“The Lord
is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is
patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to
repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).
Turning
My Page
My bed finally deflated. After three weeks of camping out in the living room, post foot surgery, I made the decision I would brave the stairs to sleep in my bed. I didn’t realize until I determined to press forward into healing how crippled I had become in spirit. Two nasty falls had made me terrified of reinjuring my vulnerable foot. Even when my family attempted to help or push me around in a wheelchair, I would grip the wheel or gripe that they were going too fast. I wanted control of the healing.
But I don’t
get to determine how long the bone, tendon, muscles, or skin take to heal. I
both need to be actively moving my foot to keep muscle weakness from setting in,
and keep weight off it. Time, patience, and a willingness to allow others to
provide for me are all necessary. Oh, how restless I become while dependent upon
others.
God, I treat
you with the same impatience. When I hear another person has given in to despair,
I wonder where you are. When my own children wrestle with loss and health issues
beyond their comprehension, I grow weary. Do something! I scream. I
know you have a perfect plan, but this does not feel perfect. I desperately
want to know my two remaining children will survive their physical challenges
and thrive in life and faith. I want friends and family to know the compassion
and grace of God, and I want the tide of despair in this world to turn.
And God agrees with those desires because at just the right time he entered the world in human form. We were sinners, longing for someone to rescue us from the cycle of destruction we seemed set in. Heal us from our sickness! Deliver my child from demons! Rescue us from oppression. Years and years Israel waited for the Savior and he didn’t come. They poured over scripture, neighboring nations heard of the promised one, and paranoid kings shivered with nightmares of a God greater than themselves. People suffered. Still, he didn’t come.
Just as God knew
his one and only son had to be born at the exact time in history for
Christianity to spread like fire, he enters our pain and reveals his good,
pleasing and perfect will. Do some of us hear the message and reject him? Yes. He
is nothing like I expected. He will never fit into my box of preconceived
beliefs, but he expands my faith to recognize his will is that none perish. Healing
came for all mankind.
Do you have
a fear you need to deflate? Identify any fear that hinders you from moving forward
and embracing life. There are so many heroes of faith. Study the ones in
scripture, study the modern-day heroes of faith. Not even one of you is alone
in fear, alone in circumstances, and or alone in faith. Take courage that you
can stand firm even when your heart feels it can’t.
What fears are currently plaguing
your life and crippling action? List them on paper and then pick one or two
verses addressing fear to meditate on.
Observe others who wrestle fear. What
actions do they take to move forward, what encourages them?
What positive habits do you have, or
will you have that are not based upon feeling? Pick a few to do every day
without fail. These are nonnegotiable.
Lord, I am paralyzed with fear. Reveal the clear next step and help to stand firm when I feel I cannot go further. Amen
I benefit from this anguish. Your judgment that finds faith lacking. You reveal secrets. Pull truth from my heart like a colorful magician’s scarf. I choke on the hate. Vomit anger, and bite down on the bitterness of repulsive slavery. I weep.
And still, you empty me.
Remember my image to me, the heart you canvased in my mother’s womb. Calmed, Loved, Purposed. Brushstroke light, concealed in despair. Display a masterpiece through the shadows of my suffering.
Dedicated to the many children who experience abuse.
I look for hope in the aftermath of my son’s suicide. Last year, I encountered hope playing, speaking, supporting, and praying, inside a high school gymnasium. Almost ten years after Chelsea Ryann’s death her parents, Matt and Jennifer Westwood continue to encourage their community to reach out and reach into to the lives touched by depression, through Chelsea Ryann’s Festival of Hope.
An impressive pool of volunteers, organization, and outreach opportunities greeted me as I explored the many activities offered. People, inflatables, crafts, information booths, joy, and sorrow, connected me to the community. Displayed throughout the Chelsea Ryann Festival of Hope was a God who cares, a community involved, and a family who remains faithful through the hardest of experiences.
Matt and Jennifer took the time to engage individuals and ask how each person was doing. Compassion and understanding were evident in the couple’s eyes, as they hugged me and mourned my loss as well as their own. Both parents admit we didn’t believe mental health was a problem until it became our problem.
Since Chelsea’s death, the Westwood’s immersed themselves in the world of depression and suicide, while also holding tightly to the truth of who they are in Jesus Christ. Suicide touches every age, gender, and demographic and they feel they are responsible for showing their community faith in action.
