Posts Categorized: depression

I’m Not the Vine: Learning to Abide

Posted June 27, 2023 | Karisa Moore

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.

John 15:5-6, ESV

Turning My Page

 

Sometimes we start again in a new way.

My depression is often rooted in thinking God is not enough for everyone I care about. My daughter, in particular, is suffering deeply. I can’t stand suffering, so I scramble to find answers, overthink, and stretch myself to the point of breaking to fill in all the perceived gaps God leaves incomplete to my satisfaction.

In addition, I am acutely aware of my friends and family who are deeply hurting, and I want to relieve their suffering too. I need to be there for others. And the list of reasons I don’t measure up to the lofty expectations I have for myself is endless.

As long as I can remember, I have tried to fix things for everyone and be god to broken-winged animals and people, and on the surface, those are noble desires. God created me with great compassion for the downtrodden and brokenhearted, but part of my New Year’s message from God this year was: “You are not me.”

In reality, there is only one thing I need to do. Love Jesus.

I am grafted into Jesus. It’s not my job to fix the messed up world, not even my own, and God continues to work with me this year to trust him in all areas of my life, including the care for my family. When I attempt to usurp God’s plan, even in allowing brokenness, I run over his spectacular redemption. I forget that it was in brokenness that he redeemed me.

As I read scripture I see that his ways aren’t mine. My plan would not have allowed Jesus to die on the cross for the sins of the world.

I laid some things on the altar on New Year’s Day, and I confess that lately, I have picked them back up. I praise God for the humbling he has done in the past few weeks. I CAN wait to see what God has in store for my daughter, friends, and family. He asked me to pray that his will is done in the lives I care about. No more attempts to fix or correct. Trust. Trust Him.

 

Turning Your Page

What is in your hands at this very moment? Are you gripping people, places, purposes, or a job so tightly that God has to work around you? Make no mistake, His will be done on earth as in heaven. You can either be a fruitful grapevine or a useless branch, but either way. Jesus is the vine.

Our job is to abide in him.

  • Pray that God shows you areas in your life where you are trying to be the vine.
  • Look up the definition of abide and put the definition into your own words.
  • Read the story of Joseph in the Old Testament (Genesis 37-50).
    • What was Joseph’s plan for his life as a teenager?
    • What was God’s?
    • How did Joseph come to realize that God’s plan was the best route, even though it wound through attempted murder, slavery, and prison?

 

Lord, your ways aren’t mine, and I don’t want them to be. Do exceedingly, abundantly, beyond my limited thinking. Wow me! Amen

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Holiday Depression Survival Kit

Posted December 4, 2020 | Karisa Moore

No one plans on unwrapping depression during the holidays.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1 KJV)

Depression is a gift not easily returned to a store. I say gift because, as I work through despair I also discover my capacity to fight it.

Twenty-two years ago depression became a training ground for my faith. I hoped for what I could not yet see. I stretched weak, underdeveloped spiritual muscles. And survived attacks from the enemy. Beauty emerged from the ashes of my life.


We don’t have to have it all together to survive Christmas. But, we do have to have certain habits in place that are not optional.  I am conditioning to be fearless and embrace discipline, compassion, and determination. Like a drill sergeant encouraging failure, depression stirs instead, my will to live.

Despair

Grief doesn’t take a hiatus, and physical pain may have no relief. The strain is constant, but we also experience joy.  We can hope, remain open to new possibilities, step outside of our own thoughts, and engage the world. Not based upon feeling, but upon the basic way, humans were created. We were built for relationship. Based on that understanding, isolation is not an option.

Below is a Depression Survival Kit that I use on a regular basis. These habits help me to get through and even gain new ground through holidays.

Feel free to comment on anything that helps you to get through the holidays.

