mental health Archives - Page 25 of 30 - Turning the Page on Suicide

Posts Categorized: mental health

Posted May 1, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Psalm 139:23Â Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; 24And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

Today is my daughter’s heart check up. She has had them since birth, and in fact, before birth. We knew that she potentially could have had a heart defect and the ultra sounds looked for any problems with her developing heart. If they had found any, they could have done surgery while she was still forming in my body!

Depression, suicidal thoughts, can lay deep within our hearts and, because man looks at outer appearance, weÂ often missÂ the pain and anguish within. But God, he knows our anxious thoughts. He searches within our minds, ourÂ souls, the core of who we are and is able to help us in ways that no one else can.

We all need regular heart checks, from the God who shaped our hearts and knows the things that we try to hide, or may not even be aware of. I was not aware of the rage I had stored up as a child. God brought it to the surface, exposed the monster within so that it could be removed and I could heal. Now, I open my heart before him, wanting nothing to hinder his will in my life. I know no better surgeon.

We have to be open to the HolyÂ Spirit’s leading to become more deeply aware of who might be at risk for suicide. Think about this. Jesus knew that the disciples were going to betray him, and he knew that Judas would turn him over.Â David in the Psalms asks, “Where can I hide from you?” Psalm 139Â Â God knows our children, what is happening inside their hearts, their rooms, their wallets, their school, the church, with friends and at home. Wouldn’t it be great if he reveals the spiritual battle going on? But clearly, from scripture, we see that he does! Again and again to the prophets. Again and again to Jesus and the disciples. I promise you that he does it still today! He loves us, and he wants the best for us. Lets pour out our hearts to him, and prepare our hearts to minister to all who need hope.

Suicide Butterfly

Posted | Karisa Moore

A wisp of beauty landed close to me.
Separate, but the same.
I marveled at its will to live
A vibrant delicate life
Short yet powerful
Because it changed me.

Country Sailor

Posted April 29, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Pulling up anchor from theÂ crowded

harbor of humanity, I navigate

the steady sea of rolling waves of fertile green;

planting peaceful rhythm within my weary sail.

Opening my lungsÂ to the purer, sweet saltiness

of grass, animal and clay.

Birds sail the seas of heaven, diving in delight of

prey.

Fellow sailors, nod andÂ salute from their faithful rustyÂ ships

as ruddersÂ plod consistent course to their harvested catch.

And when I return to shore, the sea is carried within my soul.

Sewing New Memories into the Fabric of Life

Posted April 28, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Acts 1:23So they nominated two men: Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias. 24Then they prayed, â€œLord, you know everyoneâ€™s heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen 25to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs.â€ 26Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles.

Bitter-sweet day yesterday. Natalie had aÂ field trip to our local baseball stadium (yes, she held my hand the whole time). It was so much fun, but something about the trip caused me great sorrow as well. When we first moved to this state, I painted a mural of the ballpark for Jonathan’s room. The last time I was at a game was last year for my anniversary while in the midst of planning Jonathan’s funeral. His birthday is on Mother’s Day this year. Being at the ballpark brought all of those things to the surface.

I know from other survivors that this is quite common and that it is important to sew new memories into the fabric of my life, so I’m glad that I went. When Jonathan was little we brought himÂ to a game early for autographs. He got a helmet and his catcher’s mitt signed. That night he slept with the glove on his hand and the helmet on his head. It was such a sweet image in my mind.

The disciples were fresh off the crucifixion and resurrection.Â Jesus spent forty days preparing them for ministry, Christ ascends to heaven, and now what? Now they pray!Â Now they select a new apostle to replace Judas. Now they wait for the Holy Spirit. Much of this year has been spent learning to wait. God’s instructions were clear to me; he has been removing stumbling blocks, teaching me patience, healing my anger and replacing it with compassion. Showing me that his way is the best way. May each of you be open to the new thoughts, new memories, and new experiencesÂ that God wants to sew into the fabric of your life.

Lord, I praise you for this amazing crowd of witnesses! I give you this day. Do with it what you will. Amen

Love: The Hand Scarred For Me

Posted April 25, 2015 | Karisa Moore

You woke me from the terror of my nightmares,

said I was worth your time, your pain, your cross.

You didn’t shy away from my stains

From the sorrow I could not repay.

You awoke my desire

A fire for something

beyond self

beyond limit

beyond fear

you lit

path

until I

became You.

Holding out my scarred hands

Lightening another soul’s nightmare.

Depression, Calloused Hand that Smothers Me

Posted | Karisa Moore

Snuffed out breath

Awakened in night’s soul

pressed into the cradle ofÂ my husband,

PiercedÂ in the heartÂ of rest

that never comes

Peace that never wakes

thatÂ smells of death

even as I scream for

life.

Hearing my own sweat

my own terror dripping

like tears from my cheek

longing for the nightmare

of sorrow to end and for the calloused hand

to release my throat to sing.

45 MINUTES OF MISSING YOU

Posted April 24, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Blue Men and Women

conducted a BOLD LETTERÂ search

for the little sheep hiding amid theÂ pride ofÂ lions

while the mother feared she had been devoured

Layers of loss struggled to hope

Squawks ofÂ Marco

Polo volleyed

Until the huntersÂ exhausted of the game

Silence

ticked by until the question must be asked

Is it time?

