talking a mile a minute. He had so much he wanted to share with me. To reach beyond my grief to be present with them felt good.
My life has value, So I keep turning the page of my story to find out what happens next, even if it is a day heavy with tears. What page are you writing today?
Proverbs 25:13 Like a snow-cooled drink at harvest time is a trustworthy messenger to the one who sends him; he refreshes the spirit of his master.
I dreamed about my son Jonathan last night and awoke in deep heartache; the world of the present was difficult to embrace. I walked outside to take the kids to school and saw this snowflake hung from our Jonathan tree.
At just the right moment, when my soul needed refreshment friends brought it to me. WE NEED FRIENDS! I spent the majority of my young life pushing people away and isolated. When Jesus showed me my need for him, my need for friends soon followed. Jesus was not a lone wolf, he started his ministry by calling disciples. He called them friends! The God of the universe called broken man friend. Amazing. So don’t wait until you have it all together (never happening) or mankind has it together (also never happening). I let my friends down, they let me down, but the cool thing is that I now see it as opportunity for grace, growth, and maturing together in faith.
Ecclesiastes 4:9Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. 10For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. 11Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?…
2 Corinthians 5:1 For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens
Today I have to attend the funeral of my great aunt. Knowing that her death was coming soon, I declared that I could not stand to lose one more person in my life right now. But loss comes no matter what we declare. We cannot hold so tightly to anyone that we forget that our days are numbered. We have to love deeply, care deeply, but hold onto relationships with our hands open.
My cousin is celebrating that his mother is with Jesus! He reminded me to long for heaven more than I long for earth. How do we grow to the place where we engage our earthly life to the fullest and yet yearn for heaven at the same time? I have been close to friends who have accomplished this. I can see clearly that they walk this earth with one foot already in heaven.
As my friend faced cancer, yet again, she shared her struggle with seeing God for a moment and feeling his presence with her. She could not face the cancer again without knowing that her best friend Jesus was by her side. As we studied scripture she found comfort and his close presence was restored.
Do you and I love God so much, live in obedience to him, and are so familiar with heaven that we find ourselves longing to be released from the confines of sin? To go home. Scriptures say that we are foreigners here when we become princes and princesses of his kingdom. He adopts us! Just saying those words stirs my longing.
I want to live this life to the fullest! Every person that I have observed, through scripture and in my life who have accomplished living as Christ have had their eyes fixed on heaven. It is the finish line! They have served, given to others, forgiven deep transgressions, built up others with the goal of heaven in mind. My eyes have not yet been fully trained, disciplined to keep my eyes on Jesus. Jesus endured the cross because he had his eyes fixed on heaven!
Lord, grow me to this point that my longing to be with you, trumps and motivates everything that I do in my earthly body. Amen!
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/