  • 1-2 scriptures to read on a regular basis, call to mind when thoughts spiral
  • List of safe people (of the same sex) that I can call in case of an emergency
  • 1-2 old traditions I will do (not based on feeling)
  • 1-2 new traditions I will create with family, friends, strangers
  • Emergency exit
    • Go to Christmas events
    • Shorten stay
    • Signal designated departure friend to aid in a smoother exit
    • I don’t have to do all events
  • Stay engaged with the community (not an option)
    • Volunteer to help others
    • Encourage someone else who is struggling
    • Allow 1 or 2 people to take you out of your comfort zone
    • Laughter is good medicine (welcome humor)
  • Be intentional 
    • Set goals and take steps to be as healthy as you can
    • Extend grace to yourself and others

My prayers are with you as you find joy this Christmas.

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Ugly Duckling Interupted: Acrostic

Posted May 28, 2020 | Karisa Moore

You Were Always a Swan

You Were Always a Swan

“Such an ugly duckling.” the others cackled, slapping the water in agreement.
(Your head ducked),
 Under the burden of shameful stares.
(You swam away),
 Inclined to believe what others say.
(You)
 Couldn’t see the swan swimming smooth as silk on the other side of the reeds.
(Searching)
 Inside yourself for true identity.
(Your answers)
Decidedly never came.
(You)
Ended the story before your clouded reflection cleared.

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The Feet of Good News

Posted March 5, 2019 | Karisa Moore

“And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” (Romans 10:15)

 

Dear Page Turner,

My feet have good news. Faithfully, not perfectly, I have tried to grieve with hope and walk in obedience to God’s direction. After four years of grieving with hope, I am almost done with my second book, a devotional to help anyone who has just experienced a loss to suicide. 

I have also joined The Dented Fender writing team, and am developing my speaking chops so that I can share hope more effectively. I want to be fully equipped, not lacking anything. God’s love is shining into the darkness of despair, and I love getting to be a part. So many amazing things are happening, way beyond what I thought myself capable of, but with God nothing is impossible.

Four and 1/2 years ago it was painful to turn 1 page on Jonathan’s death. I have now turned over the 2007 pages. Each page has been important, even the ones I could barely turn. My initial hope, that others would be encouraged to choose life is coming to fruition. I refuse to bow to the spirit of despair. Each page, some intensely painful, have produced new joys, new discoveries, and encouragement. I look forward to sharing with you what God is accomplishing, even when we don’t understand the fullness of his purpose.

As the work on my second book is nearing the finish line you inspire me to finish strong. Writing this book has made me look back over all that God has accomplished in four years of Turning the Page on Suicide,  I am so thankful. 

I learn from each of you. Thank you for wrestling with despair and not letting the darkness have the final say! Thank you for choosing writing as your outlet to share hope. Thank you for encouraging others with poetry, stories, photography and scripture. Thank you for commenting and blessing one another with courage for each individual journey.

 

The mental health community is made up of spectacular and uniquely gifted individuals. Don’t ever underestimate the value of your words, your courage to breathe life into others, in spite of your own physical and emotional pain. If you are just getting started on turning your page on suicide, may 1 page become 2 until you look back and find a lifetime of spreading the good news, death does not have the final say. Life is worth living.

 

 

 

 

Sincerely,

 

 

Karisa Moore

Poetry Collection: Broken Butterflies

 

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Spirit of Despair (Response Prompt)

Posted November 22, 2018 | Karisa Moore

I am elevated emptiness

puffed up with my will.

I cradle and nurse fear like a

mother with starved child

I breathe deeply, as I pinch your oxygen

I am the shiver that shadows your spine,

always creeping in the open doors of

crowded confidence.

 

You can’t escape me,

human gods. You elevate to

pedestals and put crowns on achievement.

I find the cracks in

your stoic status and crumble

saints and sinners with the

tap, tap,

of my chisel of

doubt.

 

Poetry is posted every Thursday at 7pm (Garment of Joy Next Week)

One of my favorite ways to write poems is to respond to other poets. Are you up for the challenge? How would you respond to someone battling the Spirit of Despair? How would you offer hope? What weapons would you use? Link back to this post and place your link in the comments.