The
Value of a Life
I participated in the Memory Walk held on the outdoor track where photos shared Chelsea’s story, and signs of encouragement lined the infield, “You Matter”, “Don’t Let Your Story End”. “Chelsea was a smart, witty, amazing daughter, friend, and sister. We had 16 beautiful years with Chelsea”, Jennifer stated in a recent video on their site, but they wish for more experiences with their daughter. In the ten years since her death, many of her friends have graduated from college, married and are starting their families. But Chelsea has no new memories to share.
Chelsea loved hiking at Red River Gorge and once successfully carried her injured friend down the mountain without help. She was up for a challenge and became an innovative problem solver. Matt smiled as he described her as a wiz at Trig. But, as she entered junior high, the outgoing, vibrant Chelsea they knew, was slowly crowded out by dark thoughts, self-hatred, and deteriorating mental health. The school, community, and church rallied around Chelsea to support and encourage her. But in a moment of despair, Chelsea ended her story in 2009.
Thinking back on the day of Chelsea’s suicide, Matt said, The enemy was certainly prowling around that day. The enemy wanted people to think that it was their fault that Chelsea took her life. He looked at Jennifer, I think we both knew we are going to stand strong for these people who have now flooded our living room with tears and regret, and guilt. The Westwoods felt protective of their immediate family and the house full of friends experiencing shock. “We chose the path we did because that is what we believe”, they both stated firmly. “We realized we had to stay strong. Jesus calls us to emulate him, as much as we can”, because others were watching.
Emulating
Christ in Grief
Suicide destroys many marriages but faith, family, and the adversity already experienced strengthened Matt and Jennifer’s relationship. Such commitment did not go unnoticed by the community, others asked how their marriage remained secure. “Why wouldn’t it, was Matt’s response. We need each other. The simplicity of their belief and strength of their convictions emerged from years of practicing a united front. “Never losing hope. That is what got us through. There were highs and lows, but knowing God was always going to be there for us. He’s got our back, even through the difficult times. I never gave up hope,” Jennifer stated.
The Westwood’s teach others through their talks on suicide to lean into the lives around them and ask how they are doing. Jennifer emphasized, “How are they really doing?” They take back the date of Chelsea’s death in March by preparing care baskets for neighbors and friends and visiting to encourage. “Because we have made ourselves vulnerable and open, we have a lot of people who approach us, not just for teen suicide, but for a lot of things.” A prominent man in the community who shared with them he was struggling with depression serves as a powerful illustration for going deeper with our circle of influence. Matt shared, “All these people around him knew him, but very few knew he was battling depression. Because on the outside everyone was like, I want to be that guy. But no one took the time because everyone assumed, he was okay.” The community reached into Matt and Jennifer’s lives as well. Supporting them at work with understanding, time to grieve, and a listening ear.
Jennifer marveled at the support they received and realized how many resources God blessed them with. Being surrounded by so many amazing people “helps us not to lose our hope”, She affirms. Many of those same people who loved Chelsea then, love her now through supporting her memory at the Festival of Hope. Chelsea’s grandparents, siblings, extended family, church and community open their hearts wide to offer hope in the midst of their own sorrow and grief alongside Matt and Jennifer. As I completed the loop, I felt valued, my individual story nurtured and ministered to by the strangers I now call friends.
Signes around the track encourages that your life matters.
Establishing
a Habit of Hope in Community
Through prayer, openness, and vulnerability, Matt and Jennifer designed Chelsea Ryann’s Festival of Hope with their community in mind. Inspired by the work of the American Foundation for the Suicide Prevention’s Community Walks, Chelsea’s family began working with their local community to support individuals and families struggling with depression. They enlisted the help of school resource officers, teachers, friends, and community professionals. Now, beginning their preparation for their 4th festival which will be held this Saturday, October 20th, they encourage us to both celebrate life and value the journey of anyone wrestling with depression. Matt and Jennifer remain steadfast and determined to continue their story to completion. It is good to know their loss is not the last chapter. Chelsea’s story is part of a bigger story. One that includes others experiencing depression embracing hope in Christ Jesus through a community’s testimony of perseverance.
There
is no degree needed to help others, whether you are caring for a loved one or
ministering to others wrestling with depression. Jesus used fishers of men.
