April 2015 - Page 2 of 2 - Turning the Page on Suicide

Monthly Archives: April 2015

Depression, an Opportunity to Change the World

Posted April 18, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Read Nehemiah 2:1-3 And it came about in the month Nisan, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, that wine was before him, and I took up the wine and gave it to the king. Now I had not been sad in his presence. 2So the king said to me, “Why is your face sad though you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of heart.” Then I was very much afraid. 3I said to the king, “Let the king live forever. Why should my face not be sad when the city, the place of my fathers’ tombs, lies desolate and its gates have been consumed by fire?”â€¦

Speaking up about depression brings about change! Remaining silent keeps us stuck with our own limited resources. But, what do we do when we are depression spills overÂ at work? Is it worth the risk sharing our struggle with our boss, our coworkers?

Nehemiah’s job left no room for mistakes. He was the cupbearer for Artaxerxes, a powerful king who would not have tolerated down cast servants in his court, even if they were friends. But, today when he punched his time card for work, hisÂ mind wasn’t on serving the king, it was on the ruins of Jerusalem and the king can tell something is not right. Nehemiah has just finished fasting and praying for help in the 1^st chapter.Â Could the king be the answer to his prayer? He is afraid because his depression is now exposed to his boss. God has given him favorÂ with the king, but is it enough?

With depression comes possibility. Things are not okay! Maybe there are legit reasons why we mourn. There is so much suffering and oppression in the world, and our depression is the chasm between our reality and how the world should be. The quicker we acknowledge our desire for relief, the sooner resources come. Certainly Nehemiah’s is down cast for good reason. Israel is in ruins and in chapter 1 he declares that it is because Israel turned their back on God. He cries out to God. He doesn’t try to dismiss his anguish, orÂ put on a happy pretend face which might have kept him safe. He risks speaking the truth. The king gives Nehemiah charge over rebuilding the city walls and gates andÂ even sends letters for materials to be provided. Change occurred because of Nehemiah’s depression was out in the open!

The whole world suffers from depression. Those of us who recognize things are not as they should be have an opportunity to make the world a better place. Since Adam’s fall into sin, we went from walking with God, to hiding, from enjoying the good things given to us to despising, and from satisfaction in God alone to seeking position, possessions and power to determine our worth. There is not a single human being or animal that was not affected by the curse of sin and death. Since depression is the natural state and consequence of our disobedience, what hope do we have?

Nehemiah. . .

Acknowledgedâ€”took note ofâ€”his reality
He mourned and laid out his heartache before God
He fasted and prayed
Shared his burden with his friend, the King
He spoke up
The king provided
He trusted God and began to rebuild

What makes us sorrowful? Depression is a good only when we allow it to motivate us towards change. I am aware that some of you who follow my blog are in daily pain physically and emotionally. There seems to be no relief from what you are experiencing. My heart aches for you. Don’t lose heart, don’t give up! Take one step today to open yourself to God’s resources. Nehemiah’s burden didn’t just appear over night, the ruins of Jerusalem were years in the making (a product of their rejecting God, and being taken captive by Babylon). I promise you that God is faithful, and I appreciate your honesty! May the exposure of our depression bring resources to rebuild our lives and those around us.

My son’s death has opened my heart wider for others who are tempted to despair. God has placed me in the unique position of experiencing abuse, suffering depression,chronic physical pain, and bearing overwhelming loss. Like Nehemiah I cannot hide my sorrow. So do I speak boldly of the need for our hopelessness to change? Yes, I may get some push back, but it is so worth speaking about suicide. Depression is aÂ heavy weight on my spirit and I refuse to share it alone. Resources are coming! Don’t stop crying out!

Can depression and professionalism coexist?

Posted April 17, 2015 | Karisa Moore

A great question asked by gird girl. Would love to hear your thoughts.

I Have Hope

Posted | Karisa Moore

Inspecting the painÂ blossomingÂ in my soul,Â Â I

Have tenacity that is nonsense in society’s chatter.

After all that I have experienced in my

Very short life, I have developed an

Eternal perspective that refuses to be held down! Jesus,

He was not a victim of sin, so I am not a victim of infliction! Helping others–my balm.

