faith Archives - Page 18 of 21 - Turning the Page on Suicide

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Sewing New Memories into the Fabric of Life

Posted April 28, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Acts 1:23So they nominated two men: Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias. 24Then they prayed, â€œLord, you know everyoneâ€™s heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen 25to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs.â€ 26Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles.

Bitter-sweet day yesterday. Natalie had aÂ field trip to our local baseball stadium (yes, she held my hand the whole time). It was so much fun, but something about the trip caused me great sorrow as well. When we first moved to this state, I painted a mural of the ballpark for Jonathan’s room. The last time I was at a game was last year for my anniversary while in the midst of planning Jonathan’s funeral. His birthday is on Mother’s Day this year. Being at the ballpark brought all of those things to the surface.

I know from other survivors that this is quite common and that it is important to sew new memories into the fabric of my life, so I’m glad that I went. When Jonathan was little we brought himÂ to a game early for autographs. He got a helmet and his catcher’s mitt signed. That night he slept with the glove on his hand and the helmet on his head. It was such a sweet image in my mind.

The disciples were fresh off the crucifixion and resurrection.Â Jesus spent forty days preparing them for ministry, Christ ascends to heaven, and now what? Now they pray!Â Now they select a new apostle to replace Judas. Now they wait for the Holy Spirit. Much of this year has been spent learning to wait. God’s instructions were clear to me; he has been removing stumbling blocks, teaching me patience, healing my anger and replacing it with compassion. Showing me that his way is the best way. May each of you be open to the new thoughts, new memories, and new experiencesÂ that God wants to sew into the fabric of your life.

Lord, I praise you for this amazing crowd of witnesses! I give you this day. Do with it what you will. Amen

Shield of Faith

Posted April 27, 2015 | Karisa Moore

I think my uncle, aware of how deep theÂ spiritual battle for myÂ family is,Â thought we should have aÂ larger shield of faith.

Perfect Loves Sweeps Out Fear

Posted April 26, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Perfectly loved, unafraid because

You make yourself

comfortable in my heart.

Wallpapering my soul

with scripture,

flinging open windowsÂ andÂ locked doors

to the sunshine of your joy.

Removing stumbling

blocks

Removing doubt that clutters.

Lifting my face

to gaze into your

unblemished love.

Choosing

me.

AdoptingÂ me.

You are my mirror

Reflecting truth

I refused to see,

Showing me my heart

the way you see it, strengthening

my love to laugh again.

Love: The Hand Scarred For Me

Posted April 25, 2015 | Karisa Moore

You woke me from the terror of my nightmares,

said I was worth your time, your pain, your cross.

You didn’t shy away from my stains

From the sorrow I could not repay.

You awoke my desire

A fire for something

beyond self

beyond limit

beyond fear

you lit

path

until I

became You.

Holding out my scarred hands

Lightening another soul’s nightmare.

Where Can I Go For Help

Posted April 22, 2015 | Karisa Moore

“Do you have your exit buddy?”–Crush (Finding Nemo)

When I began my healing process my counselor had me create a crisis sheet. Steps to take, people I could trust, ways to protect myself. One of the most important parts of the plan was having the person I could call at a moments notice and they will be there. Dori was that fish for Marlin in the movie Finding Nemo. She was loyal, insightful, an encourager, good listener (even if she had no short term memory) Who is your fish?

When Jesus sent out the disciples he sent them out in pairs. Why? Because this world is going to have obstacles and they are much easier to climb when we are not alone. My kids went to aÂ warehouse that had a floor to ceilingÂ climbing wall. Neither made it to the top the first time. Even though the spotter told them what to look for their fear made it hard to listen. Defeated they went on to other activities. Natalie was the first to go back to the wall and try again and this time she knew that the harness would hold her, so that fear was gone. She climbed higher, but still got stuck and looked like she was going to give up again.

The spotter (without aÂ harness mind you) climbed up the wall beside her and coached her on how to climb. She quickly made it the rest of the way. At the moment she was ready to quit, the young man was her partner to the top. Who is your partner in those moments of depression? Please hear me the other person doesn’t have to be perfect, but they do have to have certain qualities that you are currently lacking. They need to see the bigger picture of your goals when you get stuck in the middle. Who is your exit buddy! ?

