Posts Categorized: devotional

The Discipline of Depression: Finding What Works in the Midst of What isn’t Working

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

What do you do, no matter what? Especially if you suffer from depression, I’d really like to compile a list of helpful habits as a resource to others. Since Jonathan’s death the two places that I am most under attack are in the car, and in the late evenings. I have limited the amount of driving I do. My mind is a landmine of destructive thoughts when I am exhausted, so opening myself up to even the news in the evening seems to fuel depression as I try to sleep.

Categories:

Daily habits that lift your spirits

Example: Singing hymns

Making my bed (seems small, but completing this task daily leads to bigger completions)

Scriptures you bring to mind

The habit of avoidance:

Not staying up late alone

Avoiding TV after 9

Peace in Midst of Sorrow

Peace in Midst of Sorrow

Jesus Set the Bar Too High

Matthew 25:37Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,f you did it to me.

I have been reading the story of Hosea this week. Hosea was an amazing prophet, told by God to marry a prostitute as a living illustration of Israel’s unfaithfulness to God. I won’t fill in all the blanks for you, but as we read the story we see a beautiful Old Testament example of God’s overwhelming love for us. When I asked the group discussing the story, can we love the unbeliever with this level of self-sacrifice, the comment was made, “Well Hosea and Jesus set the bar pretty high for us.” This isn’t the first time that I have heard similar statements. “Well Jesus was God, that how he could keep from sinning.” “He had supernatural power, that why he could endure the cross.” “ I can’t forgive on that level because I’m not Jesus.”  It can become so easy for us to downplay or up-play Jesus’s deity, depending upon our day to day perspective, and whether we want to get our hands dirty with the depravity of man.

Our minds struggle to accept both God’s right judgment of our sin which requires death and his overwhelming love which leads to life–both held on the cross at the same time. How can we hate what is evil and love without conditions all at the same time. I was reminded during counseling training on Friday and Saturday that only God says when to shake the dust off of who is unrepentant. I don’t get to pick who I believe is worthy of God’s grace. The Church has ill equipped us for ministering to the lost, and for that I am deeply sorrowful!

How do we turn this around? We began seeing the harvest around us, the hunger, the needs, the brokenness in others by seeing and accepting our own depravity. Apart from God I am dead in my sins. My own circumstances included a pastor and his wife taking me in when I was pregnant and homeless. That love and sacrifice spoke volumes to me. It didn’t take me long to realize I wanted far more than the world could offer me, but there are some it takes 20 years or more! Are the believers willing to sacrifice, come along side, endure rebellion for that long? We need to be if we are taking up our cross daily and following Jesus.

Past or Present: The Finish Line is Ahead not Behind Us

Grief is not made for fence sitters. At this level it will either make or break you, there really is no in-between.. Grief reveals what you believe in your heart and then begs the question, “What are you going to do about it?” Do we define ourselves by what is taken from us or by what God has given to us?

Last night I melted down. Not because of bad things, but because through Jonathan’s death others, also deeply struggling,  are choosing life. As good and amazing as those miracles are, I found myself saying, but I want Jonathan! Natural right.

Actually those of us who believe in Jesus Christ, who are being led by the Spirit and not our nature, need to be maturing towards believing death where is your sting! Otherwise, every time I am reminded of what I have lost rather than what has been gained, I am undone, derailed–my faith unravels. For some this may sound a bit uncompassionate, but let me give you some clear examples of what I’m talking about.

Would you want a surgeon operating on you who couldn’t get past the patient he just attempted to save that didn’t make it? Or would you marry someone still pining over the boy or girlfriend that they didn’t marry? That would be miserable!

I am a miserable Christian if I am still burying my dead and not following Jesus’ example.

Philippians 3: 11that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.. . .13Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

The power of the resurrection is that what lies ahead is far greater than anything we leave behind! Like Paul I cannot claim that I have made this power central to my character yet. I have the head knowledge of this truth, but it has not penetrated my heart. The Lord has revealed (vs. 15) that heaven, and being with Jesus forever is still very abstract to me. But, Father I ask that you become my finish line! Open my eyes wide to your truth, your love and help me to mature in faith. May I become more focused on the living and celebrate with you that life is springing forth from Jonathan’s death. You are keeping your promise to me. Amen!

On Borrowed Tomorrows

13Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” 14Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. 15Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.”…

The days do not belong to us, they are the Lord’s. How differently do we live with this verse in mind? Would we wake up and  rather than hit the snooze button, or go down the litany of our to do list, or worry, we instead asked, “Lord, what is your will for this day?”  There is freedom in the revelation that the day was never ours in the first place. It is the Lord who provides our daily bread, who builds or tears down, and it is the Lord’s to do with it what he pleases. What is expected of us in each day? That we believe in him! That is enough, and out of our joy everything else falls into place.

