Posts Categorized: faith

Fireworks on Easter!: Celebrating Our Freedom in Christ

Posted July 6, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Galatians 5:1 It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

“We should have fireworks on Easter!” A friend declared as we discussed Colossians on Sunday. We all laughed, but she is right. Christians have a freedom given to us that no law, no country, no philosophy and no religion can ever take from us. That is something to celebrate! Even if the United States were to crumble and our ‘Independence Day” be no more, our freedom comes from a cross and our God sacrificing himself for us so that we no longer have to live under the tyranny of sin.

So the question is, do we live in that freedom? Can you imagine any slave, once given their freedom, choosing to go back to that slavery? Yet we Christians do it all of the time. If Paul is having to tell the Galatians to live in the freedom, chances are good they were choosing to go back into the yoke of slavery. In this passage Paul mentions circumcision (belief that the law through circumcision saves us), sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, and orgies. The church is fresh from the resurrection and is choosing to return to things had enslaved them before their salvation. And the church of today is just as susceptible to returning to slavery. The rate of divorce is just as high in Christian marriages as it is in secular. The church is filled with back biting, grudges, idols, strife, jealousy, sexual immorality, fits of anger, dissensions, divisions etc. How in the world can we model freedom of Christ to an unbeliever if we keep returning to it when we don’t think God is meeting our desires?

This week I came face to face with some of my own slavery. I sat there cross armed and anger boiling inside me. The person across from me was revealing to me some idols she saw me worshiping. I’ve got news for you, idols aren’t just statues we place on our mantle. They are anything that we place above God, and anything that we are willing to sin to achieve.

For me, one idol is that I can somehow keep my two little ones safe. On the surface it is a good desire, but if I’m willing to sin to meet these desires then I’m not living in the freedom of the cross. At the core I don’t think God is capable of keeping them safe so I attempt to be God for them. Beneath every motive for sin is a belief that God will not meet my needs and desires.

Another idol lay hidden beneath the statement “no one will ever hurt me again”. One of the characteristics of Christ that I wrestle to accept and emulate— he didn’t fight back. He was spit upon, falsely accused and did not defend himself. This is a major strong hold for me. I keep having the same conflict over and over because self-preservation is my idol. “Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” (John 12:25)

I don’t have to live chained to idols. I can have freedom by keeping in step with the fruits of the Spirit.

The fruits of the Spirit (freedom) are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. That deserves some fireworks!

Freedom scriptures:

Romans 8:21

1 Corinthians 7:21

2 Corinthians 3:17

Galatians 5:13

Ephesians 3:12

James 1:25

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I Don’t Know What My Life Will Be Like Tomorrow

Posted June 30, 2015 | Karisa Moore

James 4:14Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. 15Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.”

I don’t remember what we were doing the day before my son died. I know that I prayed for Jonathan, I was in the habit of that, and since Brian had taken the week off for vacation we were having fun with Daniel and Natalie, but I don’t remember the details.

We don’t know what the next moment holds–celebration or pain. We are commanded to neither be in fear of the next second nor hold so tightly to things staying the same that we miss out on the joys that come in the morning. Today my kids built an amazing domino tower. I cleaned the garage and started a step program. I held Natalie who doesn’t feel well and scared the snot out of Daniel who was attempting to scare me. I laughed, I sang, I prayed . . . and I turn the page.

Tomorrow I open my heart wide to what the Lord has for me in that day.

Love Always,

Karisa

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This I Recall: Remembering God in My Sorrow

Posted June 29, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Lamentations 3:20Surely my soul remembers And is bowed down within me. 21This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. 22The LORD’S loving kindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail.…”Who we remember determines what we remember.” Can’t remember where I read that quote, but it has stayed with me. . It is not my son’s suicide that defines my life, but Jesus Christ. He is who I remember today, and it changes July 1st for me in a way that nothing else can.