Patty testifies, in her
book Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, that
the only requirement is that others can see—you’ve been with Jesus.
If you are in the Nashville, Tennessee area, Patty is hosting a book launch on Monday, September 30th, from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm at Branches Counseling Center in Murfreesboro. Come meet Patty and be encouraged by her testimony. It was a pleasure presenting Patty’s story to you. Â
Scripture
to meditate on:
“Come,
follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for
people” (Matthew 4:19).
“When
they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled,
ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been
with Jesus” (Acts 4:13).
TPOS:
About seven years after your experience, you became the caregiver for your
husband as he too battled depression. What words of encouragement do you have
for caregivers?
It
is challenging to take care of someone who is battling depression, so do not
feel guilty for taking care of yourself, it is vital. You will also feel a lot
of emotions yourself, maybe even frustration or anger. Don’t beat yourself up
for feeling that way, many of those feelings are perfectly normal emotions.
This is a lot to take on.
TPOS:
How does a caregiver take care of themselves during their loved one’s crisis?
Eat
well, stay hydrated, make sure you are getting enough rest, stay in the Word.
In fact, my relationship with the Lord went to a whole new level. I clung to
Him during that season of my husband’s depression. Join a support group. Get
into a bible study. Take breaks. Go have lunch with a friend. Take a bubble
bath. Give yourself time to recover and recuperate.
TPOS:
Is the Bible silent on depression and our response? How can we encourage others
through God’s Word?
The
Bible is not silent on depression. Even though it doesn’t use the word depression, it
uses words like despair, gloom, downcast, oppressed, misery. God’s Word is
life. Continue to speak that Word of life over people. I encourage others to speak God’s Word out
loud. Often, I would take the Bible and march through my home and proclaim the
Word of God out loud.
TPOS:
Why is it easy to hide depression?
Actually,
it is not easy to hide depression. It’s work. It’s a conscious choice to hide the depression. There’s a
stigma, and as Christians
aren’t we supposed to be exuding peace and joy? Aren’t we supposed to be happy all of the
time? We don’t want
to admit, especially to our church, we are not okay. We come to church and
often wear the mask more because we think we have to look like we’re okay.
TPOS:
As a newly freed from depression, a believer in Christ, what training did you
receive to share hope to others?
None.
I was just invited to share my story. God gave me a testimony, and testimonies have a way of reaching people in
ways nothing else can.
TPOS:
What does the church do well in addressing depression?
The
church is really good at encouraging people to stay in the Word. They can be a
wealth of information and can
help you find direction. They can guide you to counselors, resources,
and contacts to find help. I would like to see church leaders receive training
on depression and how to handle depression, rather than referring them to others. It would be great if people could
actually come to someone in leadership who knows how to talk with them, direct
them, and help them see the root. In Finally
Free, I offer tips on how to handle someone who comes to them with
depression.
TPOS:
In what ways does the church need to grow in its response to believers
wrestling with depression?
As
mentioned in Finally Free, it’s important to treat
the whole person—body, soul, spirit.
Encourage
pastors and leaders that their input, encouragement, and inspiration as a
spiritual leader is so important, because the spiritual
element of the treatment plan is often missing.
TPOS:
What should be the church’s response to unbelievers struggling with
depression?
I
was a non-believer battling depression. Once I started to turn to God, that is
when I was set free from depression. In the book, I address depression from a Biblical perspective. For example, sin and
rebellion can bring on depression. Living separated from God and doing our own
thing can bring on depression. I was released from depression by turning to
Jesus and allowing God to be my life.
TPOS:
How does a church begin developing a ministry of awareness and discipleship for
those wrestling with depression?
We
offer basic training for the church. Our materials help train leaders to see
and address depression from a biblical perspective. We explore the causes of
depression from God’s Word and what God says will help cure that depression.
TPOS:
“…unless we’re familiar with depression, it can go undetected until
something drastic happens.” What should we watch for in our loved one?
Watch
for changes in their normal behavior. Is there a change in eating
habits—gaining or losing weight? Do they start sleeping more than normal? Do
they start turning to drugs and alcohol? Are they pulling away from friends or activities they once
enjoyed?
