mental health Archives - Page 20 of 30 - Turning the Page on Suicide

Posts Categorized: mental health

Out of the Darkness Walk: Who Will Walk With Me?

Posted October 18, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Today is the day of my second Out of the Darkness Walk. My team is assembled andÂ so far we have raised over $500 dollars.Â Walking toÂ Turn the Page on Suicide is filled withÂ hope! It may be one by one that we bring others out of the darkness, depression and suicide strugglesÂ are unique to each person, but this illness forces us to see others as individuals. There is no formula that will fix the epidemic. Three things I know are absolutes–LOVE, FAITH, and HOPE. Without these three core values I will falter and fail.

I was reminded this week that sometimes my need for immediate results makes me so short sighted. God’s perspective is above time and I can’t see two inches away from my face. Galatians 6:9-10:

9Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. 10So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

Love, faith and hope are in this race for the long haul! Not a short sprint. Jesus came so that we may have life, abundant life and for some of us it takes time for us to accept abundant life. He was willing to go into places that “clean” people just wouldn’t go. Are you and I willing to do the same? Remember, as we offer all that we have to one lost sheep, we know that we do not walk alone.

It took me 20 years to accept abundant life. Many men and women planted seeds along the way. Some of them do not know how valuable there moments with me were, but I do! The Holy Spirit went ahead of these Christians to plow the hardened field of my heart so that one day a little plant emerged, then another, and then another. As I walk today planting seeds in the dark ground of depression and suicide, I hope, I love, and I have faith . . .

Hope in the Cell of Circumstances

Posted October 10, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Proverbs 3:â€¦4I was crying to the LORD with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah. 5I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.

NightÂ defiantly whispers,

“No rest here. “Â And sleep

stealsÂ the covers,

tauntingly tapping tic-tock

on your brain.

Scripture is like a father’s

bedtime story to hisÂ child,

like a mother’s lullaby.

Remembered promises,

experienced and witnessed, repeat hope

in the cell of circumstances,

fluff pillows and prepare the heart

to receive just enough.

God tucks the soul

beneath the blanket of his wings

and feeds truth and comfort, though

our fallen bodies fail us.

Breathing Life Into Your Reflections

Posted October 7, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Caught a glimpse of you today

mirroredÂ inÂ another

standing in your

shoes, your smock,

your hat,

ready to

serve me

My son introduced

you to my pain

building kinship

to his brother hanging

on the wall.

fringe familiarity

blinked back at me

“IÂ shared a bus.”

You acknowledged

Grief heaved

a heavy sigh of

silence between us.

How are you?

Questioning the

son I can longer ask

Willing another still

breathing to

value each breath

Embracing Photos

Being a Lamp in the Darkness

Posted October 4, 2015 | Karisa Moore

After reading a fellow poet’s haunting work I prepared a response to the darkness that lights her world, and once lit my own.

I have lived in darkness,

wrapped up in the blanket of its truth, smothered

hope and shut out liars

who offer to light my way with burnt

out candles of philosophy. I thought that I had insulated

myself from darkness by embracing its truth. Nothing begets nothing–

we’re all dead anyway.

Until

fear mastered my taste buds, and my

craving was bitterness.

I begged death to

swallow me whole and it did.

Soul crushing pain that I could

never quiteÂ medicate out of existence.

Death was my hope.

But there wasÂ a persistent, peskyÂ light

that didn’t care if I trusted. The warmth of its glow stayed constant

when others faded away.Â Like an inn at the end of a long

journey, it offered rest from

my aching confusion.

The lantern brought me from the woods

of my tangled shadows.

Secure in its source,

in its never changing nature

a humbleÂ truth never experienced in my boasting

darkness of doubt. It didn’t demand I believe, nor

did it exact the price of darkness.Â It paid in full every

debt I owed. This lightÂ didn’t scramble as I did,

to snuff out pain.Â It bore it. . . .willingly.

ItÂ hung inÂ the darkness for me.

I have never experienced such light.

A state of being, rather than doing, a love

that pursues

Rather than playing hide-and-seek.

My soul caught fire as I warmed by the fire

of its glory,

I am aÂ light to youÂ in theÂ darkness

Inviting warmth and freedom to the darkest souls.

Sometimes it Doesn’t Matter That We are Walking on Water, We See the Wind and Sink

Posted October 1, 2015 | Karisa Moore

1 John 4:18There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 19We love, because He first loved us.â€¦

Sometimes it doesn’t matter that we are walking on water towards Jesus–we see the windÂ and sink. Fear is a constant threat in my world. My oldest son potentially had an undiagnosed metabolic disorder that may have contributed to his mental state; his brother, shows some of the same symptoms. Tuesday night he woke up screaming in pain.Â Since, I have felt fear pressing in, leaning into my thoughts, promising me more loss, more heart ache, more sorrow. Fear is the opposite of love. When IÂ fear losing my family, I am not loving them.

As fear consumesÂ love it becomes easier to lash out, let our thoughts run us, and to lose sight of God! Fear was the very first reaction to God in the garden by Adam and Eve. Genesis 3:10 And he said, â€œI heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.â€ Peter sunk while walking on water because he saw the wind and was afraid, heÂ took his eyes off Jesus. (Matthew 14:30) We forget that God loves us from head to toe. Last night my entire family was exploding at each other. The fear was becoming more concrete, andÂ love more abstract.

I don’t remember consciously crying out to God, but I must have, because in an instant the fear was gone. I don’t know how else to describe that moment. One second I was raging because I felt so helpless to fix what’s wrong for my son, and the next I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed byÂ love and peace flowing from the inside out and I was equipped to spread that peace to the rest of my family.