Jonathan’s death is shifting my focus from ownership to stewardship. Every time I switch from opening my hands to the Lord being enough today, I sink. Every time! I’m coming to realize that at the heart of grief is the realization that I can’t and He can. If each day is mine then I follow my will for that day (usually into the pit of sorrow), but if I humble myself and allow the Lord to teach me to number my days correctly, then every moment is an opportunity! Jesus corrected the disciples perspective on time, their days, and their position in those days. While the disciples kept jockeying for the right or left throne in the Lord’s kingdom, Jesus showed them that the greatest were the least, that money and power were not equal with holiness, and that God appoints time, not man. When these men accepted and embraced that God’s will is done on earth as it is in heaven, they became instruments of God’s will in every life they encountered. Open prison doors, shaken by heaven. became an opportunity for salvation, not an escape from circumstances! Acts 16:25-34 There is not a single moment that is wasted by God!

But oh how much time we humans waste pretending that we are in mini gods, planning our days and years! We build mansions that are devoid of love. We watch others live fake lives on TV, never really finding out what today was meant to be. We are the most effective when we acknowledge that our tomorrows are borrowed from God almighty. The best plan is for God to teach us to number our days correctly.

Proverbs 19:20 Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days. 21Many plans are in a man’s heart, But the counsel of the LORD will stand.

Leaping, Shouting, and Singing

Proverbs 15:13 13 A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.

The irony was not lost on my friend and I. The day we chose to do this photo op, my usually cheerful baby was having none of it. She was mad and crying the whole time. Sometimes our heart is sad, because it is broken by deep loss. Many times, even when I am laughing my eyes give me away. I got free crazy bread just the other day because the cashier thought I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. I want my words, my life, and my example to flow from a heart filled with unexplainable joy. I am just plain not there yet, so how do I transition from a sad to a joyful heart? Important Note: Scripture doesn’t say HAPPY, it says JOYFUL. I am not happy that my son is dead. I’m not happy that there is so much pain, sorrow, sickness and fear dominating us. I’m not happy that friends I hold dear are faced with divorce. I’m not happy about many things.

Happiness is very fleeting, but joy raises weighted shoulders, so that I can lift my arms to the heavens to give thanks no matter what crashes around me. This isn’t a blind action, you go into joy eyes wide open, joy must be intentional. Some of the most oppressed people are also the most joyful. Their hearts are wide open the possibilities in their suffering. They discipline themselves in reading scripture, fellowshipping together, prayer, and witnessing (attesting to what the have seen and heard).  Oh Lord, may I become so saturate in the joy of your presence that leaping, shouting, and singing become second nature. Amen.

God Puts on the Breaks While Pride Attempts to Move Forward

Leviticus 26:19‘I will also break down your pride of power; I will also make your sky like iron and your earth like bronze. 20‘Your strength will be spent uselessly, for your land will not yield its produce and the trees of the land will not yield their fruit.

Hebrews 6:1Therefore leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us press on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God. . .

I was putting forth a whole lot of effort, but wasn’t getting anywhere fast. I am out of shape, but the ground was flat and I was on a decent bike. The breaks were malfunctioning and telling the bike to stop while my pedaling was attempting to propel me forward.  Finally the breaks locked up with a loud screeching sound and riding it was now impossible.

Do you ever find yourself exasperated at impediments and saying, “Why is life so hard?” You are putting forth a whole lot of effort in your Christian walk, your witness, your relationship with God and yet feel exhausted and fruitless. Time to check the breaks. Sometimes we are stalled because God is putting the breaks on pride. It is so easy for us to fall into the cycle (all pun intended) of pride. Thinking that we’re winning the race because of own efforts–we are all that and a bag of chips! God is a good parent, and he won’t hesitate to strip us of our medals if we are using drugs (anything but him) to enhance our ride.

Other times we are the ones putting on the breaks because we are on a faulty bike. Our upbringing, abuse, brokenness, and insecurities are constantly halting any solid progress because we are unsure of God’s character, don’t trust him, keep using worldly thinking, or just plain don’t know we are in a system that is not working. Saul (renamed by God: Paul) thought that he was killing Christians in the name of God. He was raised to think a certain way, and these people of “The Way” were, in his mind, blaspheming God. God slammed on the breaks of Saul’s forward progress on the road to Damascus, letters in hand, to preform mass killing of Christians. God slowed Paul up with blindness, and opened the eyes of his soul to Jesus “whom he persecuted.”  God put Paul on a new bike.