If
you are dealing with a teenager, it can be difficult to determine if they are
dealing with depression or if it is peer pressure, academic stress, lack of sleep, or a bad
diet. This can be difficult for even a trained counselor to discern. I have a
teen and depression sheet that
offers keys to building communication with your teen, warning signs, knowing when to get help,
and helping your teen to beat depression, I’d be happy to send out if you email me at [email protected]
TPOS:
How can lay people reach into the lives around them struggling with despair?
Listen.
Be supportive, don’t criticize or condemn what the person feels, even if what
they are saying doesn’t make any sense. Sometimes a depressed person just wants
to talk about what they are going through, and not feel like they are alone.
TPOS:
How can we pray for your ministry?
Pray
for Finally Free, that God would open doors and
allow us to continue to offer this message of hope. Pray for those reading it,
that their lives would be changed by hope and healing through Jesus.
TPOS:
Final thoughts?
You are not alone. There is hope. What I thought was devastation, God saw as an opportunity to draw me near and change the trajectory of my life. Depression is not the end; it can be the start of a beautiful beginning.
Finally Free
Patty Mason is an author, national speaker, and the founder of Liberty in Christ Ministries. For more than two decades, Patty has shared her story of God’s redeeming grace and deliverance from depression before numerous audiences, in several books, blogs, and magazines, such as Lifeway’s “Living More,†as well as radio and television programs, including American Family
I look up to
the mountains;
does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.
He won’t let
you stumble,
your Guardian God won’t fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel’s
Guardian will never doze or sleep.
God’s your
Guardian,
right at your side to protect you—
Shielding you from sunstroke,
sheltering you from moon stroke.
God guards
you from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you always. (The Message,
Psalm 121)
TPOS: You took the
risk to share your depression. What was the response?
It wasn’t what I
thought. When I finally got the courage to start opening up to my family and
friends, they didn’t criticize me, they didn’t condemn me. This is what I
feared. The depression was coming out through fits of rage, and I was abusing
my oldest daughter, so I was worried about their reaction. But, to my surprise
and amazement, because I had worn the mask so well, they brushed it off. They
didn’t believe me. They just didn’t understand the seriousness of the
depression.
TPOS: Describe your
experience of seeking professional help for depression. What was the response
of counselors?
I remember the day,
with a phone book in hand going down the list of all the professional doctors I
thought could help me. I had this get fixed quick mentality. If I could just
get some pills, I would be fine. I called one doctor after another, only to get
responses like: I’m sorry, we don’t take your insurance or I’m sorry
we don’t handle that kind of depression. I got to the very last doctor on
the list, and a very kind woman answered the phone. She listened to my
heartfelt plea, only to tell me at the end of our conversation, I’m sorry,
but we can’t help you. When I hung up the phone that day, I thought I’m
alone in this, no one can help me. When I realized, not even doctors could help
me, that is when I began to contemplate suicide.
TPOS: You have given us insight into God’s reasoning for hardening hearts. You say your heart became harder towards God, and it caused you to cry out differently. Describe that moment. What happens when we cry out to God for help?
I became angry at God
because he didn’t answer my prayer. I became suicidal, convinced the madness
was never going to end and death
was the only way out. I turned to God as a last
resort. I knew he had the power to let me live or die. But at first
I was coming to him with what I wanted, and when he wasn’t giving me what I
wanted, I hardened my heart toward Him. We always make the choice first to
harden our hearts toward God.
When I got to the
point that I was crying out to him in a different way, it was a
make-it-or-break-it day for me. I felt as if I had been ground into the ashes
to which I came. At this point, I believed, that if God didn’t do something
that day, if he didn’t intervene, I feared I would. I could not go on one more
day. I cried out to God one last time, only this time it wasn’t ‘God, take my
life.’I opened my heart to the possibility that God
would do something different. “Help me!†I cried. I confessed to God that no
one could help me, only He could help me. I tried to fix myself before I sought
family and friends. They couldn’t do anything, so I turned to doctors, and they
couldn’t help, so that’s when I turned to God. This was pivotal because I’m now coming to God with this
confession. That could have been what he was waiting for.
The same day I was crying
out to God, I thought I heard a faint voice say, “Go to Mops.†I didn’t want to
go to MOPS. At that point, I had been avoiding it, because when I became
suicidal, I stopped going. I didn’t want to pretend anymore. But then I heard
the voice a second time, “Go to MOPS.â€
TPOS: How long were
you involved in MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)? Did someone invite you? What
was the draw to this ministry for you, even in your depression?