Almost, the faintÂ reply

The vibration ofÂ a kindred searcher woke

the mother from her fears

“I have her”

relief rushed to restore order

She wasÂ laughing amongst lions

Oblivious of danger

Nor fragile withÂ fear

Where Can I Go For Help

Posted April 22, 2015 | Karisa Moore

“Do you have your exit buddy?”–Crush (Finding Nemo)

When I began my healing process my counselor had me create a crisis sheet. Steps to take, people I could trust, ways to protect myself. One of the most important parts of the plan was having the person I could call at a moments notice and they will be there. Dori was that fish for Marlin in the movie Finding Nemo. She was loyal, insightful, an encourager, good listener (even if she had no short term memory) Who is your fish?

When Jesus sent out the disciples he sent them out in pairs. Why? Because this world is going to have obstacles and they are much easier to climb when we are not alone. My kids went to aÂ warehouse that had a floor to ceilingÂ climbing wall. Neither made it to the top the first time. Even though the spotter told them what to look for their fear made it hard to listen. Defeated they went on to other activities. Natalie was the first to go back to the wall and try again and this time she knew that the harness would hold her, so that fear was gone. She climbed higher, but still got stuck and looked like she was going to give up again.

The spotter (without aÂ harness mind you) climbed up the wall beside her and coached her on how to climb. She quickly made it the rest of the way. At the moment she was ready to quit, the young man was her partner to the top. Who is your partner in those moments of depression? Please hear me the other person doesn’t have to be perfect, but they do have to have certain qualities that you are currently lacking. They need to see the bigger picture of your goals when you get stuck in the middle. Who is your exit buddy! ?

Depression, an Opportunity to Change the World

Posted April 18, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Read Nehemiah 2:1-3 And it came about in the month Nisan, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, that wine was before him, and I took up the wine and gave it to the king. Now I had not been sad in his presence. 2So the king said to me, “Why is your face sad though you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of heart.” Then I was very much afraid. 3I said to the king, “Let the king live forever. Why should my face not be sad when the city, the place of my fathers’ tombs, lies desolate and its gates have been consumed by fire?”â€¦

Speaking up about depression brings about change! Remaining silent keeps us stuck with our own limited resources. But, what do we do when we are depression spills overÂ at work? Is it worth the risk sharing our struggle with our boss, our coworkers?

Nehemiah’s job left no room for mistakes. He was the cupbearer for Artaxerxes, a powerful king who would not have tolerated down cast servants in his court, even if they were friends. But, today when he punched his time card for work, hisÂ mind wasn’t on serving the king, it was on the ruins of Jerusalem and the king can tell something is not right. Nehemiah has just finished fasting and praying for help in the 1^st chapter.Â Could the king be the answer to his prayer? He is afraid because his depression is now exposed to his boss. God has given him favorÂ with the king, but is it enough?

With depression comes possibility. Things are not okay! Maybe there are legit reasons why we mourn. There is so much suffering and oppression in the world, and our depression is the chasm between our reality and how the world should be. The quicker we acknowledge our desire for relief, the sooner resources come. Certainly Nehemiah’s is down cast for good reason. Israel is in ruins and in chapter 1 he declares that it is because Israel turned their back on God. He cries out to God. He doesn’t try to dismiss his anguish, orÂ put on a happy pretend face which might have kept him safe. He risks speaking the truth. The king gives Nehemiah charge over rebuilding the city walls and gates andÂ even sends letters for materials to be provided. Change occurred because of Nehemiah’s depression was out in the open!

The whole world suffers from depression. Those of us who recognize things are not as they should be have an opportunity to make the world a better place. Since Adam’s fall into sin, we went from walking with God, to hiding, from enjoying the good things given to us to despising, and from satisfaction in God alone to seeking position, possessions and power to determine our worth. There is not a single human being or animal that was not affected by the curse of sin and death. Since depression is the natural state and consequence of our disobedience, what hope do we have?

Nehemiah. . .

Acknowledgedâ€”took note ofâ€”his reality
He mourned and laid out his heartache before God
He fasted and prayed
Shared his burden with his friend, the King
He spoke up
The king provided
He trusted God and began to rebuild

What makes us sorrowful? Depression is a good only when we allow it to motivate us towards change. I am aware that some of you who follow my blog are in daily pain physically and emotionally. There seems to be no relief from what you are experiencing. My heart aches for you. Don’t lose heart, don’t give up! Take one step today to open yourself to God’s resources. Nehemiah’s burden didn’t just appear over night, the ruins of Jerusalem were years in the making (a product of their rejecting God, and being taken captive by Babylon). I promise you that God is faithful, and I appreciate your honesty! May the exposure of our depression bring resources to rebuild our lives and those around us.

My son’s death has opened my heart wider for others who are tempted to despair. God has placed me in the unique position of experiencing abuse, suffering depression,chronic physical pain, and bearing overwhelming loss. Like Nehemiah I cannot hide my sorrow. So do I speak boldly of the need for our hopelessness to change? Yes, I may get some push back, but it is so worth speaking about suicide. Depression is aÂ heavy weight on my spirit and I refuse to share it alone. Resources are coming! Don’t stop crying out!

Posts Categorized: mental health

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