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the cross is necessary

God Leans on Sinners

Posted October 17, 2018 | Karisa Moore

The snap of surprise,

as the ragged watch you

boldly clear a temple bustling

with the commerce of greedy self-worship.

Freeing frightened birds flapping wildly in cages of false belief.

Awakening truth in the hearts of prostitutes, liars,

and outcast.

 

God leans on sinners.

 

Asks the wicked to pray for him.

Chooses friends among enemies, and

intimately sweats the blood of flesh, to meet

his own righteous expectations.

 

 

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Today I Walk Out of the Darkness

Posted October 14, 2018 | Karisa Moore

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:3).

Survivors of Suicide must do what our loved one could not–walk out of the darkness.

We cannot help what was, but we can be a part of changing what is. How?

  • Humble ourselves (1 Peter 5:6)
  • Be thankful (1 Peter 5:3)
  • Be present in the lives around you and offer (Matthew 9:35-37)
    • love
    • faith
    • hope
  • Pray for and defend the oppressed (Psalm 10:17-18)
  • Pray for and challenge the oppressors (Matthew 5:44, Isaiah 1:17)
  • Live your God-given life to the fullest (John 10:10)
  • Take courage as you face your own weaknesses and temptations (Luke 8:4-15)
  • Grieve with hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13)
  • Walk together, supporting each other (1 Peter 5:2-4)

This is the foundation God is laying in my grief.  that help me to continue through the valley of the shadow of death rather than becoming mired in the pit of despair.

 

If you would like to make a donation here is my link:

Out of the Darkness Walk Donor Drive

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Grief’s Quickening

Posted October 4, 2018 | Karisa Moore

When the dust settles over

grave and grass grows

thick over death, your life

still quickens in the womb of

a mother’s grief.

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When Your Thoughts Are a Horror Film

Posted October 2, 2018 | Karisa Moore

My heart staggers; fear makes me tremble. The twilight of my desire has turned to horror.

Isaiah 21:4 NIV

Turning My Page

Awoke this morning to images of my dead son. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does sometimes I can move my brain to dwell on God’s goodness. Other times I cannot.

God planted some new book ideas last night. A great blessing. But, this new, potential series takes me back to those first days, and once those cataloged images are opened some unwanted ones come with it. So what do I do when my thoughts are uncontrollable?

  • Take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.
    • Meditate on scriptures
    • Speak truth over my thoughts
      • I was up late discussing my son
      • Made connections with other men and women who have similar stories
      • Was encouraged by their stories
      • Walked away with ideas for new books
  • Share my struggle with my support team
  • Pray
  • Pour out my complaint before God.
    • Lord, I am struggling with my thoughts this morning. I acknowledge that I want Jonathan alive and here. He is not. What do you want me to learn from my son’s death? Is there anything I need to see differently in light of your love? Father, the enemy seeks to destroy my rest and trust in you. Guide my heart and mind to your truth that I may share your trustworthiness in a deeper way.  Amen.
  • Repeat
    • Sometimes a spirit of fear does not leave easily or quickly. Does a lion just quit when she doesn’t get her prey on the first try? We have an enemy seeking to devour us, and our thoughts are a place he will pursue relentlessly because they are the stronghold of God.
  • Fortify my weakened soul.
  • Rest
  • Be careful what I watch
  • Drink plenty of water
  • Spend time with family and friends

Turning Your Page

You cannot always help where thoughts may go in grief. But, you do not have to stay there.

  • What are your current thoughts revealing?
  • How can you develop the mind of Christ in your difficult circumstances?
  • Who is your support team? Reach out, make them aware of your struggle.

Father, take my thoughts and align them with your truth. Calm my mind and let me rest in the truth that I am yours. Amen

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Suicide & Prevention Hotline

National Suicide Hotline

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/