I had already been
involved in MOPS for a couple of years. I heard about the organization, and it
was a way to take another break. I could get out of the house and have a break
from my kids.
TPOS: The MOPS speaker probably didn’t come to speak with the idea of saving someone’s life, yet her words resonated in your desperate heart. What would you say to the person in ministry or connecting with coworkers in the workplace about being present in the lives of others?Â
Are you trapped under the weight of depression? Where is help? Where are the answers? …
Never underestimate
the power of your words. Even when we are in ministry or dealing with
coworkers, we can talk to them and think we are not making a difference. You
never know how God is taking your words of encouragement to touch and change
someone else’s life.
So with my son in tow,
I went to MOPS. I put on the mask. I ate,
conversed with the other moms, laughed and smiled. I even did a craft, which I
hate. The speaker was delightful. She talked about lack of joy and lack of
purpose, and how the only way to find real joy is in Jesus Christ. Now, she
didn’t talk about depression, but she started tapping into an area I was hungry
for, and that was joy.
When she was finished,
she showed us a little brochure and said that if anyone would like this
brochure to meet her in the back of the room. Well, I thought the answer was in
that brochure. I watched her make her way to the back of the room, then I got
up and followed her. Standing in front of her, and it was like a dam broke. All
of this emotion came pouring out through sobs and run-on sentences.
I was causing a scene, but I didn’t care. Not even when I realized every woman in the room was staring at us. I didn’t even try to shut it off, I just let it all come out. I remember this woman didn’t say one word. A lot of people have asked me, “What did she say to you?†She didn’t pray. She just stood there, made eye-contact, and listened. Without saying a word, she reached out and touched my left arm, just above the elbow, and when she did, the crying and run-on sentences stopped. Nausea in the pit of my stomach was gone. The dark cloud that followed me around for so long lifted. All of a sudden, my soul felt light like it had taken on wings and could fly around the room. I was stunned. She stood there staring at me, and I at her. I felt something from her that I had never felt before. Even though she didn’t know me, there was a sense of compassion. I felt like she understood. There was like this liquid love oozing, poured from her. I realize now that was Jesus. I was feeling Jesus in her.
TPOS: Have you been
able to keep in touch with this woman?
Yes, I have kept in
touch with her for over twenty-two years. She prays for me, my family, and the
ministry. (She did not know what happened at the time. It was at the MOPS
appreciate the night, six months after my transformation, that I spoke about
what happened. She was in the audience and learned what God had done for me
through her.
TPOS: You said the
freedom kept coming. How many people stop here? Okay, I’m free of depression,
what must follow? (The ten healed lepers)
Once we start having
some relief, sometimes we just go on with our lives. But, for me, I felt such
gratitude that I could not stop thinking about Jesus. Up until that point, I
hadn’t given God much thought. I grew up in the church. I believed in Him, I
even believed Jesus died on the cross, but I had no relationship with Him. I
only prayed when I was desperate. I never read the Bible. Jesus was the last
resort. But now there was this sudden flip or shift where I couldn’t stop
thinking about Jesus, and it all stemmed from this sense of gratitude.
TPOS: I love that you
point out many mighty warriors of faith who struggled with despair, another
word for depression. What about Christians who are struggling with depression,
how should they deal with their depression?
I have a lot of
believers who approach me after I’ve shared my testimony and say, “I can
understand why you were depressed; you weren’t a believer. But I’m a Christian,
so why am I depressed.†My first question to them is, “Are you in the word
regularly?†And to my amazement, most of them say they are not. In the book, I
give a lot of questions and things for Christians to ponder. For example, are
you comparing yourself with others? What are you believing? Do you believe the
lies of the enemy over the truth of God’s word? We have an adversary, and he
can make us feel oppressed, which feels like depression because the symptoms
are the same, but it is really a spirit of heaviness that the enemy has cast on
us. How are you identifying God? What do you believe God is saying about you? Are
you compromising in your walk with God?
TPOS: You state in
your book that God doesn’t just want to set us free from depression; he wants
to dig up the root. What resources did God use to address the root cause of
your suffering?
