mental health Archives - Page 27 of 30 - Turning the Page on Suicide

Posts Categorized: mental health

Depression, my Jericho Wall: How do I defeat my enemy?

Posted March 11, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Joshua 5:13Â When Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, a man was standing before him with his drawn sword in his hand. And Joshua went to him and said to him, â€œAre you for us, or for our adversaries?â€ 14And he said, â€œNo; but I am the commander of the army of the Lord. Now I have come.â€ And Joshua fell on his face to the earth and worshiped and said to him, â€œWhat does my lord say to his servant?â€ 15And the commander of the Lordâ€™s army said to Joshua, â€œTake off your sandals from your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy.â€ And Joshua did so.

The wall! I expect it these days, so I don’t go running into it full force,but sometimes it looms so largeÂ I can’t breathe. I don’t know what caused this wall of depression, maybe starting another round of insomnia,my kids grief, or my own. It is so real I can see it and touch it. I can’t go further, and I refuse to go backwards, so what are my options?

My option is to cry out to my heavenly father! I cannot move, climb over, or go aroundÂ this wall, but he can.Â In collegeÂ I was reading about Joshua in my Navigator Bible; the caption spoke about the ruins of Jericho. The way theÂ stones areÂ positioned it is clear that theÂ walls fell outward, not inward. A mighty force pushed from the inside!

I need a mighty force knocking down the wall of depressionÂ from the inside. If we are in Christ we have a mighty warrior on the inside–the Holy Spirit!

Acts 2:1When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. 2Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. 3They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. 4All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues^a as the Spirit enabled them.

Much of what has transpired since the death of my son has been through the Comforter (another name for the Holy Spirit). I thank you father for what you have done, what you are doing, and what you will do. Direct my path so that I may be a living witness to your power and strength over depression. This is my Jericho wall!Â You are a force to be reckoned with and no wall can stand against you.Â Â Maybe you have allowed this wall in my life to show others that nothing is too big for you! Not our doubts, not our fears, not our enemies, not depression–nothing can separate us from your love! Thank you for giving me your peace, that makes absolutely no sense in these circumstances. Teach me to abide in your will no matter where you lead me. Amen!

Jonathan’s Hope

Posted March 10, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Dear Reader,

Today I start a new page of my journey. My son’s suicide is a part of my story, and you too may suffer this deep heartache, but suicide doesn’t have to be a part of another parent, friend,Â or spouse’s story. We can Turn the Page on Suicide by being a light in the darkness.

In my sidebar is a link of resources that will now be named Jonathan’s Hope. I ask that if you come across anything that is making an impact in Turning the Page on Suicide, that you will send the link to me and I will add it to Jonathan’s Hope.Â I’m not in your community andÂ I want the resources to be as local as possible. My hope is that we can build a network of hope across the country.

Thank you for working with me to Turn the Page on Suicide and offer hope to others like Jonathan.

Love and Hope to you all,

bkmoore

The Object of Our Agitation

Posted March 9, 2015 | Karisa Moore

My son was very agitated today about surface things that I could see had nothing to do with his anguish. Finally, I heard him sobbing in the other room. “Mommy I can’t stop crying.” I wrapped him up in my arm and rocked him as heÂ continued to talk about the object of his concern, but quickly shifted to crying out for Jonathan. “I miss him so much!” he sobbed.

My heart broke for his grief! Oh Lord, equip me to comfort him. How many of usÂ have those moments,Â we feel anxious about our broken toy, the car that just cut us off, the snow trappingÂ us inside, the phone ringing–all the things that on another day wouldn’t bother us, but today it is just too much. All the time brewing beneath that agitation is real heart ache, longing, brokenness, fear, and sorrow.

Why did God create us with emotions? Emotions tend to squish out in strange ways when we deny them their purpose. I believe that our emotions were created to feel joy, pleasure, interact with each other andÂ ourÂ GodÂ internally and externally–literally to be stirred by God. When the fallÂ occurredÂ our emotions were suddenly stirred by sin, which will always point to us away from God. But, we can learn to lay out our heartache, our pain before his throne so that he can replace our burden with healing. Our emotions always long to be in right relationship with God! Don’t be afraid to lift the veil to reveal your heartache to him, He longs to hold us, and is moved with compassion for our sufferings.Â He may prune away what we think is causingÂ us grief to reveal the root.

If someone around you is agitated about things that don’t seem to match in value do a little gardening. Dig past the surface to the root pain;Â much easier to heal when we correctly identify the source of our anguish. It may just be as simple as being present withÂ your loved oneÂ and listening, but it can make all the difference in the world.