I literally feel you praying for me today. From the moment that I awoke I felt a joy that makes 0 sense on the cusp of my son’s death. Therefore I recall:

  • God’s breathtaking pursuit of me in the midst of my rebellion
  • That he wooed me with a tiny little heart beat that promised life in the midst of my depravity
  • That God was my husband, father to my son, and my daddy all rolled into one as I stumbled into faith and motherhood
  • The mystery and beauty of my “little” 10lb 10oz Jonathan (Gift of God) as I cradled him in my arms for the first time
  • The joy of taking shape with Jonathan
  • Endless hours of Lego creations, car racing, and baseball games
  • Laughter, oh the deep and joy filled laughter
  • Watching Jonathan’s personality, his faith, his love and compassion blossom
  • Dreaming big
  • New adventures
  • Even in the midst of my heartbreak last year I find God present in the words left on my son’s Facebook wall, in the living room filled with prayer, and in the miracle of scripture, prayer, tears, teens, horses, writing, and planting seeds of hope

Thank you Jesus!

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Anniversary Letter

Posted June 17, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Dear Reader,

The day my eighteen year old son’s suicide is fast approaching and I don’t want to celebrate. It was a horrible, mind numbing, and life altering day of deep agony. I don’t want it to be an anniversary of his death, but a day we chose to live! I want it to be the day that you declare “You knit me together in my mother’s womb, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that full well!”

I want it to be a day that we reach beyond barriers to share that we matter to each other. I long for it to be a day that the one thing you thought you couldn’t accomplish that you complete. I want it to be a day that every breath matters. I want it to be a day of thanksgiving. If you haven’t begun, may it be a day of beginning. I want it to be a day that you realize that all things are possible through Christ! I want the things that lie dormant in each of us to see sunshine and blossom. I want you to write another word, another sentence, another paragraph and another page until your book is complete.

Your life touches mine. We aren’t separate, we aren’t isolated, and your story matters to me and so many others. There are so many things accomplished by people in deep hardships, how can we not look at their witness and break the chains of depression? How can we not root each other on to complete our mission. Be bold, be courageous, and be sure footed in your journey. You may have struggled with turning the page on Jonathan’s death, on the death of other friends, on divorce, on illness—turn the page. God turned the page on sin and death through his son dying on the cross. The disciples turned the page of resurrection to share what they had seen and heard. We don’t need to torture ourselves, we don’t need to prove ourselves and we certainly will never earn grace. Each day is a free gift. Love, live, and write each moment well! That is the anniversary I will celebrate.

Sincerely,

Karisa

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Grieving With the Mouse

Posted June 14, 2015 | Karisa Moore

What I’ve learned about grieving while having extravagant fun:

1. Your loved one should be present at the event, so don’t expect your laugh, your plans, or your new life to not have the “empty chair” feeling. (I miss my rollercoaster partner.)

2. Honor their memory by being present with those around you.

3. Keep it simple. Complicated plans tend to unravel more easily, as well as tempers, when your emotions are raw and healing.

4. It is okay to have down time. Rest if you need it.

5. Do something that you would have done with the person. (Mount Everest was awesome!)

6. It is okay to cry.

7. Just keep swimming! One day you will find healing and have many adventures to share along the way. Who knows . . . you might see a Sea Turtle along the way!

Life's new Adventure.

Life’s new Adventure.

Finding Nemo Musical

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Questions for those who Grieve

Posted June 9, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Been a bit occupied with a certain mouse these past few days so I haven’t had a chance to write until today. Extravagant fun is hard for me. I know its early, but I’d kind of like to stop searching for Jonathan in the crowd. I know where he is, but it is like my whole system of being needs a reboot. For eighteen years my son was a part of my everyday living in someway, and though I know no one is wanting me to erase him as if he never existed, there is an expectation for me to enjoy what I do have in front of me today.

As I grieve, evenings are the hardest. I’m weary, my defenses are lower, and I seem to get more gut punches after 6. I tend to go inward, rather than connect with my surroundings. So I’m trying to figure out how to move through those hard moments. Any suggestions from my fellow grievers? How do I manage the darker moments without disconnecting from my family or the good memories that could be developed.

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Not My Will But Yours Be Done: Learning to accept God’s Sovereignty

Posted June 5, 2015 | Karisa Moore

John 19:26When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” 27Then He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.