He didn’t want me to just
know the power of His healing, He wanted me to know Him. One week after He
healed me, I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Then I got into God’s word
and allowed that truth to feed my soul. Then God started to show me some of the
root causes of the depression. This was not easy, but in order to remain free,
I had cooperated with the process. This is where a lot of people can get stuck in
the process because it is painful, so they stop cooperating with God. But the
end result is worth it.
TPOS: Explain the
differences between Renovation and Restoration. Why is Restoration so much
better?
When you renovate
something, you fix it. When you restore something, you put it back in its
original state. Jesus did not come to fix us; he has come to restore us. When
we receive Jesus, by grace through faith, we are justified before God, or put
back to the original state, just as if we had never sinned. If we go through this
restoration process with him, we will stand before Him a radiant bride, pure,
spotless, wrinkle-free, blemish-free. We will be restored back to our original
state as God intended us to be.
What role does
forgiveness play in addressing depression? Are there other steps that need to
occur before we attempt forgiveness?
Unforgiveness can
cause depression. I had to forgive the people who hurt me. Forgiveness is a
daily choice until we come to the place,we are set free. You
may not feel like forgiving the person who harmed you, but you must make that
choice first. Then ask God to help you to forgive as He forgave you in Christ.
Resentment and bitterness will remain in our souls without forgiveness. The unmerciful
servant in Matthew is an example of the emotional torment we will feel until we
are willing to forgive:
“Then, the master summoned him and declared, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave all your debt because you begged me. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had on you?’ In anger the master turned him over the to the jailers to be tortured, until has should pay back all he owed†(Matthew 18:32-34).
Finally Free
Patty Mason is an author, national speaker, and the founder of Liberty in Christ Ministries. For more than two decades, Patty has shared her story of God’s redeeming grace and deliverance from depression before numerous audiences, in several books, blogs, and magazines, such as Lifeway’s “Living More,†as well as radio and television programs, including American Family
Patty Mason is a living testimony that God is not distant from our anguish. Though other types of depression are clinical, Patty attributes her depression to attempts to fill the hole in her soul where God should reside with things that did not satisfy. God set her free through the quiet touch of a woman who had no idea of the impact she would have on Patty.
God set her free from depression and invited Patty to learn more about his love for her. For more than twenty years, she has developed her relationship with both God and others struggling with despair. She ministers and equips others to learn to discover, embrace, and live in freedom through Liberty in Christ Ministries.
I will post our interview in three installments. Patty’s answers speak life and hope into the darkness and oppressive grip of despair because she offers no less than what God offered her.
As we conversed about her book Finally Free: Breaking the Bonds of Depression Without Drugs, Patty focused her answers on what she has seen and heard of God’s work in her own life. She didn’t make broad and sweeping comparisons about the depression experience, but instead, she passionately described the consistent character of Christ no matter our history of despair.
Our stories of depression are individual, but God’s story of freedom for all mankind is the same. Patty declares with passion and compassion; God is restoring us as his bride, and despair loses its grip in the hands of a loving redeemer.
Interview:
Turning the Page on Suicide: You open Chapter 1 by distinguishing depression as a constant battle bringing on overwhelming feelings of sadness, rage, and hopelessness. Describe why a depressed person can’t just snap out of it and choose to be happy?
I don’t know why we can’t snap out of it. I know I couldn’t. My husband loved me, I knew he cared about me, but he didn’t understand what I was going through. I think his attitude was,˜Oh, you’ll get over it. A lot of people ask the same question. We all have sad days, or days we feel off, but that is not depression. Depression is a very deep and dark place, and it’s not someplace we can just snap our fingers and automatically get out of, no matter how much we want to be free.
TPOS: What are some ways people responded to your depression in the early days? Were friends and family aware of the shift in your behavior?
No, not at all, I tried to give the impression I was perfect. I wore the mask way too well and covered my emotions. I didn’t let people into my world. In fact, I didn’t let my husband in that world for a long time.
TPOS: You say in Finally Free, I never saw the depression coming, nor did I realize how much it would steal from me. Is it possible to be prepared for depression; to create an emergency kit for the pits of life?
Depression gives off warning signs. Before the symptoms of depression become visible, I exhibited frustration and anger, which indicated something was wrong. Our life experiences, even if they seem trivial at the time, do affect us either positively or negatively. If there is trauma in your past, then start looking at it, don’t sweep it under the rug, and think, I’ve moved on, and that’s the end of it.