The circumstances haven’t changed! My son still potentially has a deadly illness and my daughter and husband most certainly do, but I am not afraid. God will find a way through these circumstances, and I will follow that path. I love the line from the movie Scorpion King,, as Jesup faces certain death he tells his brother Mathayus to “Live Well,” and his brother responds, “Die free.” God wants us to live well and die free. We cannot do that if we are afraid, we negate the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross and allow fear to rule our actions. Â In Romans 8, Paul describes our bondage before Christ, as being a “slave to fear”. Perfect love casts out all fear! How do we love perfectly?

Dwell on the fact that God loves you right where you are, and that he came forÂ us while we were nailing him to the cross.Â Like Monty Python’s Black Knight we can say concerning all circumstances–including death, “Tis but a scratch!” But, unlike Monty Python, its no joke.

The Discipline of Depression: Finding What Works in the Midst of What isn’t Working

Posted September 30, 2015 | Karisa Moore

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

What do you do, no matter what? Especially if you suffer from depression, I’d really like to compile a list of helpful habits as a resource to others. Since Jonathan’s death the two places that I am most under attack are in the car, and in the late evenings. I have limited the amount of driving I do. My mind is a landmine of destructive thoughts when I am exhausted, so opening myself up to even the news in the evening seems to fuel depression as I try to sleep.

Categories:

Daily habits that lift your spirits

Example: Singing hymns

Making my bed (seems small, but completing this task daily leads to bigger completions)

Scriptures you bring to mind

The habit of avoidance:

Not staying up late alone

Avoiding TV after 9

Peace in Midst of Sorrow

Repeating Blues

Posted September 26, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Awkward memoriesÂ belt out

haunting blues,

Their melody seeps into bones

like a chilled rain–

Shivering the soul to its core, like aÂ scratched record.

Doomed to repeat

Depression needles

its way into the grooves of gray

and repeats its mantra

’tilÂ your being aches to

smash the record, the player

and anything else

that reminds of this unforgiven sorrow.

Jesus Set the Bar Too High

Posted September 25, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Matthew 25:37Then the righteous will answer him, saying, â€˜Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?â€™ 40And the King will answer them, â€˜Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,^f you did it to me.

I have been reading the story of Hosea this week. Hosea was an amazing prophet, told by God to marry a prostitute as a living illustration of Israel’s unfaithfulness to God. I won’t fill in all the blanks for you, but as we read the story we see a beautiful Old Testament example of God’s overwhelming love for us. When I asked the group discussing the story, can we love the unbeliever with this level of self-sacrifice, the comment was made, “Well Hosea and Jesus set the bar pretty high for us.”Â This isn’t the first time that I have heardÂ similar statements. “Well Jesus was God, that how he could keep from sinning.” “He had supernatural power, that why he could endure the cross.”Â “Â I can’t forgive on that level because I’m not Jesus.” Â It can become so easy for us to downplay or up-play Jesus’s deity, depending uponÂ our day to day perspective, and whether we want to get our hands dirty with the depravity of man.

OurÂ minds struggle to accept both God’s right judgmentÂ of our sin which requires deathÂ andÂ his overwhelming love which leads to life–both held on the cross at the same time. How can we hate what is evil andÂ love without conditions allÂ at the same time. I was reminded duringÂ counseling training on Friday and Saturday that only God says when to shake the dust off of who isÂ unrepentant.Â I don’t get to pick who I believe is worthy of God’s grace. The Church has ill equipped us for ministering to the lost, and for that IÂ am deeply sorrowful!

How do we turn this around? We began seeing the harvest around us, the hunger, the needs, the brokenness in others by seeing and accepting our own depravity. Apart from God I am dead in my sins. My own circumstances included a pastor and his wife taking me in when I was pregnant and homeless. That love and sacrifice spoke volumes to me.Â It didn’t take me long to realize I wanted far more than the world could offer me, but there are some it takes 20 years or more! Are the believers willing to sacrifice, come along side, endure rebellion for that long? We need to be if we are taking up our cross daily and following Jesus.

Insomnia: No Match for Praise!

Posted September 22, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Job 42:1Then Job replied to the Lord:

2â€œI know that you can do all things;

no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

3You asked, â€˜Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?â€™

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,

things too wonderful for me to know.

After a week of insomnia it is a miracle that I have managed to accomplish quite a bit today. I look more like a zombie. . . maybe I should try to walk onto the set of The Walking Dead (I think I’d blend into the extras just fine).Â I have been reduced to crying out to God, day after day. Give me rest! May you sustain me!Â May you be enough for me!Â Provide just enough for me today!

Have you been reduced to nothing in your flesh? You have come to the end of what you physically can push through.Â LikeÂ Job we want to sit on the ash heap of everything that meant something to us, and curse the day we are born.Â Just as God showed himself to Job, he gave gentle direction today. As I worked on the breakfast dishes the Lord flashed images ofÂ things to praise him for, and as I did, I found the energy to accomplish what is in front of me. Now I must praise him in my sleep.

Patchwork Quilt of Comfort: Wrapping up in the Holy Spirit

Posted September 21, 2015 | Karisa Moore

John 16:7 Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.

In the wee hours of grief I read notes ofÂ remembranceÂ from friends, family and acquaintances, written on Jonathan’s Facebook page. Your patchwork squares ofÂ memories, scripture, and comfort from the cross, gotÂ me through those first nightmarish days. Many of your notes are now recorded on the quilts sewn together by quilters in my church. I can literally snuggle into prayers, scripture and memories.

THANK YOU!

Squares from notes left at the funeral.

Posts Categorized: mental health

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