Jesus Redefined Death with His Beautiful Blood

Posted March 8, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Today was all about death. God revealed his active role in my circumstances through worship. I heard the song “Beautiful Blood” by Kutless for the first time this morning, and I cocked my head in disbelief. It referred to death as being sweet. For someone mourning the tragic death of her son to suicide, the opening line was not something I am easily inclined to accept. My spirit is resistant to stating anything about death as beautiful. Death is our brokenness, death is our bodies breaking down, death ends our connection to our loved ones, death is cancer, death is loneliness, death is final.

My pastor called death a bully this morning! Jesus’ friend Lazarus had been dead for four days, and it was impossible to come back from. Death didn’t even have the decency to spare Jesus’ best friend! Why in the world didn’t Jesus save his friend while he still lived? Like Mary and Martha I want to cry out. Say the word Jesus and my son is healed, say the word Jesus and my marriage is restored. You know that I love you, you know that I follow you. Don’t I deserve something extra? Thomas, Jesus’ disciple, responds to the death of their friend by saying, “Let us also go, that we may die with him. Oh, I have never understood Thomas’ grief more than now (John 11).

You and I may struggle to look beyond death, but Jesus has heaven in view the whole time.

He comforts the sisters of Lazarus and his disciples with these words, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” Oh Jesus, I want to believe, help me with my unbelief! Jesus had raised others from the dead, but not after four days in the tomb. The other miracles could be explained away, but not Lazarus walking out of the grave alive. While everyone was celebrating the miracle, Jesus had signed his death warrant.

Today is all about life beyond death because Jesus’ chose death on a cross, in my place. His death is beautiful because he died while I could do nothing about it. I was still caught in sin and he chose me! So his blood is beautiful because I know that my son’s suicide is not the end of my story. God will be glorified.

Yielding Peaceful Fruit of Righteousness: The Results of Discipline

Posted March 7, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Hebrews 12:11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

I shared with you that my son Daniel is learning to play the violin. He is a beginner, but shows real signs of a great musical ear. It is a delight to watch him discover his capabilities. This last week I got a front row seat for a transition in him. His teacher was more firm with Daniel and I saw the look on my son’s face. His response could go one of two ways, either he melted down into tears because he perceived he wasn’t getting it right, or he heard what his teacher was really saying. “Daniel you are too talented for me to let you get by with sloppy playing.” I bit my lip and held my breath watching Daniel process his teacher’s constructive criticism.

“So if I was giving my best, we would be further along in the book?” Daniel asked.

“Yes.” His instructor answered.

From that moment forward Daniel focused and they played a beautiful duet to end the session. Daniel has not been the same this week. He is practicing without much prompting, way past the 15 min we had been requiring, and he has even picked up on how to play the intro to the Star Wars Theme Song just by watching another violinist play it on YouTube. There is a joy, and discipline that wasn’t there a week ago.

What is it that you and I need to take more seriously? God has gifted each of us! Have you taken the risk to find out what that gifting is? Seek the heart of our creator to discover who he has made you to be. Like Daniel and I, you may be in the midst of God’s discipline. We are too beautiful, too loved and too talented, not to embrace our calling. Don’t you dare tell me that you have no gift, I’ve tried that same tactic. To be totally honest I squandered my writing abilities, because I feared rejection, lacked discipline, and didn’t want to take risks. God is changing me through Jonathan’s death, and revealing to me how much my unique creative fingerprint matters. I want to give you comfort and hope in the midst of your trials and circumstances, because God created in me a love for words, they are my violin. There is a drive, and urgency in my sharing my story, because God created my gifts for such a time as this!

Suicide Has a Face: Learning to Offer Hope

Posted March 4, 2015 | Karisa Moore

As a survivor of suicide, there is nothing that makes me recoil worse than hearing, “Sometimes there is nothing that you can do, if someone wants to kill themselves then they will find a way.” The speakerÂ is talking about some abstract, undefined person–not my son. Gratefully I have not heard that too many times, but I have heard it. I have not had the strength to respond until now, not out of condemnation, but out of a desire to offer hope and healing to deeply wounded souls and educate those that desire to help.

My son wanted to live! Everything he was doing, everything that he was planning for was to live a long life. Ironically I’d have to say that I would have fit the above statement better than Jonathan. I made repeated attempts on my life, he made one. I am still here because there were people who never stopped offering me hope inÂ little and big ways, no matter what I might do.

