Marinated memories tenderized by time,
simmer and sizzle with laughter on the grill.
Still tender pink and moist with grief.
Yet, each bite bursting with the fresh flavor of hope.
Search Results for: hope
John 20:11But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb, and as she wept she stooped to look into the tomb. 12And she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head and one at the feet. 13They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?†She said to them, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.†14Having said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing, but she did not know that it was Jesus. 15Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?†Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.â€
Death =Â Â How serious God takes sin.
Resurrection = How serious God takes forgiveness.
I stand between the tomb and the resurrection. It is so hard for me to not stare into the darkness of the grave expecting to see the mangled body of my son. It is harder for me to look into heaven and see the resurrection power of the Son of God in the life of my son. Our pastor reminded us this morning that the men and women who ran to the empty tomb did not have the full context of what was happening, like we do.
Even with the full implication of the open tomb-death where is your sting -I am like the women headed to the grave to anoint the body. The followers believed that their hopes and dreams were buried with the miracle-working rabbi. No matter how much I have seen of God’s faithfulness, no matter that I myself was dead in my sins and made alive by the love of Christ, the resurrection power is not yet fully at work in me. I don’t believe that resurrection can happen in my circumstances. Heaven is distant and the grave is up close and way too concrete for me to embrace the freedom and power God’s perspective has for me. I am still morning who I thought Jesus was to embrace him right now even though I know he is calling me by name.
Father, you are patient with me. I feel the soil of grief more than the seeds of your presence with me. What is it that you are teaching me about heaven? Open my eyes that I may recognize you, my gardener and savior when you are standing right in front of me! Help me to embrace the resurrection of Jesus so that the fullness of your forgiveness can be revealed in me. Amen.
15Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?†Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.†16Jesus said to her, “Mary.†She turned and said to him in Aramaic,b “Rabboni!†(which means Teacher). 17Jesus said to her, “Do not cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’†18Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lordâ€â€”and that he had said these things to her.
Sucking in the stale air
of depression, regurgitating
regret day after day.
Throw open windows!
You broke the seal of
our tomb of circumstances.
Resurrect the fresh fragrance
of hope planted in the sunshine of our dreams.
Filter life through the curtains of our mourning soul
and invite us to
open our eyes to Spring.
I deposit poems,
like pennies, into
the bank of your soul.
Crack open when
you need to splurge on hope.
“At some point, everything’s gonna go south on you and you’re going to say, this is it. This is how I end. Now you can either accept that, or you can get to work. That’s all it is. You just begin. You do the math. You solve one problem and you solve the next one, and then the next. And If you solve enough problems, you get to come home.” –Mark Watney (The Martian)
I have had a multitude of troubles thrown my way, but I can honestly say, I have never been stranded on Mars. In the early days after Jonathan’s death a friend asked, “How are you doing this? How are you able to function?”
My answer, “I’m not.”
I knew several things almost instantly the day Jonathan died.
- This was hell on earth.
- I could not stand in this furnace alone.
- I would grieve with hope.
Galatians 2:20“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”
I live, because Christ lives. The more I am crucified with Christ, my fleshly desire to have Jonathan alive dies. So many of us do not get over losing our children because it is a way of keeping them alive in our minds. God does not say, “Just get over it.” He mourns with us! At the same time he invites us to the realization that God will be glorified. We cannot stare longingly at the grave of our past and expect to resurrect what is not within God’s will. We must keep our eyes fixed upon the cross if we want to live.
I wrestle with this aspect of God’s character, but I also know he did not spare his own son. When Jesus started talking to the followers about “eating his flesh”, many walked away. (John 6:53) This is a hard teaching! Will I leave Jesus because I cannot fully get my mind around what he is asking of me? No! Who else in this world has changed my life. Who else has loved me like you? You are the Christ and my salvation is in you alone.
I am finding that the cross is the juxtaposition of Christ! Opposites collide on the cross– life and death, pain and pleasure, law and grace, sin and holiness, shame and glory. On the cross Jesus understands, both my deepest sorrow, and the heights of his fathers glory. And as I die my spirit is revealed more and more. I pray that I too, one day, can fully state. “Into your hands I commit my spirit.” I don’t have to scramble, alone, to solve enough problems to get home. Christ already solved them for me on the cross. I’m already home!
Hope, lit in abstract is easily
Snuffed out by passionate loneliness.
Attempts to breathe, clotted by
veins scarred by sorrow.
Eyes, scaled by experience and
Belief,
Closed in sleep against the cruelties
Of the world.
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I’m not afraid to climb into the ditch with you,
I’ve dug this grave before.
Grave digger turned grave robber.
Joined, a band of brothers and sisters, saturated
In the oil of faith,
searching tombs of darkness for a pulse, because you matter
To me.
The torch of our souls leaning close to
living corpses already making beds of graves.
Relentless in calling Lazarus from the
tomb. It is not your time yet.
I am hope, concrete with dirty fingers.
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Evidence of grit–
Heels dug into turf
in repetitive resilience.
Battered souls
wilted weary
by devastating
defeats.
Coached back up
to the surprise of
of our enemy’s doggedness.
Shoulders pressed forward
against all odds.
Hope faithfully
gains ground with eyes
firmly fixed on the end
zone of belief.
Packaged patiently within pain
is the gift of possibility.
Unopened. . . or open does not change content.
Bitterness and despair torn open and discarded,
like a shiny exoskeleton no longer attractive.
My passion–hope secreted within the gift of sorrow.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.
Lord, help me to see you as more substantive then my sorrow, my depression. I see the evidence things not seen. I know you are here with me, but it is not enough to fuel my hope.
Father I know that you are good. Like Job I will be able to say that you giveth and take away, but still I will choose to say, blessed is the name of the Lord! But, also like Job I want curse the day I was born.
Master, I was not there when you lay the foundations of the earth! I cannot pretend to know the deep and mighty works of your hand. I cannot count the stars. I do not know how the caterpillar transforms to a butterfly.
I do not understand why you have taken so much from me. I do not pretend to know your purpose in so much grief. I cannot brace myself like a man and face you down like I am on level with you.
Father, I know that you hear my desperate cry! My body is so weary of this life. Daddy, please reveal to me your plan of salvation. Strengthen these bones that you have broken that I might be a witness of your glory! May the world see that you truly bless the believer 10 fold whatever you require from us.
Yes, you break us down, but you build us up on a new foundation–it will not shift like sand! The strength of our new structure of faith is stronger and more beautiful then anything we can build with our own hands. Father I want to be a mighty oak of righteousness, on display for your splendor. May your mighty works be fully met in me, that the world may know that you are a good, mighty, and a just God! Amen.
I feel so small!
Lamentations:320Surely my soul remembers And is bowed down within me. 21This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. 22The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail.…
Matthew 26:38Then He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.”
Sometimes our body betrays our attempts at escaping depression. Chronic pain, chronic insomnia, chronic stress all break down our body. In other words, our body comes into agreement with depression. So when we begin to change our thinking and our actions the body doesn’t always respond, sometimes because of physical illness it will never be able to respond and at times it out and out rebels.
I often joke that I’m so used to chaos that panic ensues when I experience something normal. Anyone who has ever had an addiction can attest to the war between the body and new habits. Caffeine withdraw can cause headaches, because our body becomes used to caffeine and craves it. Our body can crave depression.
Don’t lose heart when the body doesn’t respond to hope or new habits of acting in faith. Keep forming new ways of thinking, interact with humanity because it IS the right thing to do, not because it feels right. Do what is good, even if the body betrays you.
National Suicide Hotline
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/