As I was going to sleep last night, a thought popped into my head. Mary lost a child to a brutal death. In fact she lost at least two! James, her biological son with Joseph it is believed was stoned to death for preaching the gospel. This is no mother’s plan! Mary had to be numb and collapsing as she saw Jesus, the son of God, being crucified on the cross. God did not tell her that this was the road to salvation. It is safe to say that she was not in agreement with the dangerous path Jesus was walking. In her wisdom, she wanted to keep him safe, just as she had always done. She remembered fleeing from Cesar when Jesus was a baby. She remember how this precious life changed her very existence as he grew in her belly. She had done everything she could to sustain him, to keep him alive, to be a good steward of God’s amazing gift. Surely him hanging on the cross was not God’s will. Jesus did nothing as she expected. And yet, even from the cross Jesus was concerned for his mother and providing for her.

No matter how great the plan we make as a mother, God’s plan is better. He has the end goal end in mind, when I cannot even see the finish line. His love is for all of humanity. My love is for a few. His judgment is not clouded and mine is darkened by my own selfish desires. His path is consistent, he neither wavers nor stumbles. God’s plan for Jesus was perfect. God’s plan for Jonathan was perfect. Oh, how weighty those words are for me! They are bitter in my soul. Please hear me, while God did not cause my son’s death, he didn’t stop it either–AND HE IS COMPLETELY ABLE TO! To accept God’s sovereignty in my son’s death is one of the hardest hurdles in my faith. Yet I have believed that he is sovereign in the good things in my life. Why not in death as well?

He has a purpose in allowing Jonathan to die, and as I learn to open myself to the possibilities in his purposes may the friction between my will and God’s will be removed. What is happening in your life right now that you find yourself saying, “Surely this is not the will of God.” Are you battling cancer, is a loved one ill, have you lost your job, is your marriage in shambles. Can we pray as Jesus prayed?:

Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what’s best—
    as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You’re in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You’re ablaze in beauty!
    Yes. Yes. Yes. (Matthew 6:9-13, The Message)

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Survivors of Suicide Support: Reaching out for understanding

Posted June 2, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Today has not ended as it began. I was down, really down. I mean so far down that the enemy attempted to take ground long since won in my life. It was that way until just an hour ago when I went to my once a month survivor’s group. I felt so dead inside as I walked into that crowded room. It seemed like each person touched a different part of my heartache and gave me permission to be where I am. As I left I determined two things.

1. It is okay for me to enjoy life ( Jonathan would dismiss what I now see as guilt for living as silly.)

2. It is okay for others to be where they are. Not everyone will understand my grief and I don’t want them to, because if they did, it would mean that they too have lost a child to suicide.

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The “Window to the Soul” is Through the Eyes of Jesus Christ

Posted June 1, 2015 | Karisa Moore

Isaiah 53 3He was despised and rejectedb by men;a man of sorrows,c and acquainted withd grief;e
and as one from whom men hide their facesf he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

How did Jesus do it? How did he see past the masks to see our brokenness in the context of our soul’s deepest needs? “Man looks at outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7) Is that our problem? We never get past the surface of what we think we know and see in others. Certainly that seems to be the case in my son’s circumstances. To turn the page on suicide we must retrain our eyes to look deeper than the surface, but how? . . . The only what is through the eyes of Jesus.

1. Jesus was totally in tune with the will of his father.

2. He broke the bondage of the sinful desires through preparation (prayer fasting, meditating on scripture, and testing).

3. He listened for the Holy Spirit to guide him in seeing the whole context of the person.

4. He acted quickly, yet methodically, and perfectly to each and every encounter with men and women.

So while cultivation of disciples can take several years, changing someone’s life can happen in a moment encounter! You don’t have to be deeply invested and know everything about a person, or even be their friend, to truly see the depth of who they are and their need. Many of Jesus’s encounters were with strangers that are never given a name in scripture. We simply need to abide in Jesus and act on his calling. When I know and trust the character of the Trinity I see more clearly the souls around me and not my unclear and shallow prejudices of outward appearances.

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Suicide & Prevention Hotline

National Suicide Hotline

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 988 or go to the website at https://988lifeline.org/