That is the thing, the above statement always comes after someone takes their life. I believe that the speaker is trying to understand something too horrific to ever comprehend. Suicide is not something that we will ever be able to stuff into a box and say, this is what it is! I left no note, Jonathan left a note, some suffer from physical causes, others depression. Our suffering may be different, but the one thing that we all need is HOPE!

Don’t ever stop offering it to me, to those around you just because the task seems daunting or impossible. GodÂ is a god of the impossible! Jesus saw our suffering and mourned with us, brought healing, and hope to those that others claimed were without redemption. I will cling to that hope, because in my darkest days it is my sunshine.

Opening Heaven in my Grief

Posted March 3, 2015 | Karisa Moore

The line was 2 and 1/2 hours from the door to the family. I stood there shaking, unsure whether to flee or stay, my own grief deeply moved by the loss of a dear friend. I knew that I was grieving for my son now,Â in a way that I could not at his funeral. The tears kept coming and I finally stopped fighting them. It just is.

Often, I have heard, the things that you are unable to grieve while you in the midst of shock and pain come out in odd places, and this was mine. As we celebrated Mike, I grieved Jonathan. But, I also saw heaven in a different light. The head knowledge that Jonathan was with Jesus became heart knowledge. I felt that Jonathan was with Jesus, because God gave me a glimpse of heaven through the eyes of Stephen, the firstÂ ChristianÂ martyr. Â The whole trip to Huntington my mind was on the story recorded in Acts 7. As Stephen was being stoned to death he declared, â€œBehold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.â€

For the first time IÂ could clearly see that my son was with Jesus! The heavens had opened and Jonathan saw the glory of his heavenly father. Depression clouds our perspective of heaven, we cannot see who we are or whose we are.Â Heaven was not a place that took my son from me, it is the place that received his weary, battered spirit and restored it!

It is God’s will that are sight is restored in our earthly bodies. (Isaiah 61:1-4) I have been with men and women as they were dying, I have seen the difference between those whose eyes are fixed on things above, and those who cannot see past their earthly goods. A dear woman who I sat with in her last days was ministering to me, even as she struggled to take her next breathes. Another woman spent her dying days cursing others around her, her only relief came when I sang hymens to her. Some see heaven so clearly that it changes how they live on earth, how they treat others, how they see God.Â Heaven is changing me! It makes me look beyond the grave to see thatÂ God is sovereign in all things, even my son’s death.

Wanting to be Heaven Minded So that I am Earthly Good

Posted March 1, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Colossians 3:1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

“They are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good.”, is a falseÂ saying! Yesterday I was atÂ a funeral for a man who was an interracial part of our community, our state, and our lives. Even the Governor and Senator came to pay their respects. Mike’s son shared, “It was not all the things that he did to improve our lives that made him a great man, it was the fact that he loved the Lord his God, with all his heart, soul and mind.” Mike was heavenly minded! I contend, that if your mind is truly on the things of heaven then you will be doing the greatest good here on earth.

I have a son in heaven! To say that he has turned my head towards heaven is an understatement. Jonathan’s death has made me cling to the only one who gave me love, value, purpose and meaning in the first place. Jonathan’s death has forced me to renew the foundation that Christ laid, to strengthen it, and to fix my eyes on Him. Jonathan’s death has increased my longing for things above, and I pray that my longing grows deeper. I want to be heaven minded, because this earth deserves nothing less than my best!

Frankenstein’s Snowman

Posted February 22, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Our longings are poured out.

Shaped intoÂ memories and crafted

moments with you. BuiltÂ out

ofÂ snowflakes, Legos and

tears.Â Bringing to life

our smiles.

Welcome, New Page Turners!

Posted February 16, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Dear Page Turner,

Today my page has been filled to the brim and running over.Â I wanted to take a moment to welcome the newcomers, thank you for your comments and support. As this blog grows it is my hope that it becomes a resource, encouragement, and lifeline to those effected by suicide and depression. Which, I am finding, touches just about all of us in some way. You may have a friend, loved one or even a complete stranger that you are concerned for. Don’t hesitate to reach out, be present, or sit with them. Be sure to vote in the poll I have set up.Â Your answersÂ will help me to formÂ content for new posts, and create resources for you as you engage those around you. Feel free to share it with your readers.

Continue to write your open page turners, I want to read what happens next.

Sincerely,

Karisa

Posts Categorized: mental health

You and I may struggle to look beyond death, but Jesus has heaven in view the whole time.

National Suicide Hotline