Tempo is discipline!: Finding our God given beat

Posted April 21, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Matthew 11:16 â€œBut to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to their playmates,

17â€œâ€˜We played the flute for you, and you did not dance;

we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.â€™

18For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, â€˜He has a demon.â€™ 19The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, â€˜Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!â€™ Yet wisdom is justified by her deeds.â€

Today I got a lesson on rhythm. I used a metronome to help my son find the beat for his violin lessons. He is learning eighth notes; having to stay in tempo has had him tangled up and frustrated. In an instant he went from haphazard, it sorta sounds like â€œCan-Canâ€ to it really sounds like â€œCan-Canâ€.

Now just to be clear, I love beat when others are creating it, and actually gravitate towards rap music, which emphasizes beat. If you see my minivan windows vibrating, now you know why. You will often see a rapper moving his or her hands in a back and forth motion that are short and long. They are staying within a structured meter.

I struggle with keeping tempo in my writing even though I studied the meter greats for my writing degree. I found trying to squish words into a rhythm annoying! Just let the words have their say was my belief. Unfortunately it wasn’t my teachers belief and this course was my lowest score in English. Beats, whether in writing or music, are discipline and they matter! And I STRUGGLE with disciple! I feel that what I’m trying to say gets lost in the beats, or the beat gets lost in what I’m trying to say.

Obviously it not an impossible task because many talented writers and musicians find the beat. The rapper and beat become partners, singing to and around each other; plotting out poetry that is flexible, alive and active. But can I create a beat myself? Can my writing set a tone in your lives? Absolutely! Jesus’ ministry was Allegro (fast and upbeat), whereas John the Baptist’s preparation was Grave. Why were two God commissioned men preaching so differently? John was the transition from the law of sin (death), to abundant life in Jesus Christ! They both set different tones with the music they played, but both brought repentance, redemption, and restoration to those chosen and willing to follow. It says that there is an order and purpose in each note that we play. It also says to me that each of us will play our own God given tempo. The things that don’t change are Christ provider of our beat, prayer, scripture, fellowship, and witnessing. Every single powerhouse in scripture had these five disciplines as part of their music. Some of us may be playing Ode to Joy and others Visee-Allemande Grave, but both take discipline . . . who knows, with God’s help I may try my hand once more at that iambic pentameter.

Depression, an Opportunity to Change the World

Posted April 18, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Read Nehemiah 2:1-3 And it came about in the month Nisan, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, that wine was before him, and I took up the wine and gave it to the king. Now I had not been sad in his presence. 2So the king said to me, “Why is your face sad though you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of heart.” Then I was very much afraid. 3I said to the king, “Let the king live forever. Why should my face not be sad when the city, the place of my fathers’ tombs, lies desolate and its gates have been consumed by fire?”â€¦

Speaking up about depression brings about change! Remaining silent keeps us stuck with our own limited resources. But, what do we do when we are depression spills overÂ at work? Is it worth the risk sharing our struggle with our boss, our coworkers?

Nehemiah’s job left no room for mistakes. He was the cupbearer for Artaxerxes, a powerful king who would not have tolerated down cast servants in his court, even if they were friends. But, today when he punched his time card for work, hisÂ mind wasn’t on serving the king, it was on the ruins of Jerusalem and the king can tell something is not right. Nehemiah has just finished fasting and praying for help in the 1^st chapter.Â Could the king be the answer to his prayer? He is afraid because his depression is now exposed to his boss. God has given him favorÂ with the king, but is it enough?

With depression comes possibility. Things are not okay! Maybe there are legit reasons why we mourn. There is so much suffering and oppression in the world, and our depression is the chasm between our reality and how the world should be. The quicker we acknowledge our desire for relief, the sooner resources come. Certainly Nehemiah’s is down cast for good reason. Israel is in ruins and in chapter 1 he declares that it is because Israel turned their back on God. He cries out to God. He doesn’t try to dismiss his anguish, orÂ put on a happy pretend face which might have kept him safe. He risks speaking the truth. The king gives Nehemiah charge over rebuilding the city walls and gates andÂ even sends letters for materials to be provided. Change occurred because of Nehemiah’s depression was out in the open!