Opening my heartÂ to infinite possibilities keeps me

Pressing through–pain is but a speck on my timeline and I

Expect good things from a God who hears.

Seeing the Bouquets Beyond Dispair

Posted April 15, 2015 | Karisa Moore

John 10:10 The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.–Jesus

“Sorry, my ADD is kicking in.” I apologized, acknowledging that I was distracted fromÂ listening because my attention wasÂ focusedÂ on the beautiful flower bouquetsÂ she had in her office. I was delighted by how well they coordinated with her purple blazer.

She smiled and laughed, “That’s your creativity shining through, certainly not something to apologize for.” My eyes widened, I had never thought of my distraction like that.

“Those flowers were here yesterday and you are the first person to mention noticing them. And probably the only person who will notice them. I hadn’t even noticed that my blazer coordinated with them. I take the expansion of your attention to the room as a sign of healing, not weakness.” She encouraged. “Most people when they first come into my office look down and can’t even look at me. As they begin to heal they begin looking at me and then beyond.”

How depression shrinks our world. Until the only thing that we smell, hear, taste, see, feel, is the sweat of our own fear, hear the loud ramblings of our own thoughts, taste the bitterness of our failures, see that we are alone, and feel disconnected from a huge world of possibilities. If you are in that place, may my testimony encourage you! It is because of one step, and then another, and then another that I came to place that even when my worst nightmare came true I can still declare that life is worth living.

May we journey together in looking up and seeing the beauty beyond our nightmares. Talk with me and let me know how you are doing.

Learning that not Everything in the Universe is tied to my Son’s Suicide

Posted April 13, 2015 | Karisa Moore

The kids and I were itching to plant some flowers, so a quick stop at our local garden center yielded some beautiful flower booty. I don’t usually get blue flowers, but I was craving some blue. Maybe because it was Jonathan’s favorite color. Blue was slim pickings this early in the season, but I managed to find some and when I pulled out the tab, this is what I read:

REALLY! Is this some sick joke or simply a product namer (could have been me) who thought up a clever double meaning for these blue morning glories. If it weren’t for the way my son died, I might have actually have found this clever and funny. Instead, I stood there numb and reliving my son’s death.

When someone has had a severe physically injury, and the nerve endings begin to grow back they are super sensitive to touch. The brain and nerves have to work together to properly interpret what is really felt.Â If you have emotional trauma, or PTSD it is very similar, youÂ may notÂ interpret what’s happening correctly. My brain has a tendency to relive trauma and I have toÂ take those thoughts captive and speak truth over them.Â Yes, my son used a gun, and it hurts like hell to know he felt so hopeless, but that has nothing to do with this moment of picking out flowers. This is about living! These are blue morning glories, and a symbol of God making all things new! God, thank you for the beauty of Spring and the delight of planning flowers with my children. This is truly a special moment I am choosing to turn the page!

Dusty Realities

Posted | Karisa Moore

Dreams–dusty realities

removing time and distance

Like a movement of dissidence,Â tucked intoÂ a symphony of

reason.Â You are a memory that makes no sense,Â resurrected by heartache,

sewnÂ together by longing, until the persistent alarmÂ shatters my dreams

to a heavy concrete world without you.

Give Impossible Circumstances to the God of Possibilities

Posted April 8, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Turning My Page

Impossible Circumstances are no match for

Edgar Allen Poe dug up Annabel Lee . . . or so the ghost tour guide in Charleston, South Carolina wanted us to believe. Often times we take bits of truth, such as Poe wrote a lot about dying women and he is shrouded in mystery and blow them up into legends.

Behind Poe’s poetry on death was a real person, who himself may have been stuck in grieving and trying to figure out, is death the final blow. His father abandoned him, and his mother died when he was only 3. His siblings were split up and his foster family was tumultuous at best.

He did not have guidance into firm and secure adulthood and, I believe, became stuck in an impulsive and impetuous childhood as an adult. He tended to alienate others because he had a sharp tongue and used it often. Drinking and gambling became two of his fallbacks when life was not going his way. He could neither manage success nor enjoy it. Poe’s life seemed destined to fail. His final words were reported to be, “Lord, help my poor soul.”