Mom offered to push my bike and let me try hers. With very little effort, I was practically flying down the trail. I expended so much unnecessary energy on a bike built to go, that was putting on the breaks the whole way. Our Christian walk can be much like this. We are moving forward, yes, but we are spent in the process. We are still operating in old mind sets. We are in the pew, but resisting Christ. It feels like two steps forward and a whole lot backwards. When I began taking my thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ my forward progress became easier. Christ said that we would bear much fruit when we are following him. If I am not, then it is time to check the breaks!

I’m Guilty of Passing Judgement

Colossians 2: 13When you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions, 14having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.…

James 3:9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.

James 4:12There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

“Who are you to determine who I decide to invite to my table?”

It is always strange to think, the prodigal son just as easily can become the older judgmental brother. But, that is exactly what I became as I struggled with my ex wanting a larger role in Jonathan’s life than he had previously attempted to have in 7 years. He wasn’t asking, he was demanding it. And the quote above are the exact words God spoke to me while I paced in the back of the church during a sermon on the Prodigal Son Parable.

“But, he is not even repentant!” Was my argument with God. There are so many people in this fallen world that it may be easy for us to pass judgment upon. Forgetting how much God has forgiven us. My response may be like yours to the horrid actions of Josh Duggar, Bill Cosby, and Jared Fogle. They are not even repentant Lord! When I hear the harm has been done to children, and for the record, I have been that child, well I–I want to cast the largest stone. That God died on a cross for these men, and for those who hurt me, is hard to comprehend. But he did!

In taking a look at almost all of the scriptural situations where Jesus gave forgiveness for sins, it wasn’t after repentance, it was before.

The adulteress woman–caught in the midst of her affair and no indication that she asked for forgiveness

The paralyzed man brought to Jesus to be healed–not looking to be forgiven, he was looking to be healed

The disciples–all would fall away as Jesus was being arrested, yet he chose them!

I think that our world has a very messed up, hypocritical and condemning perspective on sin, particularly sexual sins when it does harm to others, especially children. But, we hold those very same sins up as freedom of expression and dare I say rights when we think that it affects no one but ourselves. It is my body is our mantra! My thinking changed drastically when a second heartbeat began beating under mine. I knew that my drinking could do harm to him, so I stopped. Instantly I became aware that my actions were transferred to a baby who had done nothing to deserve the consequences of my sin. What was happening inside me was a microcosm of Christ’s actions for the entire world. But here is the kicker, Jesus pursued me before I hit rock bottom and finally cried out to him, not after.

While you and I didn’t even realize we needed him, Christ died for us. It isn’t based on our deserving it, it isn’t even based upon any of us ever getting grace figured out. He who knew no sin, became a sin offering because Josh Fogle, Bill Cosby , Josh Duggar, Karisa Moore, _____________, are loved by their creator.

What these men have done is clearly wrong, and they will be judged rightly by God. We too can clearly call sin, sin in order to restore those around us to a right relationship with God, but what we cannot do is cast the first stone. Only the one who knew no sin can condemn rightly. So where does that leave us?

  1. Remove our own logs (sin) (Matthew 7)
  2. Pray that God’s will is done on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10)
  3. Forgive as the Lord has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13)
  4. Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger (James1)

The bottom line is this: “Our lips must be governed by the law of kindness, as well as truth and justice.”–Matthew Henry

When the Devil Throws Things At You

1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

No one wants to be in the car with me. I get the craziest stuff as obstacles to dodge at 65 miles an hour. A large cooler . . . twice, a tire iron, bales of hay, a car, trash cans, deer, and on Wednesday it was ladders off a work truck. But, as someone reminded me yesterday, I was protected each time. So, riding in the car with me is the safest place to be!

How alert are we? Satan is bound to throw things at us when we are operating in faith! Do we take for granted the discernment of the Holy Spirit (our live in counselor), or deflate the power of temptation, or the greater power of God’s love for us? At least 4 times the enemy tries to kill Jesus before the cross, as a baby, just before he began to minister, and in the midst of a mob of angry people. How was the threat dodged?