The whole world suffers from depression. Those of us who recognize things are not as they should be have an opportunity to make the world a better place. Since Adam’s fall into sin, we went from walking with God, to hiding, from enjoying the good things given to us to despising, and from satisfaction in God alone to seeking position, possessions and power to determine our worth. There is not a single human being or animal that was not affected by the curse of sin and death. Since depression is the natural state and consequence of our disobedience, what hope do we have?

Nehemiah. . .

Acknowledgedâ€”took note ofâ€”his reality
He mourned and laid out his heartache before God
He fasted and prayed
Shared his burden with his friend, the King
He spoke up
The king provided
He trusted God and began to rebuild

What makes us sorrowful? Depression is a good only when we allow it to motivate us towards change. I am aware that some of you who follow my blog are in daily pain physically and emotionally. There seems to be no relief from what you are experiencing. My heart aches for you. Don’t lose heart, don’t give up! Take one step today to open yourself to God’s resources. Nehemiah’s burden didn’t just appear over night, the ruins of Jerusalem were years in the making (a product of their rejecting God, and being taken captive by Babylon). I promise you that God is faithful, and I appreciate your honesty! May the exposure of our depression bring resources to rebuild our lives and those around us.

My son’s death has opened my heart wider for others who are tempted to despair. God has placed me in the unique position of experiencing abuse, suffering depression,chronic physical pain, and bearing overwhelming loss. Like Nehemiah I cannot hide my sorrow. So do I speak boldly of the need for our hopelessness to change? Yes, I may get some push back, but it is so worth speaking about suicide. Depression is aÂ heavy weight on my spirit and I refuse to share it alone. Resources are coming! Don’t stop crying out!

I Have Hope

Posted April 17, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Inspecting the painÂ blossomingÂ in my soul,Â Â I

Have tenacity that is nonsense in society’s chatter.

After all that I have experienced in my

Very short life, I have developed an

Eternal perspective that refuses to be held down! Jesus,

He was not a victim of sin, so I am not a victim of infliction! Helping others–my balm.

Opening my heartÂ to infinite possibilities keeps me

Pressing through–pain is but a speck on my timeline and I

Expect good things from a God who hears.

Give Impossible Circumstances to the God of Possibilities

Posted April 8, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Turning My Page

Impossible Circumstances are no match for

Edgar Allen Poe dug up Annabel Lee . . . or so the ghost tour guide in Charleston, South Carolina wanted us to believe. Often times we take bits of truth, such as Poe wrote a lot about dying women and he is shrouded in mystery and blow them up into legends.

Behind Poe’s poetry on death was a real person, who himself may have been stuck in grieving and trying to figure out, is death the final blow. His father abandoned him, and his mother died when he was only 3. His siblings were split up and his foster family was tumultuous at best.

He did not have guidance into firm and secure adulthood and, I believe, became stuck in an impulsive and impetuous childhood as an adult. He tended to alienate others because he had a sharp tongue and used it often. Drinking and gambling became two of his fallbacks when life was not going his way. He could neither manage success nor enjoy it. Poe’s life seemed destined to fail. His final words were reported to be, “Lord, help my poor soul.”

We have a real enemy who loves to attack our children. Jesus warns that the punishment is severe for those who harm our children (Matthew 18). Some of us have been born into abusive families, some of us endure hardship after hardship, and some of us have chosen our own destructive path. I am working on reading the Bible cover to cover this year and one thing is clear: GOD IS NOT LIMITED BY OUR CIRCUMSTANCES! From Adam to the end God turns the darkest of circumstances around. Rahab the prostitute is in the lineage of Jesus, Joseph the slave, saves his family who sold him into slavery, Roman occupation into the stage for a cross, a death, and a resurrection.

Poe, like many of us, could not see the possibilities beyond his circumstances. I tell you the truth, not even death can stop us! Jesus’ enemies thought that by cutting off the head the disciples would fall apart. They were almost right, the disciples could not see past their fears or the grave. But, when Jesus arose and continued ministering and preparing the disciples, this band of rag-a-muffins became a powerhouse of restoration to the sick, poor, lost, hungry and all those whose circumstances seemed impossible! So, don’t think for a second that what you are experiencing is beyond hope.

Posts Tagged: faith

Turning My Page

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