We have a real enemy who loves to attack our children. Jesus warns that the punishment is severe for those who harm our children (Matthew 18). Some of us have been born into abusive families, some of us endure hardship after hardship, and some of us have chosen our own destructive path. I am working on reading the Bible cover to cover this year and one thing is clear: GOD IS NOT LIMITED BY OUR CIRCUMSTANCES! From Adam to the end God turns the darkest of circumstances around. Rahab the prostitute is in the lineage of Jesus, Joseph the slave, saves his family who sold him into slavery, Roman occupation into the stage for a cross, a death, and a resurrection.

Poe, like many of us, could not see the possibilities beyond his circumstances. I tell you the truth, not even death can stop us! Jesus’ enemies thought that by cutting off the head the disciples would fall apart. They were almost right, the disciples could not see past their fears or the grave. But, when Jesus arose and continued ministering and preparing the disciples, this band of rag-a-muffins became a powerhouse of restoration to the sick, poor, lost, hungry and all those whose circumstances seemed impossible! So, don’t think for a second that what you are experiencing is beyond hope.

Turning the Page on Saturday: Embracing the Resurrection power of Sunday

Posted April 5, 2015 | Karisa Moore

“It is Only for the Weekend” was the sermon title at my in-laws church. God, who is not limited, doesn’t even operate in the limits of time, takes our circumstances whether good or bad and declares that they are temporary. Even death is now an unpredictable outcome for those who believe.

On our drive home Brian and I agreed that the heartache of missing Jonathan sure didn’t feel like only a weekend. “Feels like we are stuck on Saturday.” Brian said. Maybe your circumstances are like ours and you feel stuck in pain, your job, your life, your loss. The resurrection hasn’t happened or become an active part of our thinking, living,Â and dying.Â We are confused and reeling from plans not of our own making. We want to hide away, cry out, shake our fist at a God for allowing such agony into our lives. We would not map out the same path.

This is exactly how the disciples behaved after the crucifixion, the Romans guarded the tomb just in case the disciples tried to steal the body. They needn’t worry–the disciples were stuck on Saturday. When they started getting reports that Jesus was alive, most of the 12Â did not go running to the tomb to confirm that it was empty and that Christ was indeed resurrected. They were in disbelief, and that was where they were likely going to stay if Jesus himself hadn’t walked through the door. I mean that literally, he waked through the closed and locked door.

Does Jesus have to walk through the closed and locked door of my heart for me to accept that his plan for my future is a good one? Or do I declare with my hands open to the heavens “BUT, SUNDAY!” The resurrection isn’t just an event that happened in history, it happens today when believers see the risen Christ in their lives and are transformed.

Lord, open my mind, heart, and soul to Sunday and help me to Turn the Page on Saturday! Amen.

Love is a State of Being Not a State of Doing

Posted April 4, 2015 | Karisa Moore

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4.Â ____________is patient and kind;Â ___________ does not envy or boast;Â __________ is not arrogant 5or rude.Â __________ does not insist on its own way;Â ___________ is not irritable or resentful;^b 6Â ___________does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7___________ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8___________ never fails.

Put your name in the blank.

1 Corinthians 13 is known as the love chapter and is often quoted at weddings. But, what would happen if we put our name in the place of love? After all God is love. (1 John 4:8) How would it change us if we could say that love is not something that we do, but our state of being. Our very DNA is made of love!

There seems to be a clear shift in the disciples because they experienced first hand the love of God, through Jesus Christ.Â My first experience with God, he opened my eyes toÂ his love forÂ me.Â I could now see it in creation, in those around me, in scripture, in worship.Â The reason why scripture speaks ofÂ putting on our new selves is that love changes us, how we interact with the world, how we see ourselves and others.Â When someone lovesÂ at this level it is head turning!

So much ofÂ how we love is based upon what we do, not who we are.

Do you do romantic things for your spouse?

Do you speak kind words?

Do you provide encouragement for others?

Do you serve others?

Do you give to the poor?

Do you share your faith?

Paul is challenging the believer to stop doing, and start being love! Putting my name in the place where love is causes me to stop striving and start abiding in the love of Christ. Love does not just go out it is always comingÂ in through our relationship with Jesus. Only then can we be love, rather then a to do list.

Monthly Archives: April 2015

Turning My Page

National Suicide Hotline