TPOS: You credit your desire to find yourself, and later speak of success as representing “a notch on the belt of life that told the world I had worth. Young men and women often talk of self-worth or finding their identity as they are beginning their adulthood. What were some of the things you thought would give you self-worth?
Adventure was my first journey, I traveled quite a bit. Actually, travel became a drug. I was so addicted that I no sooner came home, I started to plan the next adventure. Next, I turned to men, then family to try and fill that void. I thought marriage and children would fill me as a woman.
TPOS: Relationships and marriage offer the opportunity to feel valued and special, but why can’t another person complete us? Why is it so easy to lose our identity in marriage?
If we look for someone else to complete us or tell us who we are in order to find our identity, we will come up disappointed every time. The only way to find our true identity is to connect to God through a personal relationship because he is the one who created you. He knows who he desires you to be, and when you tap into a relationship with Jesus, you will discover your true sense of worth and purpose.
TPOS: How does the world look at motherhood? Why do our children not fill the void in our soul?
The world today doesn’t look at motherhood the same way it did fifty years ago. Back then, motherhood was critical; it was a woman’s primary role. Today the world tells you that it’s not enough to be a mother. You have to be successful in all these different areas of life. This was a great struggle for me as a young mother. Prior to marriage, I had a career, but my husband and I made the decision that I was going to walk away from that career and become a full-time mom. I thought that was a wonderful decision until I went to different events, like my husband’s Christmas party or some other event with women who were in the workplace. The minute I told them I was a wife and mother it was like my brain fell out of my head. Suddenly I wasn’t interesting, worth anything, or successful. This made me feel very disappointed and disillusioned about who I was as a young mother. I even started looking down on myself because other women looked down on me.
TPOS: You said, For all this time I allowed a world that didn’t have the faintest idea how to live tell me how to live. When piling up all the things the world says are of value and finding yourself still unfulfilled, what do many turn to at this moment?
It depends on the person, but sadly, many people turn to addiction. Drugs, alcohol, social media, video games, anything that will distract them from feeling the emptiness and the void that is in their soul. The place they couldn’t fill with success or money or career or power or whatever else they try to fill it with.
TPOS: Describe the moment you knew you were depressed. Because you weren’t ready to share, and frankly others might not have been willing to listen, understand, and offer encouragement, what choices did you have with the recognition of depression?
Depression has a root. Just because you are not feeling symptomatic, doesn’t mean there are no underlying roots. That is what happened to me. At the time, I didn’t realize I was depressed because I was still pursuing what I thought would fill me. It wasn’t until I had everything I thought was going to satisfy me and make me happy, and it didn’t. When nothing I pursued filled that void in my soul, that was when I began to realize I had fallen into depression.
TPOS: What are your recommendations for anyone who has experienced deep trauma in childhood, just starting into adulthood?
Don’t wait. If you have gone through something in your past, in childhood or your teen year, don’t sweep it under the rug and think it’s in the past. Whether you have been physically or sexually abused, or experienced verbal abuse, where someone spoke hurtful words to you, or you experienced bullying in school, take a look at it. Don’t wait. Ask yourself some tough questions. Take a deep look at what you went through. How does that trauma make you feel when you think about it? What emotions does it stir up in you? I highly recommend a counselor, or trusted friend, to help you sort through those emotions. Someone who can help you dig into your past so you can start to understand what you are feeling. These emotional wounds and feelings are embedded in your soul, and unless they are exposed they will continue to fester and grow over the years until finally face them. Maybe ten years from now you start to have emotional breakdowns, and you will have no idea where they are coming from. (Continued on 9/19/2019)
Finally Free
Patty Mason is an author, national speaker, and the founder of Liberty in Christ Ministries. For more than two decades, Patty has shared her story of God’s redeeming grace and deliverance from depression before numerous audiences, in several books, blogs, and magazines, such as Lifeway’s Living More as well as radio and television programs, including American Family
“‘Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith will not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers’†(Luke 22:31=32).
All of us have a betrayer. A person who knows our inner workings and wounds us deeply. Jesus understands our wound of betrayal intimately.
He was surrounded by betrayers.