  • Awareness of the Threat (Matthew 2:21-22)
  • Obedience (Matthew 2)
  • Knowing Scripture (Matthew 4)
  • Retreating (John 11:53) * Note, he didn’t stop preaching, just didn’t do it where the threat was heightened
  • Divine Intervention (John 10:39)
  • Giving Jesus our anxiety (1 Peter 5:8)
  • Resist by being firm in faith (1 Peter 5:9)
  • Follow the example of spiritual warriors  (1 Peter 5:9)

Keeping my Eyes Fixed on Heaven, Where the Sun Never Sets

Hebrews 12:2 …fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

How do we turn the page on the darkness of suicide? Sometimes it feels like we are fighting an invisible and silent monster that steals our children, our spouse, our friend right out from under us. It can happen in an instant or a long drawn out torture over years. Suicide is brutal and depression relentless. My depression started at age 6, and I still feel its claws attempting to draw me backwards into oblivion at age 40. The monster keeps us from our purpose in this life being fulfilled. It may be my thorn in the flesh, but Christ is my light, my sword and my compass. The relationship he has built with me since the age of 20 has proved to me that there is purpose in my sufferings.

Christ suffered our most pervasive sorrows. He hungered, he thirsted, and he was wounded. He was deeply burdened by the state of humanity, he got very little sleep, he was persecuted, and abandoned by those who should have loved and understood his mission the most. The cross loomed before him and he grew more deeply depressed the closer he got to the cross. In a way despair was the final temptation of Christ. It almost killed him before he made it to the cross. And from the cross he cried, “Daddy, why have you abandoned me?” Isn’t that at the heart of our rejection of God, we want to be rescued from our despair. And if he doesn’t we believe he isn’t able or a cruel God. But . . .

Joy is set before us. What did Jesus have as his finish line? His joy was being with his father! Oh dear reader can I share that joy with you? When the Lord and his pleasure in us is set in our minds we can bear any cross! If you have never experienced your heavenly father in such a way to motivate you in this life, here are just a few reasons why he is our joy.

  • Hebrews 2:9-10 We will be crowned with glory and honor in heaven and are made perfect.
  • John 14:2 God’s house there are many dwelling places prepared for us.
  • Ephesians 1:3 Blessed us with every spiritual blessing
  • Revelation 21:22 And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. 23And the city has no need of the sun or of the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God has illumined it, and its lamp is the Lamb. 24The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it.…
  • Isaiah 60:20 Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.

Oh for such a day when sorrow ends! I can take hope and not lose heart when my eyes are fixed on the things of heaven. I encourage you to taste and see that the Lord is good in your suffering. Jesus said that if you have seen me, then you have seen the father. (John 14:7) The monster of suicide and depression is no match for the light of heaven. Lets set the joy of being with God before us.

On a Mission from God is not just for the Blues Brothers

Not every day you see a man and his goat walking down the street! But that was the unique view out my car window yesterday. Today I found out that Steve-the man and Leroy Brown-the goat, are trekking across the United States because they felt called by God to do so. According to their website: “The goal of Needle2Square is to raise enough funds to purchase an orphanage and land for Uzima Outreach [Kenya] so they can have a more permanent location and become self-sustaining.” What is your mission?

We all have one. A God given purpose on this planet. When I was much younger I heard the story of Bill Borden and it left a lasting impression on me. He was a young missionary who turned others towards missions and brought many of the hardest hearts to Christ. He was extremely wealthy and could have lived a safe and cushy life, but he was so burden for world that he found his reward in Jesus Christ. He made an impact wherever he went, turning many at Yale, where he attended college, towards God. He ministered to those the world rejected as hopeless. But, while preparing in Egypt to minister to Muslims, Bill contracted spinal meningitis at the age of 25 and died. Game over right? Not the end of Bill’s story at all.

His mission influences mine today. Once again his words from his journal came back to me and encourage me as I prepare to minister to those most say are without hope. “No reserves” and “No retreats,” and “No regrets.” Those words send many missionaries today out into the field. In Borden’s short 25 years he did far more for furthering the kingdom than most do in a lifetime. Why? Was he somehow different from you and I, was he more blessed, more charismatic, more godly?

No! He was simply more obedient. That is all it takes for you and I to stop tripping over sin, and getting tangled up in doubts, and watered down Christianity. Again from Borden’s journal,  “Say ‘no’ to self and ‘yes’ to Jesus every time.”

Paul said that he had learned the key to being content no matter what his circumstances, whether he had a lot or a little. He could do all things through Christ who strengthens him. (Philippians 4:12-13) Borden had grabbed that same key, and now I grasp ahold of it as well. Not only can I obey Jesus every time, but he gives me the strength to do so! This isn’t a key for a select few. It is a key for all of us. How cool is that. About as cool as seeing a man and his goat on a mission from God raising funds to help Kenya! Can you commit to saying yes to Jesus every time?

Suicide & Prevention Hotline

National Suicide Hotline

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/