Pharisees held the prophecies of His coming in their hands but denied Jesus was the Son of God. Crowds of followers who witnessed miracle after miracle, raised their fists in hatred when it appeared Jesus lost favor. And his friends? There wasn’t a single disciple left in the garden to stand with Jesus as he was arrested.
I too am a betrayer of Jesus.
I knew as a little girl that he was real, walked the earth, was God in flesh, but I rejected Him because He did not meet my expectations. How could a good God allow me to be abused? How could a good God withhold solid friendships? How could a God who cared allow so much evil in the world?
Yet, knowing every last one of those who followed Jesus would betray him, Jesus chose them. Knowing his mother and brothers would laugh at him and reject the gospel he still chose to be born into a family. Jesus knew I would reject him, and yet he still called me, loved me, and never stopped being present in my life.
When I am lax in dying to self, which I have been over the past few months, I am tempted to turn away from God. Two weeks ago God placed a question squarely in my soul. My insomnia and pain were unbearable and I was tempted to throw in the towel on God. He asked, Will you betray me?
I confessed my bitterness, stopped playing the victim of humanity, and submitted to His will. In one desperate cry, my oppressive insomnia was shattered, my attitude was lighter, my whole household noted the transformation. Joy and peace entered our home.
Any person who supports us in ministry is susceptible to the same sinful nature that Peter, James, John and the rest of the disciples displayed. We are human, we are tempted to go our own way, fall asleep when others need us to keep watch and hurt each other with false beliefs. Are you prepared for your betrayer?
PREPARED, not paranoid. Looking for people to hurt us requires distance, fear, and overthinking every action of another person. Preparing for letdowns in relationships requires love, sacrifice, keeping no record of wrongs fasting, praying, surrendering to God’s will, and discernment. This dying to self is nothing short of physical death. Jesus almost died before the cross. He really needed the support of his friends.
There was no one willing to walk into the garden, stay awake, and die on a cross with him. In my 44 years of living, I have observed pastors, deacons, lay leaders and children all fall away from following Christ. There is not a single one of us that is not vulnerable to this temptation given the right environment. Cheat or lose your job. Commit adultery or stay in a loveless marriage. Harden my heart after losing my son, or stand firm, knowing Christ will use my sorrow to save others. We all have betrayal moments.
God made a way for us to turn like Simon, confess our betrayal and love each other as he loved us first. Stronger, more resilient because we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the forgiveness, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry
about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will
wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than
clothes.Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they
have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable
you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your
life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about
the rest? –Luke 12:22-26 NIV
Dear Page Turners,
A little goldfinch visited today. I am quite sure she tapped on my window a year ago, her strange behavior still the same. She was more interested in what happens inside our home than anything outside. She sat, looking directly at me, tilting her head. Then she landed on the sill for closer inspection. Neither the barking dog nor the kids frighten her away.
My little friend is a love note from God. Love notes are moments when God does something that wows me. I’ve received many of them throughout the years, but this was extra special because it reached through the haze I walk through these days and stirred my heart. My problems are deep and multi-layered, but God’s is faithful.
She sat there looking at me and declaring with every little twitch of her
head. “He loves you, he values you, and he is providing for you.” She
spent about an hour with me her last visit, but I easily dismissed the visit as
a passing “interesting” moment until she returned today.
How quickly I forgot He loves me when the mess of the year’s problems seemed insurmountable. The little finch’s appearance as I walked into the office caught my attention. God reminded me to hope. He knew I struggled in my exhaustion to look at his many provisions for my family, so he made his promise clear through my little feathered illustration.
Are you soured by circumstances? Cynical about the knowledge that God is
good because all you see and feel is bad? Do you frantically scramble to fix
whatever is wrong in your life? Come to the window with me. Look at a little
bird whose only thought today was to serve her master in a big way.
May I be a little bird for you. Tapping on your heart to remind God sees and values you, and he is very much in the midst of your loneliness, your despair, and your prayers.
Suicide doesn’t water down faith with flowery prose about God. I take my doubts to the mat and wrestle with who He is.
Depression is the resistance between my will and Yours, God. Sacrifice, daily dripping sweat, as I work out belief on the gym floor of reality. Muscles cry out through the strain of discipline.
But still, You coach me beyond what I think I can accomplish. “Just one more breath!” Shaping and toning my soul into Your image. Turning heads with a foxy endurance that is not of this world!
National Suicide Hotline
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/
